Bipolar II has pretty much lost me every job I've had. Only one job I've actually quit because it sucked, the rest I'd either sink into a depressive phase and keep openly stating how I was going to be stuck in the same dead-end job for the rest of my life and contemplate suicide, or if I was in a manic phase I'd get really irritable and bitchy with coworkers and irate customers and eventually just snap at one that gave me lip, causing instant termination. On the flip side, hypomania can also make me wittier, funnier and faster which really impresses customers and bosses, so it's not all negative. Just depends on how much sleep I've got and mood at the time.
Naturally it's not as though I can tell an employer I'm bipolar and get any sympathy, people consider that to be playing the victim card and trying to shirk responsibility for my actions. If you can get yourself declared disabled for bipolar, you might be able to sue an employer that fires you for being bipolar, but disability is very hard to get these days unless you're physically disabled.
The terminations have ruined my job history, and I really wish I could get a job outside the service sector so I wouldn't have to deal with that kind of stress (granted, nearly every job has stress of some kind but the closer you work with the public the worse it gets). I'm keeping the depressive phases in check with 5-HTP but don't have much to curb my hypomania.
I have seen a few cases where people are getting disability just for being mentally ill. I don't know if they used a different approach to getting approved. I think you're more likely to get it if you don't have any income. So the people who live with their parents for nothing and don't have to worry about rent and bills end up getting it, and people that have to actually get a job get screwed. I am keeping an open mind about it though.
My husband pays into a program where I can get a lawyer for free. I will most likely work part time, if I get denied, go through court to make sure I get it. I don't see myself getting any better than I already am. It isn't as bad as I used to be, but you really have to consider quality of life. If the choice came down to me being able to have a great relationship with my husband or having to work and losing that relationship, the choice is obvious. I would be devastated if he decided to end the marriage over it. He has been a saint in dealing with this, especially while I was symptomatic and not on any medication.
I agree with you that working with the public is worse for people with bipolar, and stress is the main trigger for a lot of the episodes we experience. It's a catch 22.
I've seen a few cases myself, one where the person had Bipolar I, owned his own tech support/computer sales business, but the business tanked when he'd told off too many difficult/irate customers and word-of-mouth killed his reputation. He filed for disability and got it, but that was Arizona, where they have state-run mental health programs that are apparently superior to the barely-alive one I have here in Oklahoma (which is why I've never sought state assistance for my bipolar). So I think they base it on whether you can function with your illness. Schizophrenics and Bipolar I with psychosis are more likely to get it than say, major depressives or Bipolar II with hypomania (which is what I've got).
So just on a case-by-case basis, you've got a better chance than I do.
My bipolar symptoms aren't quite as constant as they used to be either, but when they do kick in it can make life hell. Even with the 5-HTP I still get random sleep pattern disturbances from depressive episodes (either way too much or too little) and mania can make it completely impossible to sleep due to racing thoughts. Of course, sleep deprivation can trigger or greatly worsen symptoms of bipolar, so I make sure to get 6-8 hours a night whenever possible.
I am told I have type II. The only reason I may get it is because I live in Massachusetts and apparently they are pretty lenient.. but I'm not sure if that is just with welfare or if it's with disability, too.
Sleep is huge for me too, one single night not getting enough sleep (8 hrs plus, usually) and watch out... I am either going to fall asleep standing up/sitting in the middle of a conversation or I'm the biggest bitch.
I'd say I usually have one consistent mood per day then if provoked I get really irritable and it takes me a while to calm down. I am extremely emotional, things that used to not phase me make me sad now. I can't watch any true crime shows or anything that is depressing, it makes me extremely depressed and sometimes I get passive thoughts of suicide just after seeing something that upsets me.
I went to an art museum the other day and I legitimately started tearing up over how beautiful the paintings were.. I've never done that once in my entire life.
What do you do if you aren't able to get enough sleep and you need to do something social the next day? Do you have any coping skills that you use?
When I was institutionalized as a teenager for bipolar, I could literally fall asleep standing up. The staff and patients thought I was being a smartass for sleeping mid-conversation but I was just THAT sleep-deprived and lost tons of REM sleep. The long-term sleep deprivation caused psychotic symptoms like seeing and hearing things, and they gave me Zyprexa which can cause "behavior beyond your control" so then I was saying stuff without even knowing it (only furthering the staff's belief I was psychotic). Probably the worst symptom of sleep deprivation I had was the stupidity. The brain slows down dramatically without sleep, so I was stuttering, speaking slowly and simply, and writing like I was in 2nd grade again. I got taunted by patients who thought I was mentally handicapped, and no one believed I had an IQ of 145 until the effects wore off and I got my brainpower back. It was some scary stuff, and I swore off going for long periods without sleep ever again.
I've noticed if I'm in a depressive or mixed episode I'm much more likely to burst into tears and bawl hard over something that would only otherwise get me sad or frustrated, and people who know me well know I almost never cry.
To answer your question, when I'm forced to be social without sleep (like has happened recently at work, just yesterday in fact) and some customer sets me off I just get a manager over to help as soon as I can. I know when I'm about to go off on someone and have to practice a LOT of self-control.
The last customer to go off on me had a really bad attitude and acted very arrogant (demanding a free drink because I poured the wrong one when her kids changed their mind twice about which soda they wanted), which is a pet peeve of mine. She accused me of not listening to her (and quite honestly with an earpiece on my radio and coworker bugging me to ask management questions she didn't have my full attention). I could feel myself starting to shake and burn up with anger as I went to wash out her drink cups, so I called for help. The manager on duty (who lucky for me has been my best friend since 2004) arrived and "killed her with kindness" and once she saw he was management but [i]wasn't[/i] taking her side and chewing me out she threatened not to return. I said "I'm so sorry to hear that" in a barely-concealed sarcastic tone, and when I quickly gave her the receipt (taking it and slapping it on the counter as though to say "Good Riddance") she accused me of throwing it at her, so I printed a duplicate. I finished off the transaction with "I'm just having a bad day, nothing personal" which probably came off as the half-truth it was.
I'm just hoping now that she doesn't call the 1-800 number to narc me out, corporate office has a habit of sending termination orders when things like that happen.
Wow, I can certainly relate to you when you say practicing self control. If someone says something I disagree with it's extremely hard not to run my mouth and get angry with the person.
My family drama (on both sides, my family and my in-laws) makes me obsess and think about them non-stop, I get really angry at situations I can't control and think too much about how I can solve everything for everyone.
It must be really hard having to face the customers. People are just pissed off in general, probably have a horrible attitude about life and take it out on other people for no reason.
I also can relate to crying over things, its almost like being a child again. I used to have crying fits at work, if someone told on me that I was being bitchy with a customer or some other drama, I'd go to the bathroom and cry. Sometimes I couldn't stop crying for 30 minutes-1 hour.
I think we have a lot of fear over the negative consequences from our actions/behaviour which sometimes we don't even have control over. That is a lot of anxiety to take on and probably adds to the fact that we're exhausted all the time (in the depressed phase).
People are so judgemental when it comes to how we appear, and it sucks that people thought you weren't smart.
Naturally it's not as though I can tell an employer I'm bipolar and get any sympathy, people consider that to be playing the victim card and trying to shirk responsibility for my actions. If you can get yourself declared disabled for bipolar, you might be able to sue an employer that fires you for being bipolar, but disability is very hard to get these days unless you're physically disabled.
The terminations have ruined my job history, and I really wish I could get a job outside the service sector so I wouldn't have to deal with that kind of stress (granted, nearly every job has stress of some kind but the closer you work with the public the worse it gets). I'm keeping the depressive phases in check with 5-HTP but don't have much to curb my hypomania.
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My husband pays into a program where I can get a lawyer for free. I will most likely work part time, if I get denied, go through court to make sure I get it. I don't see myself getting any better than I already am. It isn't as bad as I used to be, but you really have to consider quality of life. If the choice came down to me being able to have a great relationship with my husband or having to work and losing that relationship, the choice is obvious. I would be devastated if he decided to end the marriage over it. He has been a saint in dealing with this, especially while I was symptomatic and not on any medication.
I agree with you that working with the public is worse for people with bipolar, and stress is the main trigger for a lot of the episodes we experience. It's a catch 22.
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So just on a case-by-case basis, you've got a better chance than I do.
My bipolar symptoms aren't quite as constant as they used to be either, but when they do kick in it can make life hell. Even with the 5-HTP I still get random sleep pattern disturbances from depressive episodes (either way too much or too little) and mania can make it completely impossible to sleep due to racing thoughts. Of course, sleep deprivation can trigger or greatly worsen symptoms of bipolar, so I make sure to get 6-8 hours a night whenever possible.
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Sleep is huge for me too, one single night not getting enough sleep (8 hrs plus, usually) and watch out... I am either going to fall asleep standing up/sitting in the middle of a conversation or I'm the biggest bitch.
I'd say I usually have one consistent mood per day then if provoked I get really irritable and it takes me a while to calm down. I am extremely emotional, things that used to not phase me make me sad now. I can't watch any true crime shows or anything that is depressing, it makes me extremely depressed and sometimes I get passive thoughts of suicide just after seeing something that upsets me.
I went to an art museum the other day and I legitimately started tearing up over how beautiful the paintings were.. I've never done that once in my entire life.
What do you do if you aren't able to get enough sleep and you need to do something social the next day? Do you have any coping skills that you use?
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I've noticed if I'm in a depressive or mixed episode I'm much more likely to burst into tears and bawl hard over something that would only otherwise get me sad or frustrated, and people who know me well know I almost never cry.
To answer your question, when I'm forced to be social without sleep (like has happened recently at work, just yesterday in fact) and some customer sets me off I just get a manager over to help as soon as I can. I know when I'm about to go off on someone and have to practice a LOT of self-control.
The last customer to go off on me had a really bad attitude and acted very arrogant (demanding a free drink because I poured the wrong one when her kids changed their mind twice about which soda they wanted), which is a pet peeve of mine. She accused me of not listening to her (and quite honestly with an earpiece on my radio and coworker bugging me to ask management questions she didn't have my full attention). I could feel myself starting to shake and burn up with anger as I went to wash out her drink cups, so I called for help. The manager on duty (who lucky for me has been my best friend since 2004) arrived and "killed her with kindness" and once she saw he was management but [i]wasn't[/i] taking her side and chewing me out she threatened not to return. I said "I'm so sorry to hear that" in a barely-concealed sarcastic tone, and when I quickly gave her the receipt (taking it and slapping it on the counter as though to say "Good Riddance") she accused me of throwing it at her, so I printed a duplicate. I finished off the transaction with "I'm just having a bad day, nothing personal" which probably came off as the half-truth it was.
I'm just hoping now that she doesn't call the 1-800 number to narc me out, corporate office has a habit of sending termination orders when things like that happen.
Reply
My family drama (on both sides, my family and my in-laws) makes me obsess and think about them non-stop, I get really angry at situations I can't control and think too much about how I can solve everything for everyone.
It must be really hard having to face the customers. People are just pissed off in general, probably have a horrible attitude about life and take it out on other people for no reason.
I also can relate to crying over things, its almost like being a child again. I used to have crying fits at work, if someone told on me that I was being bitchy with a customer or some other drama, I'd go to the bathroom and cry. Sometimes I couldn't stop crying for 30 minutes-1 hour.
I think we have a lot of fear over the negative consequences from our actions/behaviour which sometimes we don't even have control over. That is a lot of anxiety to take on and probably adds to the fact that we're exhausted all the time (in the depressed phase).
People are so judgemental when it comes to how we appear, and it sucks that people thought you weren't smart.
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