A poorly written entry
For the last few weeks, at least -- maybe since coming to live at the school -- I've been pretty scattered. I haven't been acting very intentionally, and because things at the school are so much less ordered than the assignments and tasks of my life up 'til now -- definitely college, and even at the farm I assigned myself tasks -- I've been flying by the seat my pants pretty continuously. I finally got fed up with it. I just don't like being so scattered, and never quite knowing if I'm forgetting something.
I started realizing this a week ago, and this past week I've had reminders of how good it feels to be really alert and working well, and how it feels to know what I want to do, and to do it. I made a to-do list for Thanksgiving weekend, and it was pretty helpful. So yesterday morning I made a list, using my mom's technique -- Urgent and Important; Not Urgent, but Important; Urgent, but Not Important; and Not Urgent or Important categories. This way, whenever I'm feeling like I'm not sure quite what to do with myself, I can look at the Important categories, make sure to do the Urgent ones at some point during the day, and the others can fill in, and I'll know I'm doing something I planned to do, and that's important to me or to other people. This keeps me from checking websites every hour, or poorly reading articles online that don't really matter to me. It keeps me from just wasting my time. I'll see if the technique is effective. It felt good today.
Also, I may be moving back towards a general solitude. I haven't been seeking out solitary time, but again, in the last couple weeks I've had a few experiences that reminded me how much I like having long stretches of time, wholly to myself, just to unwind. Today I did a series of yoga asanas that felt very pleasurable, instead of hanging out with the people who stayed at the school until 7:30.
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On a completely different topic, I read Restaurant at the End of the Universe last weekend, and found it very insightful on topics of morality and happiness. Also, I enjoyed it.
The Total Perspective Vortex, the universe coming to an end -- both of these show the folly of trying to cast morality in terms of the Grand Scheme of Things. In the grand scheme, the world will end, and everything we do is pretty insignificant. If we are going to try to be happy, or to be moral, we need to focus our attention down on smaller spheres of influence.
The whole book seems to say "you can't win at morality and happiness. You can never be guaranteed that you're right or that things won't change. So don't try to win. Don't have any illusions that you ever might. Just do your best. All you can do is act as though the world makes sense, but if you try for anything more, you're bound for a disappointment."
Maybe. I'm kind of scattered tonight. I'm relaxed and tired, and not trying that hard to express myself clearly.
I started realizing this a week ago, and this past week I've had reminders of how good it feels to be really alert and working well, and how it feels to know what I want to do, and to do it. I made a to-do list for Thanksgiving weekend, and it was pretty helpful. So yesterday morning I made a list, using my mom's technique -- Urgent and Important; Not Urgent, but Important; Urgent, but Not Important; and Not Urgent or Important categories. This way, whenever I'm feeling like I'm not sure quite what to do with myself, I can look at the Important categories, make sure to do the Urgent ones at some point during the day, and the others can fill in, and I'll know I'm doing something I planned to do, and that's important to me or to other people. This keeps me from checking websites every hour, or poorly reading articles online that don't really matter to me. It keeps me from just wasting my time. I'll see if the technique is effective. It felt good today.
Also, I may be moving back towards a general solitude. I haven't been seeking out solitary time, but again, in the last couple weeks I've had a few experiences that reminded me how much I like having long stretches of time, wholly to myself, just to unwind. Today I did a series of yoga asanas that felt very pleasurable, instead of hanging out with the people who stayed at the school until 7:30.
------------
On a completely different topic, I read Restaurant at the End of the Universe last weekend, and found it very insightful on topics of morality and happiness. Also, I enjoyed it.
The Total Perspective Vortex, the universe coming to an end -- both of these show the folly of trying to cast morality in terms of the Grand Scheme of Things. In the grand scheme, the world will end, and everything we do is pretty insignificant. If we are going to try to be happy, or to be moral, we need to focus our attention down on smaller spheres of influence.
The whole book seems to say "you can't win at morality and happiness. You can never be guaranteed that you're right or that things won't change. So don't try to win. Don't have any illusions that you ever might. Just do your best. All you can do is act as though the world makes sense, but if you try for anything more, you're bound for a disappointment."
Maybe. I'm kind of scattered tonight. I'm relaxed and tired, and not trying that hard to express myself clearly.