(no subject)
Lately I find myself growing more and more unhappy with my life, and yet I feel trapped like nothings going to change. Worst thing is, as much as I love my bf, I think he's the main reason why.
Right now, Boi works I don't. So it's only fair that while he works and pays bills, I should try to keep the house in a somewhat clean condition. Lately, I spend a lot of time cleaning up after my 25 yr old bf. Seriously.. right outside our front door is a recycling box.. so he piles his recycling on the kitchen counter. He took the last of the lasagna for lunch, so he just throws the dish in the sink.. under something else that was already soaking (which btw he could have easily rinsed out and moved out of the sink - 2 min tops).
Seriously. Almost everyday he comes home from work and goes straight to his computer. The only real exceptions to this is 1) if its a work out day (in which case immediately after working out he goes to his computer) or 2) Its a rare occasion in which he says he's going to "sit" ("sitting" is a term used for not going to a raid.. unless they really need you.. so he always ends up going anyways). In the meantime.. I clean most of the day while he's at work. Then I usually end up cleaning more after he gets home. I -always- make dinner, and more often then not I -serve him dinner- because he wont get out of his comp chair sometimes for hours. He plays until sometime between midnight and 2ish, then complains its late and goes to bed. These are my weekdays!
Weekends, I still generally end up doing all the cleaning, and most (if not all) of the cookings, while he continues still to spend most of his time in game. I'm reaching the point where I'm feeling more like a maid then a gf. Shit.. I start my new job on Monday. I have a lot of things around the house I want to get done before I start, as well as I need to organize my closet, and get my stuff together, and plan my lunches and I just dont ever seem to have time.
I realized I started in the beginning spending a lot of time with my neighbors cause they're fun and I enjoy their company, but lately I'm starting to wonder if I don't spend so much time there at night because it lets me not have to be home. I don't enjoy sitting around my apt at night when Bois home trying to find ways to amuse myself. I've cleaned all day, I dont want to clean more.. and quite frankly if I try to talk to him or anything when he's raiding, I either get a very abrupt "I can't talk right now!" or he literally just ignores me.. I don't think he realizes per say that he ignores me.. I just think he's too absorbed in his game to give a flying fuck about anyone besides himself.
Crazy thing is.. I could have already started my job. I could have started yesterday working 3 pm - midnight, but I chose to wait til next week so I could work days. Yea.. My ass is going to be awake and at work by 8 am 5 days a week because I wanted to work roughly the same hours as Boi so we could spend more time together. Am I fucking nuts? Like shit.. I was worried if I worked 3 - midnight I'd never see him since he'd be working days.. now that I'm looking at it I wonder how much time we really spend together now?
I have less and less desire everyday to be here. Sometimes I wish I could just pack a bag or 2 and hop a bus back to Mpls.. but it really doesn't work like that. I don't even want to try anymore explaining to him how I feel. Theres no points. Like really really no point.. cause the moment I try to explain how I feel, he's either going to tell me I'm crazy/exaggerating/making stuff up/other BS excuse, or he's going to bring up something I did/didn't do months/years ago, making the conversation about what a bad person I am, instead of me trying to explain how I feel.
...
So maybe my relationships a lil unhealthy..
Right now, Boi works I don't. So it's only fair that while he works and pays bills, I should try to keep the house in a somewhat clean condition. Lately, I spend a lot of time cleaning up after my 25 yr old bf. Seriously.. right outside our front door is a recycling box.. so he piles his recycling on the kitchen counter. He took the last of the lasagna for lunch, so he just throws the dish in the sink.. under something else that was already soaking (which btw he could have easily rinsed out and moved out of the sink - 2 min tops).
Seriously. Almost everyday he comes home from work and goes straight to his computer. The only real exceptions to this is 1) if its a work out day (in which case immediately after working out he goes to his computer) or 2) Its a rare occasion in which he says he's going to "sit" ("sitting" is a term used for not going to a raid.. unless they really need you.. so he always ends up going anyways). In the meantime.. I clean most of the day while he's at work. Then I usually end up cleaning more after he gets home. I -always- make dinner, and more often then not I -serve him dinner- because he wont get out of his comp chair sometimes for hours. He plays until sometime between midnight and 2ish, then complains its late and goes to bed. These are my weekdays!
Weekends, I still generally end up doing all the cleaning, and most (if not all) of the cookings, while he continues still to spend most of his time in game. I'm reaching the point where I'm feeling more like a maid then a gf. Shit.. I start my new job on Monday. I have a lot of things around the house I want to get done before I start, as well as I need to organize my closet, and get my stuff together, and plan my lunches and I just dont ever seem to have time.
I realized I started in the beginning spending a lot of time with my neighbors cause they're fun and I enjoy their company, but lately I'm starting to wonder if I don't spend so much time there at night because it lets me not have to be home. I don't enjoy sitting around my apt at night when Bois home trying to find ways to amuse myself. I've cleaned all day, I dont want to clean more.. and quite frankly if I try to talk to him or anything when he's raiding, I either get a very abrupt "I can't talk right now!" or he literally just ignores me.. I don't think he realizes per say that he ignores me.. I just think he's too absorbed in his game to give a flying fuck about anyone besides himself.
Crazy thing is.. I could have already started my job. I could have started yesterday working 3 pm - midnight, but I chose to wait til next week so I could work days. Yea.. My ass is going to be awake and at work by 8 am 5 days a week because I wanted to work roughly the same hours as Boi so we could spend more time together. Am I fucking nuts? Like shit.. I was worried if I worked 3 - midnight I'd never see him since he'd be working days.. now that I'm looking at it I wonder how much time we really spend together now?
I have less and less desire everyday to be here. Sometimes I wish I could just pack a bag or 2 and hop a bus back to Mpls.. but it really doesn't work like that. I don't even want to try anymore explaining to him how I feel. Theres no points. Like really really no point.. cause the moment I try to explain how I feel, he's either going to tell me I'm crazy/exaggerating/making stuff up/other BS excuse, or he's going to bring up something I did/didn't do months/years ago, making the conversation about what a bad person I am, instead of me trying to explain how I feel.
...
So maybe my relationships a lil unhealthy..