semi-redundant update
It became clear last night that I need to reiterate some things in terms of updatiness.
1) I'm not dating anyone. L and I dated for about a month and then stopped in early May. He is my housemate and very very good friend, however, and things are pretty cool.
2) I just finished moving. We got all my stuff out of my apartment last Tuesday. I still have a bazillion boxes waiting to be unpacked/stored. Anything that needs to be mailed out will be mailed once I am at least reasonably confident that I have found everything that needs to be sent. If there are specific things that are wanted, please email me so I don't forget anything.
3) I haven't been posting much because I have been busy off my ass with my newly expanded job and the aforementioned moving. I've been online less in general. I'm not avoiding anyone or anything like that, I'm just not all that big into being online right now.
4) If people need to get ahold of me, email is likely the best method. I teach all morning and I usually have meeting scattered through the afternoons. I often teach in rooms that have shitty reception, so the call may not go through enough to even roll to voicemail.
5) I've been going to weekly therapy to get myself healthy again. This means that my own health and happiness are going to be my first priorities. This also means that I may go underground periodically to deal with things and won't want to talk to anyone or some subset thereof. It's not personal, but I won't necessarily be able to give any sort of logical explanation. I'm running on instict for a lot of this. In the past I have put a lot of effort into being "nice" and keeping everyone happy, but I need to take care of myself right now. I don't want drAma, I don't want arguements and I don't want to rehash old crap. I'm dealing with the damage I have right now and that's my first order of business. I appologize if anyone feels slighted by this, but it's something I have to do. See number 4 if you need to get ahold of me and I'm not doing the phone thing.
6) This is a sub-point of 5, but, whatever. I'm really pretty screwed up right now. For a few months I thought things were going well and that I was healing up nicely. Seems that was mostly surface stuff. In reality, I have some very nasty damage that still needs to be dealt with. As I deal with it, I've been going through periods where I'm rather pissed off at the people responsible (including myself). During those periods I will avoid those folks so as not to say or do something we'll both regret. I have a lot of anger and hurt, and rightly so. I'm not trying to say that I have never caused anyone else any pain, just that this is what I need to do to heal myself. Whatever other folks need to do to take care of themselves is cool, but I need to ask that people be respectful of what I'm needing to do right now. I am making progress, but it's slow. I'm dealing with some unpleasant shit. Like a deep-seated belief that I am not worth anything much and that that is why various people have treated me poorly. This goes back decades.
7) I may return to being more active online, or I may not. I'm not sure. I'm not making any predictions.
8) I tend to be a bit more self-assertive these days, so if I feel someone is trying to push me around or make things my fault that aren't, I tend to push back. This is a good bit different from a lot of my past behavior, but it's a lot healthier for me than pretending everything was fine when it wasn't. Hell, I'd even convinced myself that I was mostly better when I wasn't.
So, bottom line - moved, single, in therapy, being hedgehog-like (private and prickly), reachable by email.
1) I'm not dating anyone. L and I dated for about a month and then stopped in early May. He is my housemate and very very good friend, however, and things are pretty cool.
2) I just finished moving. We got all my stuff out of my apartment last Tuesday. I still have a bazillion boxes waiting to be unpacked/stored. Anything that needs to be mailed out will be mailed once I am at least reasonably confident that I have found everything that needs to be sent. If there are specific things that are wanted, please email me so I don't forget anything.
3) I haven't been posting much because I have been busy off my ass with my newly expanded job and the aforementioned moving. I've been online less in general. I'm not avoiding anyone or anything like that, I'm just not all that big into being online right now.
4) If people need to get ahold of me, email is likely the best method. I teach all morning and I usually have meeting scattered through the afternoons. I often teach in rooms that have shitty reception, so the call may not go through enough to even roll to voicemail.
5) I've been going to weekly therapy to get myself healthy again. This means that my own health and happiness are going to be my first priorities. This also means that I may go underground periodically to deal with things and won't want to talk to anyone or some subset thereof. It's not personal, but I won't necessarily be able to give any sort of logical explanation. I'm running on instict for a lot of this. In the past I have put a lot of effort into being "nice" and keeping everyone happy, but I need to take care of myself right now. I don't want drAma, I don't want arguements and I don't want to rehash old crap. I'm dealing with the damage I have right now and that's my first order of business. I appologize if anyone feels slighted by this, but it's something I have to do. See number 4 if you need to get ahold of me and I'm not doing the phone thing.
6) This is a sub-point of 5, but, whatever. I'm really pretty screwed up right now. For a few months I thought things were going well and that I was healing up nicely. Seems that was mostly surface stuff. In reality, I have some very nasty damage that still needs to be dealt with. As I deal with it, I've been going through periods where I'm rather pissed off at the people responsible (including myself). During those periods I will avoid those folks so as not to say or do something we'll both regret. I have a lot of anger and hurt, and rightly so. I'm not trying to say that I have never caused anyone else any pain, just that this is what I need to do to heal myself. Whatever other folks need to do to take care of themselves is cool, but I need to ask that people be respectful of what I'm needing to do right now. I am making progress, but it's slow. I'm dealing with some unpleasant shit. Like a deep-seated belief that I am not worth anything much and that that is why various people have treated me poorly. This goes back decades.
7) I may return to being more active online, or I may not. I'm not sure. I'm not making any predictions.
8) I tend to be a bit more self-assertive these days, so if I feel someone is trying to push me around or make things my fault that aren't, I tend to push back. This is a good bit different from a lot of my past behavior, but it's a lot healthier for me than pretending everything was fine when it wasn't. Hell, I'd even convinced myself that I was mostly better when I wasn't.
So, bottom line - moved, single, in therapy, being hedgehog-like (private and prickly), reachable by email.