thingwraith (my wife) sent me over here; we just watched the video of your husband's previous band on youtube. I was going to leave a comment there, but since youtube is a cesspool full of flaming trolls, she thought it would be better to leave a comment here.
Anyway... I don't know what crack those idiots on youtube are smoking! I haven't been involved in the metal scene for quite some time now, but I don't understand at all where they are coming from. They mention At the Gates, which I've been a fan of for going on 15 years now and I don't think your husband sounds like him at all (although I commend his taste). I suppose that they expect everyone in that realm of music to sound like the cookie monster grunting.
Changing gears a bit... we also listened to his new band at myspace. It's an impressive shift and one I can relate to having followed the same path myself (my musical tastes have expanded considerably during the years I have been with Elis).
Anyway (again), I hope that neither of you think I'm a screwball for leaving this comment - I was just offended on your husband's behalf after seeing those comments.
thank you so much for commenting here. i appreciate it as i was BEYOND offended! A was very self-concious about his vocals, and was never totally comfortable singing, so what they are saying just broke my heart. the funny part is that if he read those comments (i didnt even mention to him that i sent that link, for fear he would go look it up and see those comments), he would probably laugh and say that it was no big deal. but i think deep down it would bother him.
thank you for your very sweet comment, A works very hard on his bands, so he is always thankful when someone listens, and excited when they enjoy what he has accomplished.
Adi's vocals are very good! When it comes to extreme music like that, I greatly prefer vocals like that as they convey a lot more raw emotion and energy than someone trying to grunt as low as they can. I hoped that I achieved something similar in my old band.
You know, if something similar happened with my old band, I'd probably just smirk, say they were morons and then ignore it. However, since it's not me I can empathize and feel righteously offended without fear of feeling egotistical or immature. I know that Elis would give a proper tongue lashing in your shoes... actually... I'd probably pay to see that!
His new band is great! It definitely sounds like he works very hard on it. I'm guessing that he's very involved in the songwriting process? There's a very strange drive to write music once you start doing it... it's almost an like an obsession or addiction. Freud would say it's the drive to procreate being subverted, and Jung would say that it's an expression of the spiritual half of the psyche. Whatever your psychoanalytical flavour, I'm sure you know what I'm getting at being married to a musician. :P
Anyway, I can get down from the podium now. Hey, do The Depths have a CD?
P.S. Elis says something must be loose up there if I married here, but I think that's crap. :D
A has a friend that used to write record reviews and he always described those super low vocals as sounding like "a fat guy eating a bowl of Cheerios", which we never tired of. i agree that the way A did it conveyed a lot more emotion, which is probably the other reason that it bothered me to see people making fun of it. i didnt even think of that.
you are right, i am almost positive he would think it was funny. he is like that, which i appreciate, as i am the polar opposite and bad at taking any sort of criticism. which is fairly detrimental creatively, i know, but it doesnt seem to make me get any better to know that. he would really probably laugh about it, and say he could understand people saying it.
speaking of, do you have any links/cds of YOUR old band? A and i want to hear!
he is VERY involved in the songwriting, which i am sure you know causes so many problems when other band members either dont like the stuff and want to scrap it, or add a bunch of things that are what A feels detracting from the song. there is a fair amount of everyone not understanding everyone else's vision, which is why i create BY MYSELF so i can be totally self-indulgent. i admire musicians who are songwriters for the fact that they can work with other people.
The Depths do have a cd, i can send that along to you guys. like i told Elis, they are going to be recording again in April, but i dont know how long it will take for all the new stuff to come out.
and Elis is such a huge perfect doll... after talking to you i think you are just the sweetest people, i am glad you have each other.
Funny, we have a friend who says that you don't really need lyrics when you grunt like that. You can just go "B-B-B-B-B-B" in rhythm and it suffices. Every time we hear a band like that now, we just go B-B-B-B-B. I'm reminded of our friend's description of Pope John Paul just before he died... he said his sermon sounded like it was delivered by the guy from Graveland: "blarhfg rawwkkkkerrr dsdgahhhh grishnahhhk".
I can see Adi's perspective, and hell, if someone said that about me I'd probably reason that at least they say I sound like someone good!
I think that you and Adi seem to have a similar dynamic that Elis and I have. Elis is extreme self-critical to the point of being debilitating. It's totally unwarranted, of course. Every artist will focus on the mistakes (actual or perceived) in their work, unless they have no humility. :P I know that I certainly focus on the mistakes in anything I've done, though not to the degree that Elis does. I just try to provide perspective for her and point out that I don't see the mistakes and I think it's fantastic. And everything she makes IS fantastic, I just wish she would see that.
I have so much crap on my computer I've written that I'd have to make a CD of it, lol. In the meantime I can put up some of it for download (I'll add some links in a bit). I should probably point out that calling anything I've done a "band" is a bit of a misnomer since I've always done everything by myself. This was initially largely due to that I simply couldn't find anyone who would be interested in doing heavier music, and then once I gravitated away from that it was just the way I was used to doing things. I was always getting "Does not participate' and "doesn't work well with others" in school. Actually, I can work just fine with others, I usually just don't want to. :D Anyway, I think the point I'm trying to get at is that I can understand his frustration when working with others. Hmm... not sure that I actually made that point, but my brain doesn't work before 5PM so it'll have to suffice.
Thank you for the CD! I really liked what I heard on the MySpace page. Hey, is Adi around on here and/or facebook? Hopefully he wouldn't mind a fellow musician's comments (well, I'm sure he wouldn't).
I added you on here, too. You're a really good friend to Elis! She is such a sweetheart and it's relieving to me for that she has found people like you and Christine. It's so hard to find people that really and truly understand you, know what I mean? My priorities have changed as I've gotten older; when I was young I felt like I didn't need anyone but myself. What did it matter if I didn't talk to or hang out with anyone? OK, I still don't really hang out with anyone other than elis, but she's not just my lover, she's my best friend. Anyway, I've come to realize that you need to have people who understand you in your life... you can't go it alone. You'd be missing out on one of the fundamental experiences in living.
Ok, seriously I'm done now; I'll stop transforming myself into an anthropology professor. Thank you for your compliments!! You are great and Adi is very talented!!
that is EXACTLY what A would say! he would say that he liked how the person he was compared to sounded, so that it was rad, even though it wasnt intentional.
you are right, that is a very similar dynamic between you and Elis and A and i. he is very supportive about what i do, and gets pretty pissed when i get frustrated at projects and throw them away. he tries to tell me that i sell myself short a lot of time, but i have a real issue with accepting my "crafts" are artistic. when others do them, i think the are art, when i do them, i feel like i am the biggest dabbler ever. since he is a musician, and i see that as real art, i have trouble when he considers what i do art as well. this is all very convoluted, so sorry i am not making a lot of sense. basically, like Elis, i tend to be hard on myself.
A somehow always finds people to work with, which is pretty odd in this town where there is no longer much of a music scene. the problem is that it can take a long time to find someone, and when he does, he kind of has to take what he can get, and they will be talented, but not very easy to work with. there are a lot of drunks, social retards, and spoiled brats in the history of his bands, and sometimes i wish that he could work TOTALLY BY HIMSELF so he could get more done and be less frustrated because Bandmate A was too drunk to come to the past 3 practices, and Bandmate B didnt have enough gas money to drive the 30 miles to practice, you know?
A does not have Facebook or LJ, but he has a MySpace page which is located of his band's MySpace. he does not check it constantly, but he does about once a week, i believe. he would be thrilled to hear from another musician!
i am extremely antisocial (i prefer to think i am a hermit), and in RL situations, i am very VERY shy. which makes it hard for me to meet others and talk to people. and you know how that is, like anything else it is practice, so i get so socially flabby that unless i get out, i become completely incapacitated and cannot deal with other people AT ALL. i dont like being like that, but unfortunately, its hard to meet people that have similar interests (i know NO ONE here that likes to craft/sew) and i have very little free time, so that which i have i tend to spend with A. you are right though, its nice to have people understand you, and i wish i had more of that. the internet has made me much less social!
you are very sweet, and not coming across as anything other than very nice and educated!
Actually, I totally understand where you are coming from because Elis is the same way. I have 10+ years experience now trying to see her the way that I do. She is really very talented (as are you, from what Elis has shown me) and I really just want her to be able to see that for herself. A large part of the problem is that Elis has a strong drive to be original. In and of itself this is a good trait of course; personally I want everything I write to sound original, even though your influences are always going to show through some. In her case it will cause her to shoot down an idea before she's even begun it, never mind that I think what she would make would be 100 times better than what anyone else made.
Most of my experiences playing with other musicians was by-and-large not negative, but it was totally fruitless as well. My single biggest drive has always been to write new music, to the point that when I'm falling asleep or waking up I'll have ideas going through my head. I've actually written things in my dreams, but I always forget them upon waking no matter how hard I try to remember them. Most musicians aren't dedicated enough... they're just looking for some fun and partying, or whatever their vice is. Adi sounds like me in that it isn't just something you, it's a part of who you are. It's really immeasurably cool to know that there is someone else out there who feels that way. Granted, it stands to reason that you're married to someone like that since you and Elis were separated at birth. If Adi ever wants to do everything by himself, it's more than possible nowadays. With the right computer programs he can do it all without needing any input from anyone. I'm going to need to log into myspace and poke him.
Despite how verbose I am on the computer, I'm very quiet and reserved in person. With the exception of Elis, it takes me a while to feel comfortable around someone and to open up. I've always been this way, though The internet is an interesting phenomena with its ability to network human culture. All the people that I know now that I probably would have never known... The world is a lot smaller than it used to be.
There's really no one around this area for us to hang out with, although from what I've seen of it's denizens we aren't really missing out on anything. Oh boy, let's get a case of beer, watch football and try to prove who has the biggest penis. Yea... I think I'll pass on that. What the world needs are transporters like they have in Star Trek. Elis could just beam over to your place and you could do crafty things together. Christine could beam over as well and bring some of her baking with her. Actually, I'd be a little worried that if the three of you got together you might make a run for the border or something.
Elis and i have talked about the drive to be original, and how totally gutted we can feel when we find an idea we thought of elsewhere. not in the sense that there is any copying going on, but its no longer as "original". and we both said we knew it was vastly silly, but we couldnt stop ourselves from being like that. i dont know if it is a product maybe of when we were teenagers... i remember there being a lot of issues in high school with originality and who had copied who's idea... but probably most of that is the idea of teenagers thinking they invented everything. like no one else ever thought of wearing a nightgown out of the house or something.
that is EXACTLY the case with A: he is serious about music itself. he has fun in the social situations that being in a band can present (he has always been a very gregarious and friendly person), and will enjoy talking to his friends and having a few drinks. but he is not in a band to be "in a band", you know what i mean? he enjoys the social interaction with other bandmates, and he enjoys playing live (and while he could do that by himself, he does not like the feeling of it). but i always tell him, when he gets bewildered by bandmates lack of drive, is that he is an artist who loves the art, and they are people that want to be in a band so they have a story to tell. there have been sorely few people he has been in bands with that are in them for the the need to create because that is when you are truly happy.
i can be cripplingly shy in RL, to the point where people actually have looked at me very disgusted and just BAILED. i literally CANNOT keep up a conversation, couldnt start one to save my life, and i am the queen of one word answers to questions. the internet and having to have a job are probably the only things that save me... otherwise i seriously might be mute.
i might actually see Cuppy in a few months, which i am thrilled about... the last and only time we got together was complete magic and i dont think either of us stopped talking the entire time. i would LOVE to meet Elis and you someday!
Hah... Elis has told me about how she wore a nightgown out of the house a few times. I'm going to guess you did the same? The need to be original is deeply ingrained into Elis's creative personality; I think that it's also tied to her view of her own identity. Creating something totally original validates herself as an individual, so when she sees something she thought no one else had thought of, it makes her feel insignificant and pedestrian. At least, that's my take on it anyway, and what do I know? Elis is much better at figuring people out than I am.
I can say with a high degree of certainty that Adi is the only person that I know of personally who has that drive to create musically, at least to the degree we're talking about. I wonder... does he listen to his own music a lot? I listen to stuff I've written a lot, which as nerdy as it is, isn't that surprising because I only keep the things that sound good to me.
Haha... that sounds like how I am in personal situations. The only difference is that I usually come across as aloof and/or intimidating. I don't have a job right now, so my social interaction is limited to here at home and on teh_intarwebs. Elis is very talkative so usually this works to my advantage so I don't have to talk much. The problem I have is that I can't usually keep my attention on the conversation... my brain is always shifting its focus to whatever it wants and can get me into a lot of trouble!
I hope you get to see cuppy! Someday I'd like to take Elis to Disneyland (gay... I know). I was born in Southern California and I haven't lived there since '92, but I have fond memories of certain places in Disneyland. Anyway, maybe we'll get out there some day??
she did that too?! i was obsessed with white lawn nightgowns and totally sported them out and about. i remember another girl who had seriously copied everything i did for two years doing that and it just freaking me out. like i said, teenagers think they invented everything. or i guess i did! i think you have a very good point about the need to create something original, i would like to think that my issue with it is something that meaningful, but i dont know. i tend to be really superficial in areas, so i cant project any depth on that personal issue in my case.
Adi listens to his stuff, but generally only the current stuff. i think its because he is constantly trying to improve, and will get pretty bummed about how things have been recorded before he felt they were done, or if he can go back and hear mistakes. i dont recall him listening to old stuff, but i dont know... its weird. i would totally listen to my stuff if i was a musician!
a lot of people think i come off as snobby because i dont talk, but thats not it! also, i can just blurt out inappropriate things because i am so desperate to talk and not be awkward. so i am sure that doesnt help. when i was younger i think people used to think it was more intimidating, but now i think they just think i am a bitter person! ha.
I LOVE DISNEYLAND. seriously. i could live there. i havent been in a few years, but i adore it, and i LOVE SoCal. i would hate living somewhere else. granted, i havent been well traveled, but the traveling i have done made it clear that i was too much of a lightweight to live anywhere else!
lol Yes, she told me she had this black slip that she would wear out; it looked more like a dress than anything else so she figured why not? Elis had girls copying her too (these coincidences keep piling up, don't they?). When she saved the sides of her head and had a mohawk, several people followed suit. When I was a teen, I mostly just wanted to get noticed. In highschool I felt somewhat invisible, and being myself and exploring things that most people weren't interested in seemed to be the best way to counteract that. That was the appeal of metal when I was younger as well. I didn't care really care about being offensive so much as wanting to explore and express what seemed fresh and new compared to what everyone else was into. Being drawn to all things dark and morbid didn't hurt, but I had always been interested in that (wish i still had some of my drawings from way back then). it might seem superficial to you, but I'm sure that it's anything but in your case. Would anything so superficial have such a strong effect on you?
I can see where Adi is coming from... some of the older stuff I've written...whewww. It makes me cringe a bit, but there's still elements that I like and in a completely vain and masturbatory way I can hear bits of what I think are unique to me in there, as well as how much I've learned since then. Listening to that Uphill Battle song, I definitely think that Adi doesn't have any reason not to listen to older material that he's written.
My general looks tend to give the impression that "stay the fuck away from me". Actually, this has been helpful sometimes... lol. When I was a kid, most other kids didn't really 'get' my sense of humour at all. I liked saying weird and bizarre things and just trying to be (what I thought) was witty but no one would think it was funny. I also found out that black humour didn't really fly ("what, you mean jokes about Jesus's crucifixion aren't funny??"). After a while I just quit trying and kept everything to myself.
Haha.. oh disneyland, how I miss you. I always really liked the Pirates of the Caribbean ride; I heard they updated it because of the movies. My family and I always ate in that restaurant that's in the bayou part of the Pirates ride. Ohhh, I wish I still had the shrunken head that my folks bought me there from near that jungle ride... can't remember what it was called.
I actually didn't live in SoCal that long.. i was born in San Diego and we moved away when I was 3, and then came back in for a couple years to live in Long Beach when I was 10. I loved the weather, was annoyed by the smog (stupid allergies!), and worried if I wore the colours that the school said I shouldn't wear that I'd be shot by gang members. On an unrelated note, I was scared of highschool because I thought everyone would look like they were 25 and beat me up (thank you John Hughes movies).
I've lived all over being a military brat and I tend to get itchy if I've lived in one place more than a few years. I could probably be happy in a lot of places as long as it's not crawling with people all the time.
i dont know why i did most of the things i did, probably because it was just fun and i didnt get the point of doing what everyone else was doing. i wish i had explored my motivations a little bit more because it probably would have revealed alot about myself, but now so much time has passed that i cant remember my feelings at the time. it was almost like i had a sick need to be teased and then get pissed about it, it seems like everything i did was designed to get people to make fun of me. i shaved my head, wore florescent 1960's dresses, nurses uniforms, literal chunks of eyeliner, and carried a lunchbox everywhere. i talked to myself and would roll around in the ivy and sat in the library reading the Encyclopedia of Crime. wtf... and then i would be like: omg, no one understands me! why are they making fun of me?! brilliant. thats all hilarious to me now, but at the time it was so upsetting.
i think part of the reason A wont listen to older stuff is that he sort of loses interest in it to a degree, as he totally immerses himself in his newer stuff. which i think is why he cycles, he will always be in a metal/hardcore band, then start up a more mellow project, end up focusing on that, and then start a metal/hardcore project, ad infintium. i am just floored by his output, its pretty insane... if i made as many in-depth projects as he did songs, we would be living on top of a mountain of hot glue and fabric scraps. i am just in love with his capacity for creativity, i think it is very inspiring to be around.
i think that is so sad when you were a kid that you were so much more advanced. well, i mean, its good, but its sad that people were too stupid to get it. i tend to remember all the kids in school who had very "offbeat" senses of humour, i can still remember that that sort of humour seemed way funnier to me, and all the kids i knew like that slayed me. i remember getting it trouble in class for not being able to stop laughing at a joke my tablemate had made- and then he could just deadface it. which was somehow even funnier.
JUNGLE CRUISE! omg, that ride is so fabulous. i hear that the vast population of feral cats in Disneyland is mostly centered around that ride. and yes, POTC was updated (again) because of the movie. i had never really gotten over the update they did when they took out the naked girl hiding in the barrel and made the woman being chased by the pirates carry a platter of FOOD, so that is what they were supposed to be chasing. Disneyland has changed so much since you have been last, if i think about it too much i get sad. the recently bouted Mr. Lincoln and i havent gotten over that still, and i just found out they redid It's A Small World, which is my favourite ride (eternally 5 years old).
i am 4th generation in the town i live in, so its sort of born into me to NOT MOVE EVER. like Disneyland, the town is changing alot, and while i am very unhappy with that, my mom and i joke about how neither of us can even comprehend moving. it would be like letting all the richies win. i think it would have been beneficial to have moved more when i was young, i think i would be less set in my ways.
I think Elis just bought me the Encyclopedia of Crime... actually, take that back, it's called True Crime and it's a collection of news clipping articles from famous crimes of the last 250 years. I can live without the encyclopedia because I can just live on CrimeLibrary.com and Wikipedia. I <3 wikipedia and could read there all day.
I wasn't very self-aware in high school, not that I am now..lol. It's probably true of all teenagers; very self-absorbed but completely lacking self-awareness. Maybe you were expressing that you felt fundamentally different than the other kids? Elis and I have discussed before that we both feel that there is a fundamental difference between ourselves and other people. For example, other than tattoos I don't look that weird anymore, yet people always stare at me (and the same is true of elis). Maybe we're just expressing that difference?
I don't really think I was that 'advanced', although it sure does seem like people are on autopilot. Do they ever think about anything other than eating, sleeping, fucking, and what the TV tells them? This probably makes me sound arrogant, but it's not that I think I'm that smart - it's more that I am baffled at how ignorant most people are. I figured if they didn't get my jokes, it was because the most complicated joke they found funny was hitting someone in the balls or a cat getting tossed out the window. Not that I don't tell some stinkers, but usually I know it's bad and that's the point. Whew... I didn't know I could talk about myself this much. :P
Adi must be one of those rare individuals gifted with a lot of ambition and drive. With his obvious talent and drive, he's going to leave a big mark on the music world. I can definitely understand cycles; I have an odd affinity to anything cyclical, i.e. ouroboros, phoenixes, etc etc. A lot of my tattoos are following that theme.
Oh man.. Junglecruise. There's so many things I have forgotten... there's that tom sawyer island thing. I always liked the Haunted Mansion but i bet they changed that. I can't believe they gave the woman being chased by pirates a platter of food. That's what we get for living in a nation descended from puritans. I wonder how they changed "it's a small world"? Probably added some muslim extremists and gave half of the figures cellphones and laptops.
I don't know whether moving around a lot is better; there's probably pros and cons to both. I can tell you with a high degree of certainty that I was really missing California this morning when I took the dogs out and it was 10 degrees. I want to play guitar, but my hands are too cold! lol
Man... LJ does not like long comments, especially when it thinks it's not encoded in UTF-8. Anyway, continuing on...
Oh! Some of the mp3s are done uploading. This has been taking all day because our web host must have put some kind of cap on upload transfer rates. Bastards. Anyway, the first link is the metal band I did. These were recorded between 1997-1999; basically I just wanted to play really fast and noisy, and scream on top of it. And that's pretty much what I did:
http://www.zomboid.com/diogan/mp3/conquest/ The lyrics to the song "Sexaltation" are pretty amusing although I'm not sure I remember them all. Guess songs like that happen when you were raised Catholic.
http://www.zomboid.com/diogan/mp3/capnadam/ This was a concept album that I did under the name "Captain Adam & His Fantastic Bastards". Wonderful name isn't it? Elis thought of that. Anyway, this is a concept album called "The Bird and the Barrow", and it more or less follows a Bonnie and Clyde-style love story. These were recorded between 2006-2007.
http://www.zomboid.com/diogan/mp3/newstuff/ These songs are all newer and are part of a secret project that I can't give too many details about. I'm doing this with two other individuals, but everything you hear here was done by myself. The percussion will be redone by one individual, and the other will write lyrics and sing. Anyway, these are still uploading and there should be 11 songs here in total (the last one being titled 39DJ.mp3). Oh, some of the songs aren't finished so if they seem short or end suddenly, that's why. The titles don't mean anything either, obviously; it was just a sequential numbering system I use to keep track of the different songs until they have proper titles.
OK... I think this comment is huge enough. Hopefully LJ will let me post it!
thank you for all that work you went through to post these! i will be back in town in a few days, and A and i can listen to these together. i am super pumped to hear them!!!
Oh you're out of town? Guess I've got time to toss a few more things up there then :P I'll search through my bag of goodies and see what other crap I can spam you guys with. Thanks for taking a listen (well, when you get home)!
Anyway... I don't know what crack those idiots on youtube are smoking! I haven't been involved in the metal scene for quite some time now, but I don't understand at all where they are coming from. They mention At the Gates, which I've been a fan of for going on 15 years now and I don't think your husband sounds like him at all (although I commend his taste). I suppose that they expect everyone in that realm of music to sound like the cookie monster grunting.
Changing gears a bit... we also listened to his new band at myspace. It's an impressive shift and one I can relate to having followed the same path myself (my musical tastes have expanded considerably during the years I have been with Elis).
Anyway (again), I hope that neither of you think I'm a screwball for leaving this comment - I was just offended on your husband's behalf after seeing those comments.
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thank you for your very sweet comment, A works very hard on his bands, so he is always thankful when someone listens, and excited when they enjoy what he has accomplished.
p.s. of course you arent a screwball!
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You know, if something similar happened with my old band, I'd probably just smirk, say they were morons and then ignore it. However, since it's not me I can empathize and feel righteously offended without fear of feeling egotistical or immature. I know that Elis would give a proper tongue lashing in your shoes... actually... I'd probably pay to see that!
His new band is great! It definitely sounds like he works very hard on it. I'm guessing that he's very involved in the songwriting process? There's a very strange drive to write music once you start doing it... it's almost an like an obsession or addiction. Freud would say it's the drive to procreate being subverted, and Jung would say that it's an expression of the spiritual half of the psyche. Whatever your psychoanalytical flavour, I'm sure you know what I'm getting at being married to a musician. :P
Anyway, I can get down from the podium now. Hey, do The Depths have a CD?
P.S. Elis says something must be loose up there if I married here, but I think that's crap. :D
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you are right, i am almost positive he would think it was funny. he is like that, which i appreciate, as i am the polar opposite and bad at taking any sort of criticism. which is fairly detrimental creatively, i know, but it doesnt seem to make me get any better to know that. he would really probably laugh about it, and say he could understand people saying it.
speaking of, do you have any links/cds of YOUR old band? A and i want to hear!
he is VERY involved in the songwriting, which i am sure you know causes so many problems when other band members either dont like the stuff and want to scrap it, or add a bunch of things that are what A feels detracting from the song. there is a fair amount of everyone not understanding everyone else's vision, which is why i create BY MYSELF so i can be totally self-indulgent. i admire musicians who are songwriters for the fact that they can work with other people.
The Depths do have a cd, i can send that along to you guys. like i told Elis, they are going to be recording again in April, but i dont know how long it will take for all the new stuff to come out.
and Elis is such a huge perfect doll... after talking to you i think you are just the sweetest people, i am glad you have each other.
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I can see Adi's perspective, and hell, if someone said that about me I'd probably reason that at least they say I sound like someone good!
I think that you and Adi seem to have a similar dynamic that Elis and I have. Elis is extreme self-critical to the point of being debilitating. It's totally unwarranted, of course. Every artist will focus on the mistakes (actual or perceived) in their work, unless they have no humility. :P I know that I certainly focus on the mistakes in anything I've done, though not to the degree that Elis does. I just try to provide perspective for her and point out that I don't see the mistakes and I think it's fantastic. And everything she makes IS fantastic, I just wish she would see that.
I have so much crap on my computer I've written that I'd have to make a CD of it, lol. In the meantime I can put up some of it for download (I'll add some links in a bit). I should probably point out that calling anything I've done a "band" is a bit of a misnomer since I've always done everything by myself. This was initially largely due to that I simply couldn't find anyone who would be interested in doing heavier music, and then once I gravitated away from that it was just the way I was used to doing things. I was always getting "Does not participate' and "doesn't work well with others" in school. Actually, I can work just fine with others, I usually just don't want to. :D Anyway, I think the point I'm trying to get at is that I can understand his frustration when working with others. Hmm... not sure that I actually made that point, but my brain doesn't work before 5PM so it'll have to suffice.
Thank you for the CD! I really liked what I heard on the MySpace page. Hey, is Adi around on here and/or facebook? Hopefully he wouldn't mind a fellow musician's comments (well, I'm sure he wouldn't).
I added you on here, too. You're a really good friend to Elis! She is such a sweetheart and it's relieving to me for that she has found people like you and Christine. It's so hard to find people that really and truly understand you, know what I mean? My priorities have changed as I've gotten older; when I was young I felt like I didn't need anyone but myself. What did it matter if I didn't talk to or hang out with anyone? OK, I still don't really hang out with anyone other than elis, but she's not just my lover, she's my best friend. Anyway, I've come to realize that you need to have people who understand you in your life... you can't go it alone. You'd be missing out on one of the fundamental experiences in living.
Ok, seriously I'm done now; I'll stop transforming myself into an anthropology professor. Thank you for your compliments!! You are great and Adi is very talented!!
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you are right, that is a very similar dynamic between you and Elis and A and i. he is very supportive about what i do, and gets pretty pissed when i get frustrated at projects and throw them away. he tries to tell me that i sell myself short a lot of time, but i have a real issue with accepting my "crafts" are artistic. when others do them, i think the are art, when i do them, i feel like i am the biggest dabbler ever. since he is a musician, and i see that as real art, i have trouble when he considers what i do art as well. this is all very convoluted, so sorry i am not making a lot of sense. basically, like Elis, i tend to be hard on myself.
A somehow always finds people to work with, which is pretty odd in this town where there is no longer much of a music scene. the problem is that it can take a long time to find someone, and when he does, he kind of has to take what he can get, and they will be talented, but not very easy to work with. there are a lot of drunks, social retards, and spoiled brats in the history of his bands, and sometimes i wish that he could work TOTALLY BY HIMSELF so he could get more done and be less frustrated because Bandmate A was too drunk to come to the past 3 practices, and Bandmate B didnt have enough gas money to drive the 30 miles to practice, you know?
A does not have Facebook or LJ, but he has a MySpace page which is located of his band's MySpace. he does not check it constantly, but he does about once a week, i believe. he would be thrilled to hear from another musician!
i am extremely antisocial (i prefer to think i am a hermit), and in RL situations, i am very VERY shy. which makes it hard for me to meet others and talk to people. and you know how that is, like anything else it is practice, so i get so socially flabby that unless i get out, i become completely incapacitated and cannot deal with other people AT ALL. i dont like being like that, but unfortunately, its hard to meet people that have similar interests (i know NO ONE here that likes to craft/sew) and i have very little free time, so that which i have i tend to spend with A. you are right though, its nice to have people understand you, and i wish i had more of that. the internet has made me much less social!
you are very sweet, and not coming across as anything other than very nice and educated!
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Most of my experiences playing with other musicians was by-and-large not negative, but it was totally fruitless as well. My single biggest drive has always been to write new music, to the point that when I'm falling asleep or waking up I'll have ideas going through my head. I've actually written things in my dreams, but I always forget them upon waking no matter how hard I try to remember them. Most musicians aren't dedicated enough... they're just looking for some fun and partying, or whatever their vice is. Adi sounds like me in that it isn't just something you, it's a part of who you are. It's really immeasurably cool to know that there is someone else out there who feels that way. Granted, it stands to reason that you're married to someone like that since you and Elis were separated at birth. If Adi ever wants to do everything by himself, it's more than possible nowadays. With the right computer programs he can do it all without needing any input from anyone. I'm going to need to log into myspace and poke him.
Despite how verbose I am on the computer, I'm very quiet and reserved in person. With the exception of Elis, it takes me a while to feel comfortable around someone and to open up. I've always been this way, though The internet is an interesting phenomena with its ability to network human culture. All the people that I know now that I probably would have never known... The world is a lot smaller than it used to be.
There's really no one around this area for us to hang out with, although from what I've seen of it's denizens we aren't really missing out on anything. Oh boy, let's get a case of beer, watch football and try to prove who has the biggest penis. Yea... I think I'll pass on that. What the world needs are transporters like they have in Star Trek. Elis could just beam over to your place and you could do crafty things together. Christine could beam over as well and bring some of her baking with her. Actually, I'd be a little worried that if the three of you got together you might make a run for the border or something.
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that is EXACTLY the case with A: he is serious about music itself. he has fun in the social situations that being in a band can present (he has always been a very gregarious and friendly person), and will enjoy talking to his friends and having a few drinks. but he is not in a band to be "in a band", you know what i mean? he enjoys the social interaction with other bandmates, and he enjoys playing live (and while he could do that by himself, he does not like the feeling of it). but i always tell him, when he gets bewildered by bandmates lack of drive, is that he is an artist who loves the art, and they are people that want to be in a band so they have a story to tell. there have been sorely few people he has been in bands with that are in them for the the need to create because that is when you are truly happy.
i can be cripplingly shy in RL, to the point where people actually have looked at me very disgusted and just BAILED. i literally CANNOT keep up a conversation, couldnt start one to save my life, and i am the queen of one word answers to questions. the internet and having to have a job are probably the only things that save me... otherwise i seriously might be mute.
i might actually see Cuppy in a few months, which i am thrilled about... the last and only time we got together was complete magic and i dont think either of us stopped talking the entire time. i would LOVE to meet Elis and you someday!
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I can say with a high degree of certainty that Adi is the only person that I know of personally who has that drive to create musically, at least to the degree we're talking about. I wonder... does he listen to his own music a lot? I listen to stuff I've written a lot, which as nerdy as it is, isn't that surprising because I only keep the things that sound good to me.
Haha... that sounds like how I am in personal situations. The only difference is that I usually come across as aloof and/or intimidating. I don't have a job right now, so my social interaction is limited to here at home and on teh_intarwebs. Elis is very talkative so usually this works to my advantage so I don't have to talk much. The problem I have is that I can't usually keep my attention on the conversation... my brain is always shifting its focus to whatever it wants and can get me into a lot of trouble!
I hope you get to see cuppy! Someday I'd like to take Elis to Disneyland (gay... I know). I was born in Southern California and I haven't lived there since '92, but I have fond memories of certain places in Disneyland. Anyway, maybe we'll get out there some day??
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Adi listens to his stuff, but generally only the current stuff. i think its because he is constantly trying to improve, and will get pretty bummed about how things have been recorded before he felt they were done, or if he can go back and hear mistakes. i dont recall him listening to old stuff, but i dont know... its weird. i would totally listen to my stuff if i was a musician!
a lot of people think i come off as snobby because i dont talk, but thats not it! also, i can just blurt out inappropriate things because i am so desperate to talk and not be awkward. so i am sure that doesnt help. when i was younger i think people used to think it was more intimidating, but now i think they just think i am a bitter person! ha.
I LOVE DISNEYLAND. seriously. i could live there. i havent been in a few years, but i adore it, and i LOVE SoCal. i would hate living somewhere else. granted, i havent been well traveled, but the traveling i have done made it clear that i was too much of a lightweight to live anywhere else!
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I can see where Adi is coming from... some of the older stuff I've written...whewww. It makes me cringe a bit, but there's still elements that I like and in a completely vain and masturbatory way I can hear bits of what I think are unique to me in there, as well as how much I've learned since then. Listening to that Uphill Battle song, I definitely think that Adi doesn't have any reason not to listen to older material that he's written.
My general looks tend to give the impression that "stay the fuck away from me". Actually, this has been helpful sometimes... lol. When I was a kid, most other kids didn't really 'get' my sense of humour at all. I liked saying weird and bizarre things and just trying to be (what I thought) was witty but no one would think it was funny. I also found out that black humour didn't really fly ("what, you mean jokes about Jesus's crucifixion aren't funny??"). After a while I just quit trying and kept everything to myself.
Haha.. oh disneyland, how I miss you. I always really liked the Pirates of the Caribbean ride; I heard they updated it because of the movies. My family and I always ate in that restaurant that's in the bayou part of the Pirates ride. Ohhh, I wish I still had the shrunken head that my folks bought me there from near that jungle ride... can't remember what it was called.
I actually didn't live in SoCal that long.. i was born in San Diego and we moved away when I was 3, and then came back in for a couple years to live in Long Beach when I was 10. I loved the weather, was annoyed by the smog (stupid allergies!), and worried if I wore the colours that the school said I shouldn't wear that I'd be shot by gang members. On an unrelated note, I was scared of highschool because I thought everyone would look like they were 25 and beat me up (thank you John Hughes movies).
I've lived all over being a military brat and I tend to get itchy if I've lived in one place more than a few years. I could probably be happy in a lot of places as long as it's not crawling with people all the time.
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i think part of the reason A wont listen to older stuff is that he sort of loses interest in it to a degree, as he totally immerses himself in his newer stuff. which i think is why he cycles, he will always be in a metal/hardcore band, then start up a more mellow project, end up focusing on that, and then start a metal/hardcore project, ad infintium. i am just floored by his output, its pretty insane... if i made as many in-depth projects as he did songs, we would be living on top of a mountain of hot glue and fabric scraps. i am just in love with his capacity for creativity, i think it is very inspiring to be around.
i think that is so sad when you were a kid that you were so much more advanced. well, i mean, its good, but its sad that people were too stupid to get it. i tend to remember all the kids in school who had very "offbeat" senses of humour, i can still remember that that sort of humour seemed way funnier to me, and all the kids i knew like that slayed me. i remember getting it trouble in class for not being able to stop laughing at a joke my tablemate had made- and then he could just deadface it. which was somehow even funnier.
JUNGLE CRUISE! omg, that ride is so fabulous. i hear that the vast population of feral cats in Disneyland is mostly centered around that ride. and yes, POTC was updated (again) because of the movie. i had never really gotten over the update they did when they took out the naked girl hiding in the barrel and made the woman being chased by the pirates carry a platter of FOOD, so that is what they were supposed to be chasing. Disneyland has changed so much since you have been last, if i think about it too much i get sad. the recently bouted Mr. Lincoln and i havent gotten over that still, and i just found out they redid It's A Small World, which is my favourite ride (eternally 5 years old).
i am 4th generation in the town i live in, so its sort of born into me to NOT MOVE EVER. like Disneyland, the town is changing alot, and while i am very unhappy with that, my mom and i joke about how neither of us can even comprehend moving. it would be like letting all the richies win. i think it would have been beneficial to have moved more when i was young, i think i would be less set in my ways.
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I wasn't very self-aware in high school, not that I am now..lol. It's probably true of all teenagers; very self-absorbed but completely lacking self-awareness. Maybe you were expressing that you felt fundamentally different than the other kids? Elis and I have discussed before that we both feel that there is a fundamental difference between ourselves and other people. For example, other than tattoos I don't look that weird anymore, yet people always stare at me (and the same is true of elis). Maybe we're just expressing that difference?
I don't really think I was that 'advanced', although it sure does seem like people are on autopilot. Do they ever think about anything other than eating, sleeping, fucking, and what the TV tells them? This probably makes me sound arrogant, but it's not that I think I'm that smart - it's more that I am baffled at how ignorant most people are. I figured if they didn't get my jokes, it was because the most complicated joke they found funny was hitting someone in the balls or a cat getting tossed out the window. Not that I don't tell some stinkers, but usually I know it's bad and that's the point. Whew... I didn't know I could talk about myself this much. :P
Adi must be one of those rare individuals gifted with a lot of ambition and drive. With his obvious talent and drive, he's going to leave a big mark on the music world. I can definitely understand cycles; I have an odd affinity to anything cyclical, i.e. ouroboros, phoenixes, etc etc. A lot of my tattoos are following that theme.
Oh man.. Junglecruise. There's so many things I have forgotten... there's that tom sawyer island thing. I always liked the Haunted Mansion but i bet they changed that. I can't believe they gave the woman being chased by pirates a platter of food. That's what we get for living in a nation descended from puritans. I wonder how they changed "it's a small world"? Probably added some muslim extremists and gave half of the figures cellphones and laptops.
I don't know whether moving around a lot is better; there's probably pros and cons to both. I can tell you with a high degree of certainty that I was really missing California this morning when I took the dogs out and it was 10 degrees. I want to play guitar, but my hands are too cold! lol
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Oh! Some of the mp3s are done uploading. This has been taking all day because our web host must have put some kind of cap on upload transfer rates. Bastards. Anyway, the first link is the metal band I did. These were recorded between 1997-1999; basically I just wanted to play really fast and noisy, and scream on top of it. And that's pretty much what I did:
http://www.zomboid.com/diogan/mp3/conquest/ The lyrics to the song "Sexaltation" are pretty amusing although I'm not sure I remember them all. Guess songs like that happen when you were raised Catholic.
http://www.zomboid.com/diogan/mp3/capnadam/ This was a concept album that I did under the name "Captain Adam & His Fantastic Bastards". Wonderful name isn't it? Elis thought of that. Anyway, this is a concept album called "The Bird and the Barrow", and it more or less follows a Bonnie and Clyde-style love story. These were recorded between 2006-2007.
http://www.zomboid.com/diogan/mp3/newstuff/ These songs are all newer and are part of a secret project that I can't give too many details about. I'm doing this with two other individuals, but everything you hear here was done by myself. The percussion will be redone by one individual, and the other will write lyrics and sing. Anyway, these are still uploading and there should be 11 songs here in total (the last one being titled 39DJ.mp3). Oh, some of the songs aren't finished so if they seem short or end suddenly, that's why. The titles don't mean anything either, obviously; it was just a sequential numbering system I use to keep track of the different songs until they have proper titles.
OK... I think this comment is huge enough. Hopefully LJ will let me post it!
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