An essay on sex
BIG WARNING: Beneath this cut is, for lack of a better term, an essay I've written in response to a guy I know who, between you and I, has a big problem with premature ejaculation. He's also a porn addicted pervert. So if you choose to keep reading, be warned that this gets a tad explicit, and it's definitely a rant. But I also think it's quite enjoyable!
It has recently come to my attention that some guys (not all, but some) seem to think that girls should be willing to behave like porn stars. Well, this has been written in order to remind you that for the most part, we women are NOT whores and we're not willing to lower our boundaries just so that you can live out some perverse and disrespectful fantasy.
I was raised in a very open, honest environment by parents who have never tried to hide the fact that their marriage is happy and sexually active. As a result, I've grown into an open 22-year-old woman with a very healthy sexual appetite. Sex is one of my favorite things to do, and I'm more than willing to experiment. I'm definitely not what you would call a prude; however, I'm no slut either. In my life I have had sex with three guys, one of whom was my boyfriend for three years, and the other two were friends I've known since high school. I'm not one to spread myself around to strangers and have never had a one-night stand. I'm very sexual, but I also have a ton of self-respect and therefore will not allow some asshole who has no respect for women to violate me or tell me I can't say no to something I'm not comfortable with.
Issue 1: Menage a Trois
It doesn't hurt to ask a girl if she'll have a 3-way sexual encounter with you and another girl, but I can tell you now that the answer is probably going to be no. During sex I am absolutely not willing to share because I shouldn't have to. If I'm having sex with someone, it's going to be the two of us and I better have his full attention. You can tell me I'm "sexually closed-minded," as I was recently called (by a homophobic Republican, no less...that's a whole other story) but let me ask you guys something: Do you want to have a 3-way with a girl and another guy? No? Well why not? You're not gay? Oh, well that's weird, because NEITHER AM I! I have nothing against gay or lesbian people; in fact, I've recently begun to wish I'd been born homosexual (because I do believe people are born one way or the other). I'm losing faith in the opposite sex, but unfortunately I was born heterosexual and I am not sexually attracted to women. So why would I want to engage in sexual activity with you and another girl when it would make me nothing but uncomfortable? I hate to be the one to break this to you, but real life is not what you see on your Girls Gone Wild DVDs. Most girls are not loose, oompa-loompa complected skanks willing to whip their mosquito bite breasts out for a camera, and most girls won't be willing to experiment sexually with other girls simply to fulfill your disgusting masturbatory fantasies. What even makes you think you're so spectacular of a male specimen that you deserve two women at the same time? I mean, if you can't even manage to last long enough during sex to bring one girl to orgasm, how the hell do you expect to handle two? Good luck finding two girls who will want you once they realize you're going to blow your load in 30 seconds flat EVERY TIME! Guys who are laughable in bed (no names!) are not guys who get to experience scenarios from porn. So unless you look like Johnny Depp and have the stamina of a stallion on speed, I'd recommend you be satisfied with the one girl you've got on you and be happy just to be getting laid at all.
Issue 2: Penis Size
Size doesn't matter...to an extent. The three guys I've slept with have all had very different sizes in their pants so I've experienced a variety in this department. I can say with complete honesty that the best sex I've ever had was with the guy who falls in the middle of the spectrum. He is a friend, not the guy I dated for three years, so I know that love wasn't the determining factor in how good that sex was. The simple fact of the matter is that even though this particular guy has an average sized penis, he knows how to use it! You don't have to be the size of Ron Jeremy to make a woman moan, you simply have to know what to do with what you've been given. Slipping out of the girl every time you try to thrust is not using your penis correctly. Knock it off! You're clearly not as big as you like to think you are, so accommodate accordingly. Shoving your foot-long penis so far into the girl that she can feel it in her stomach is also not correct. Speaking from experience, that fucking hurts, and those whimpering noises she's making are not ones of pleasure. Be careful, attentive and watch her reactions. That one guy, the really good one, is always watching and listening to make sure that I'm enjoying it, and if I'm not, he changes things up so that I am. Being selfish in bed is going to get you nowhere. If you work hard to please her, she's going to be much more likely to please you in return. This seems to us girls like a no brainer, but apparently many of you guys out there just don't get it.
As for you poor guys with penises the size of your pinky finger, you have my condolences. In all reality, it's probably not going to do much. I'd recommend working on your oral skills, if you catch my drift.
Issue 3: Bodily Fluids
This is something that I cannot understand about some guys. I'm going to blame it on the porn industry because I've never met a girl in real life who actually wants to participate in this. For lack of a better term, I'm going to call it the "cum on my tits" complex. For some reason, there are guys out there who like the idea of ejaculating onto the face/breasts of their partners, who are actually turned on by this. New flash, guys: This is degrading and disgusting, and the girls who like this exist only in the world of adult films. These women are so loose and worn out that they can probably fit Nerf footballs in their vaginas. It's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway, guys! Regular, self-respecting girls do not want to be slathered in your slimy seed. Do you think we're blow-up dolls with O-shaped mouths, just waiting for whatever you decide to splooge on us? Is this how your mother raised you? How about you wake up and realize that having cum shot in our faces is about as disrespectful and violating as if you were to slap us around after sex. Why don't you try to have some fucking respect for women and keep your man juice where it belongs: in the condom, in the woman, or in her mouth (if that's okay with her). If a guy wants to give me a pearl necklace, they had better be real pearls.
To conclude this lengthy rant, I would like to remind you of the male sex that porn is created for a reason, which is that women in general will not do what those sluts in your movies will. So you can watch them and pretend, but stop expecting us to behave that way. We're not going to fool around with another girl, we're not going to let you splatter your hot, sticky semen all over our bodies, and we're not going to become contortionists so we can bend over backwards for you (literally). I'm sick of being objectified and treated as though being a disgusting whore in bed is something I should want to do. I like sex and I prefer to have a lot of it, but I respect myself, so you need to start doing the same. If you refuse, then I hope you do fuck one of those skanky girls and I hope you get syphilis.
It has recently come to my attention that some guys (not all, but some) seem to think that girls should be willing to behave like porn stars. Well, this has been written in order to remind you that for the most part, we women are NOT whores and we're not willing to lower our boundaries just so that you can live out some perverse and disrespectful fantasy.
I was raised in a very open, honest environment by parents who have never tried to hide the fact that their marriage is happy and sexually active. As a result, I've grown into an open 22-year-old woman with a very healthy sexual appetite. Sex is one of my favorite things to do, and I'm more than willing to experiment. I'm definitely not what you would call a prude; however, I'm no slut either. In my life I have had sex with three guys, one of whom was my boyfriend for three years, and the other two were friends I've known since high school. I'm not one to spread myself around to strangers and have never had a one-night stand. I'm very sexual, but I also have a ton of self-respect and therefore will not allow some asshole who has no respect for women to violate me or tell me I can't say no to something I'm not comfortable with.
Issue 1: Menage a Trois
It doesn't hurt to ask a girl if she'll have a 3-way sexual encounter with you and another girl, but I can tell you now that the answer is probably going to be no. During sex I am absolutely not willing to share because I shouldn't have to. If I'm having sex with someone, it's going to be the two of us and I better have his full attention. You can tell me I'm "sexually closed-minded," as I was recently called (by a homophobic Republican, no less...that's a whole other story) but let me ask you guys something: Do you want to have a 3-way with a girl and another guy? No? Well why not? You're not gay? Oh, well that's weird, because NEITHER AM I! I have nothing against gay or lesbian people; in fact, I've recently begun to wish I'd been born homosexual (because I do believe people are born one way or the other). I'm losing faith in the opposite sex, but unfortunately I was born heterosexual and I am not sexually attracted to women. So why would I want to engage in sexual activity with you and another girl when it would make me nothing but uncomfortable? I hate to be the one to break this to you, but real life is not what you see on your Girls Gone Wild DVDs. Most girls are not loose, oompa-loompa complected skanks willing to whip their mosquito bite breasts out for a camera, and most girls won't be willing to experiment sexually with other girls simply to fulfill your disgusting masturbatory fantasies. What even makes you think you're so spectacular of a male specimen that you deserve two women at the same time? I mean, if you can't even manage to last long enough during sex to bring one girl to orgasm, how the hell do you expect to handle two? Good luck finding two girls who will want you once they realize you're going to blow your load in 30 seconds flat EVERY TIME! Guys who are laughable in bed (no names!) are not guys who get to experience scenarios from porn. So unless you look like Johnny Depp and have the stamina of a stallion on speed, I'd recommend you be satisfied with the one girl you've got on you and be happy just to be getting laid at all.
Issue 2: Penis Size
Size doesn't matter...to an extent. The three guys I've slept with have all had very different sizes in their pants so I've experienced a variety in this department. I can say with complete honesty that the best sex I've ever had was with the guy who falls in the middle of the spectrum. He is a friend, not the guy I dated for three years, so I know that love wasn't the determining factor in how good that sex was. The simple fact of the matter is that even though this particular guy has an average sized penis, he knows how to use it! You don't have to be the size of Ron Jeremy to make a woman moan, you simply have to know what to do with what you've been given. Slipping out of the girl every time you try to thrust is not using your penis correctly. Knock it off! You're clearly not as big as you like to think you are, so accommodate accordingly. Shoving your foot-long penis so far into the girl that she can feel it in her stomach is also not correct. Speaking from experience, that fucking hurts, and those whimpering noises she's making are not ones of pleasure. Be careful, attentive and watch her reactions. That one guy, the really good one, is always watching and listening to make sure that I'm enjoying it, and if I'm not, he changes things up so that I am. Being selfish in bed is going to get you nowhere. If you work hard to please her, she's going to be much more likely to please you in return. This seems to us girls like a no brainer, but apparently many of you guys out there just don't get it.
As for you poor guys with penises the size of your pinky finger, you have my condolences. In all reality, it's probably not going to do much. I'd recommend working on your oral skills, if you catch my drift.
Issue 3: Bodily Fluids
This is something that I cannot understand about some guys. I'm going to blame it on the porn industry because I've never met a girl in real life who actually wants to participate in this. For lack of a better term, I'm going to call it the "cum on my tits" complex. For some reason, there are guys out there who like the idea of ejaculating onto the face/breasts of their partners, who are actually turned on by this. New flash, guys: This is degrading and disgusting, and the girls who like this exist only in the world of adult films. These women are so loose and worn out that they can probably fit Nerf footballs in their vaginas. It's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway, guys! Regular, self-respecting girls do not want to be slathered in your slimy seed. Do you think we're blow-up dolls with O-shaped mouths, just waiting for whatever you decide to splooge on us? Is this how your mother raised you? How about you wake up and realize that having cum shot in our faces is about as disrespectful and violating as if you were to slap us around after sex. Why don't you try to have some fucking respect for women and keep your man juice where it belongs: in the condom, in the woman, or in her mouth (if that's okay with her). If a guy wants to give me a pearl necklace, they had better be real pearls.
To conclude this lengthy rant, I would like to remind you of the male sex that porn is created for a reason, which is that women in general will not do what those sluts in your movies will. So you can watch them and pretend, but stop expecting us to behave that way. We're not going to fool around with another girl, we're not going to let you splatter your hot, sticky semen all over our bodies, and we're not going to become contortionists so we can bend over backwards for you (literally). I'm sick of being objectified and treated as though being a disgusting whore in bed is something I should want to do. I like sex and I prefer to have a lot of it, but I respect myself, so you need to start doing the same. If you refuse, then I hope you do fuck one of those skanky girls and I hope you get syphilis.