Japanese Music Calms the Soul
I have found my panacea. And it's name is Japanese Music. At the moment it is Feel My Soul. Many Many and Many more thanks to mincedniku who is about the coolest person ever and let me download all these songs. Also, thought of the day: Talk to your grandparents...but you guide the conversation. I went into my room originally just to drop something off but I saw my grandma ensconced in the covers reading the book that she has been reading even since she got here...it just exuded such a sense of fragility and vulnerability that I crawled into the covers with her like I did when I was six.
Grandparents are.....people too I suppose. I always thought of my gramma like I thought of ...a stuffed animal or something, I guess--there to give perpetual comfort and comfort when things go wrong. It was when we started talking about her growing up, it was like, whoa, why didn't you tell me any of this stuff before? Seriously, it was like reading something about the Holocaust or something, except someone TELLING it to you first hand. Some of the stuff she said, I can't even begin to understand.
Like: running in your bare feet away from pursuing soldiers while they shout at you in another language. The rice is left in the pot to burn, forgotten. Shoes are abandoned, and the clothes on your back are your only worldly possessions...anywhere. But, they capture you, and your memory escapes...it feels as if your mind as left you and when you try to look back, all you remember is the pure animal terror. The flashes of white where your heart seemed to stop beating, where a gun was pointed at your chest, where you lie to the government, hoping when there is none that you'll get away alive. It was...brutal. And she told it like it was this STORY. Like it was perfectly NORMAL. It just...my mind is stretched to its LIMIT trying to comprehend....
I wish with all my heart that I had my tape recorder or video camera on hand...just....gawd. I was scared to interrupt lest the moment be broken and she went back to her book and I remembered to put my socks away....