(no subject)
My ex-girlfriend posred this.
Time to tell my LJ friends. Those who know me well will probably hate me. Those who don't know me will go off me.
I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm looking to make right of a mistake I made. And telling you will make me feel better. And take a weight off of my shoulders. I already feel better.
I tried to kill myself.
Thanks a lot.
But the fact of the matter is I didn't do it for you Dan. I did it for myself. I didn't like the idea that I had to grow up. I'm extreme to say the least. The funny thing is, I expected you to stay by me like you said you would. We didn't even talk about why I did it, he asked me once and I couldn't answer because he dumped me BEFORE he asked me.
So, its over Kaz. Oh yeah and by the way you crazy bitch. Why did you try it?
I don't care anymore you know. I tried it, I didn't get too far. I'm not doing it again and I appreciate life so much more. I've had to deal with the way I am since I was 11. And I'm getting better and better. I don't need people like you who tell me false things, like the whole.. what did you say..? "I love you" ? Yeah that was it.
I actually wish I'd have taken up that guys offer at that fucking party and given him my number you know. Its not like I'm with Dan anymore. But I think the fact that he still wants to talk to me is his way of making the pain of our break-up worse.
I feel better, I've tried to stay friends with Dan. But I see now I can't. I think its cause I always think "Hey if I keep this up maybe we'll get back together" Its not gonna happen because he can't trust me. But you know what matters. This matters.
I can trust myself now.
So Dan you never let me have my fucking say on the break up, but there it is, plain as day.
And if you don't want to talk to me ever again please tell me and then sever all ties. Thanks for the good times, and thanks for at least trying to help with my problems. I'll never forget you.
Now I'm gonna go and have a fat fucking joint and laugh at the simpsons with my new best friend Tracey.
Kaz
I'm sorry I couldn't stand by you through that. Call me a liar, call me a deserter. I said I'd stand by you through anything. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.
But you know, when it happened, my heart just shattered. You really tried to do die, it might have even worked. And then what? The woman I loved with everything that made me who I am had tried to leave it all behind, myself included. When you do something like that, you are affecting other people so much mroe than you could ever realise. It made me think, "how can she do this so easily? I was just with her earlier today and she didn't talk about this to me at all. I left thinking she was fine... how can she have switched so far like this?"
I could be by your side through the cutting and the beating walls until your hands bled, punching your arms till you were blue from wrist to elbow. I wanted nothing else than to hel pyou get through it. I was always trying to be there for you but you never took the help or the love I had to give you. So to turn around and come up with something like this? It makes me wonder if I even knew you at all, harsh as that sounds.
So to complain that I didn't ask you why i did it before I ended our relationship as koibito... you never even tried talking to me about it before you did it. Not once.
Never once did I call you a crazy bitch. I was always the one trying to talk to you and you were the one who would hang up the phone or walk out the house until I had to chase after you in front of your family.
I don't need people like you who tell me false things, like the whole.. what did you say..? "I love you" ? I meant it every time I said it. Even though we've broken up and it's pretty much obligatory to badmouth your ex... well, I've done no such thing, but you seem to be intent on trashing me. Fair enough, I dumped you. But don't say that in one breathe and then "thank" me for the good times in the next, because that's just being hypocritical.
As for that party, if you think getting with some guy who was taking advantage of you in front of everyone would make you feel better, go for it. But you were the one who called me in the middle of the night and I was the one who tried to keep you calm and tried to get your friends to look after you since I couldn't.
I don't want to sever all ties with you. I made that clear because even though we're not together and even though I don't feel as though I can trust you anymore, from all the times you've tried to keep things from me... that doesn't mean I have an on/off button for the love I have for you. If it hurts you to talk to me, or I just piss you off... so be it. I don't want to talk to you just so I can make you feel worse. If you think I'm that sort of person, then you don't know me at all.
I'm really happy that you can trust yourself, and I want you to have a happy life. But if I never get to find out... well, that's up to you I guess.
Time to tell my LJ friends. Those who know me well will probably hate me. Those who don't know me will go off me.
I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm looking to make right of a mistake I made. And telling you will make me feel better. And take a weight off of my shoulders. I already feel better.
I tried to kill myself.
Thanks a lot.
But the fact of the matter is I didn't do it for you Dan. I did it for myself. I didn't like the idea that I had to grow up. I'm extreme to say the least. The funny thing is, I expected you to stay by me like you said you would. We didn't even talk about why I did it, he asked me once and I couldn't answer because he dumped me BEFORE he asked me.
So, its over Kaz. Oh yeah and by the way you crazy bitch. Why did you try it?
I don't care anymore you know. I tried it, I didn't get too far. I'm not doing it again and I appreciate life so much more. I've had to deal with the way I am since I was 11. And I'm getting better and better. I don't need people like you who tell me false things, like the whole.. what did you say..? "I love you" ? Yeah that was it.
I actually wish I'd have taken up that guys offer at that fucking party and given him my number you know. Its not like I'm with Dan anymore. But I think the fact that he still wants to talk to me is his way of making the pain of our break-up worse.
I feel better, I've tried to stay friends with Dan. But I see now I can't. I think its cause I always think "Hey if I keep this up maybe we'll get back together" Its not gonna happen because he can't trust me. But you know what matters. This matters.
I can trust myself now.
So Dan you never let me have my fucking say on the break up, but there it is, plain as day.
And if you don't want to talk to me ever again please tell me and then sever all ties. Thanks for the good times, and thanks for at least trying to help with my problems. I'll never forget you.
Now I'm gonna go and have a fat fucking joint and laugh at the simpsons with my new best friend Tracey.
Kaz
I'm sorry I couldn't stand by you through that. Call me a liar, call me a deserter. I said I'd stand by you through anything. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.
But you know, when it happened, my heart just shattered. You really tried to do die, it might have even worked. And then what? The woman I loved with everything that made me who I am had tried to leave it all behind, myself included. When you do something like that, you are affecting other people so much mroe than you could ever realise. It made me think, "how can she do this so easily? I was just with her earlier today and she didn't talk about this to me at all. I left thinking she was fine... how can she have switched so far like this?"
I could be by your side through the cutting and the beating walls until your hands bled, punching your arms till you were blue from wrist to elbow. I wanted nothing else than to hel pyou get through it. I was always trying to be there for you but you never took the help or the love I had to give you. So to turn around and come up with something like this? It makes me wonder if I even knew you at all, harsh as that sounds.
So to complain that I didn't ask you why i did it before I ended our relationship as koibito... you never even tried talking to me about it before you did it. Not once.
Never once did I call you a crazy bitch. I was always the one trying to talk to you and you were the one who would hang up the phone or walk out the house until I had to chase after you in front of your family.
I don't need people like you who tell me false things, like the whole.. what did you say..? "I love you" ? I meant it every time I said it. Even though we've broken up and it's pretty much obligatory to badmouth your ex... well, I've done no such thing, but you seem to be intent on trashing me. Fair enough, I dumped you. But don't say that in one breathe and then "thank" me for the good times in the next, because that's just being hypocritical.
As for that party, if you think getting with some guy who was taking advantage of you in front of everyone would make you feel better, go for it. But you were the one who called me in the middle of the night and I was the one who tried to keep you calm and tried to get your friends to look after you since I couldn't.
I don't want to sever all ties with you. I made that clear because even though we're not together and even though I don't feel as though I can trust you anymore, from all the times you've tried to keep things from me... that doesn't mean I have an on/off button for the love I have for you. If it hurts you to talk to me, or I just piss you off... so be it. I don't want to talk to you just so I can make you feel worse. If you think I'm that sort of person, then you don't know me at all.
I'm really happy that you can trust yourself, and I want you to have a happy life. But if I never get to find out... well, that's up to you I guess.