(no subject)
i got to make one of my best friends' new years better:
vivienne has been having some trouble with this guy named cory. long story, and not mine to tell, but basically she loves him and the distance is not an issue with her (she goes to ucsd with me, he goes to cal poly, which is a few hours away) but it is with him, so he has trouble showing her how he feels because he doesn't like that they're always so far apart. anyway, i'd helped him out before when he hurt her feelings once and didn't really know it and she asked me to talk to him. i gave him this analogy that it was like he was standing in the middle of a highway with a big rig heading straight for him. "so cory, let me ask you this... are you going to move?" and i hung up the phone ahhahaha it was pretty awesome. he shaped up though :)
normally i'm completely opposed to a third member making a couple's business their own to "help out". if i want to talk to someone about something, i will. sometimes i don't have the guts to, so i don't, which is the case now actually. anyway, vivienne asked me to, and as she is one of my closest friends in college, i agreed, with her permission and with her approving what i would be saying first.
cory came to visit vivienne a few days ago and they spent the whole day together. she asked him what he was doing for new years and he said he was going to hang out with his boys. he didn't even ask her what she was doing, which up to that point, was nothing, and with no one. so i sent cory this email:
"are you aware that you are missing out on something? sometimes guys are completely clueless... if guys picked up on EVERY SINGLE sign girls threw out there, we'd all be getting so much more ass. don't you agree?
i'm doing you a favor right now, really. think of me as the bird that a particular pretty lady confides in who, without permission or consultation, took it upon herself to alert someone like yourself that you COULD POSSIBLY BE messing up. (false, cory thinks i took it upon myself but it was just cuz i didn't want him to know vivienne asked me to do this) messing up is a harsh word though. but let's move on, i'm sticking with it.
let's start with what i know: you're spending new years with the boys. bros before hoes, i get it i get it, chicks before dicks, eh?
eh.
but have you ever heard of this little tradition some nerds made up that when the clock strikes midnight on new years, you're supposed to be in a liplock with someone whom you love, would like to love, or think is really fucking hot? obviously not.
i know what you're thinking. i know, i know, you're thinking "oh goodness, what am i to do?" you dont' want to ditch the guys, but the offer is hard to resist. how are you going to tell your guys you're going to spend it with vivie... i mean a pretty lady... when you already agreed to have a guys night. thing is, your guys would be proud of you. in their minds, they'd really be thinking "yeah cory. you go. you go. and you make her happy cuz damnit, i wish i had someone to hook up with tonight. i was just gonna watch porn..."
not to worry, my friend, you are not standing in the middle of the highway again, no. you've secured your spot on the sidewalk.
there are some things that i doubt you are aware of, however, which is the whole point i've been working up to in the first place. did you know that as of now, she is spending new years alone? how many guys are you supposed to hang out with? a handful? i'm sure they can take care of each other, but how do you think this looks? you're not really sending the message that you care about her by letting her spend new years by herself. who is she gonna kiss? who are you gonna kiss? how do you think she feels? psh if i'm coming to you as a bird then there's obviously something wrong with this picture. i mean... WTF IS WRONG WITCHYOO BOY? (i said that outloud, in a high pitched, black woman voice....yeah i brought my black woman out on you.) cant you see she loves you?
all i'm asking is that you think about it. i do happen to know that vivienne wants you to be her first kiss in 2007. what better time to do it than on new years? cmon man, she's spending it alone...
hell, i'll just push you off that sidewalk myself.
think about it. happy holidays, brotha"
cory texted her asking what she was going to do for new years, and she said nothing. then he asked her to be his date at a different party where they have mutual friends, and if he would be her first kiss in 2007.
i need to find myself one of those birds. that'll never happen though... i'll just call up patrick, i guess.
once again, happy new years everyone!
vivienne has been having some trouble with this guy named cory. long story, and not mine to tell, but basically she loves him and the distance is not an issue with her (she goes to ucsd with me, he goes to cal poly, which is a few hours away) but it is with him, so he has trouble showing her how he feels because he doesn't like that they're always so far apart. anyway, i'd helped him out before when he hurt her feelings once and didn't really know it and she asked me to talk to him. i gave him this analogy that it was like he was standing in the middle of a highway with a big rig heading straight for him. "so cory, let me ask you this... are you going to move?" and i hung up the phone ahhahaha it was pretty awesome. he shaped up though :)
normally i'm completely opposed to a third member making a couple's business their own to "help out". if i want to talk to someone about something, i will. sometimes i don't have the guts to, so i don't, which is the case now actually. anyway, vivienne asked me to, and as she is one of my closest friends in college, i agreed, with her permission and with her approving what i would be saying first.
cory came to visit vivienne a few days ago and they spent the whole day together. she asked him what he was doing for new years and he said he was going to hang out with his boys. he didn't even ask her what she was doing, which up to that point, was nothing, and with no one. so i sent cory this email:
"are you aware that you are missing out on something? sometimes guys are completely clueless... if guys picked up on EVERY SINGLE sign girls threw out there, we'd all be getting so much more ass. don't you agree?
i'm doing you a favor right now, really. think of me as the bird that a particular pretty lady confides in who, without permission or consultation, took it upon herself to alert someone like yourself that you COULD POSSIBLY BE messing up. (false, cory thinks i took it upon myself but it was just cuz i didn't want him to know vivienne asked me to do this) messing up is a harsh word though. but let's move on, i'm sticking with it.
let's start with what i know: you're spending new years with the boys. bros before hoes, i get it i get it, chicks before dicks, eh?
eh.
but have you ever heard of this little tradition some nerds made up that when the clock strikes midnight on new years, you're supposed to be in a liplock with someone whom you love, would like to love, or think is really fucking hot? obviously not.
i know what you're thinking. i know, i know, you're thinking "oh goodness, what am i to do?" you dont' want to ditch the guys, but the offer is hard to resist. how are you going to tell your guys you're going to spend it with vivie... i mean a pretty lady... when you already agreed to have a guys night. thing is, your guys would be proud of you. in their minds, they'd really be thinking "yeah cory. you go. you go. and you make her happy cuz damnit, i wish i had someone to hook up with tonight. i was just gonna watch porn..."
not to worry, my friend, you are not standing in the middle of the highway again, no. you've secured your spot on the sidewalk.
there are some things that i doubt you are aware of, however, which is the whole point i've been working up to in the first place. did you know that as of now, she is spending new years alone? how many guys are you supposed to hang out with? a handful? i'm sure they can take care of each other, but how do you think this looks? you're not really sending the message that you care about her by letting her spend new years by herself. who is she gonna kiss? who are you gonna kiss? how do you think she feels? psh if i'm coming to you as a bird then there's obviously something wrong with this picture. i mean... WTF IS WRONG WITCHYOO BOY? (i said that outloud, in a high pitched, black woman voice....yeah i brought my black woman out on you.) cant you see she loves you?
all i'm asking is that you think about it. i do happen to know that vivienne wants you to be her first kiss in 2007. what better time to do it than on new years? cmon man, she's spending it alone...
hell, i'll just push you off that sidewalk myself.
think about it. happy holidays, brotha"
cory texted her asking what she was going to do for new years, and she said nothing. then he asked her to be his date at a different party where they have mutual friends, and if he would be her first kiss in 2007.
i need to find myself one of those birds. that'll never happen though... i'll just call up patrick, i guess.
once again, happy new years everyone!