An epifiany
I've been doing some thinking since reading Sara's response to my post about the shower. I've had a real "light bulb" moment. I've realized somethings about myself and wanted to share. Reflecting back on my part of planning the shower and how it caused me to feel stressed I was trying to figure out why. Chelle and I were texting back and forth this morning and I said to her that I've realized I needed to take a step back and approach my role as matron of honor differently. I need to be BESIDE her for support not in front of her trying to control and make the decisions. DING! THE LIGHTBULB GOES ON!! The reason I was feeling so stressed about the shower was because I was trying to control everything about it and when things changed it put me out of control and therefore bothered me. Ah ha! That all stems from my father. He's a very controlling person and growing up with a father like that ofcourse affected me. Goodness! I can't believe I'm like my father! lol..ofcourse I'm not as bad as he was but nonetheless, my need to control somethings stems from that. It also dawned on me why I tend to be such a perfectionist. Growing up, my dad was imposible to please. Nothing was ever good enough. I had all these chores assigned to me and I'd do them to the best of my ability only to have the typical, "you missed a spot" type response. So therefore, it's been ingrained in me that I must always do everything perfectly in order to be accepted. I've learned to break out of that stronghold throughout the years but it still holds on somewhat. Particulary when I'm doing something that involves someone I deeply care about. It's really neat to learn these things about myself so I can learn to correct behaviors that may be depremental to me in the future. Anyway, those are my thoughts.