Realisation
Title: Reality
Rating: M for the use of severe swearing
Character: Goo Hara; KARA
Genre: Angst, I guess.
Summary: Hara realises that the world isn't the fluffy bundle of love she thought it was.
Warning: Not much, really, unless you're expecting some Junhyung/Hara hate. And if you dislike strong!hara.
Disclaimer: Hara is not mine (damn it) nor are any other characters.
The realisation that the world wasn't all fairies and pink didn't hit her until she got into high school. Sure, the auditions for those big-name companies were tiring, and when she got so damn close to winning, but got beaten by some kid that managed to be more appealing, more hard-working than her, it nagged at her mind. But that didn’t mean she didn’t believe in the world, the world that she hoped would fall in love with her, for all the effort she put into her life.
She hadn’t realized that the world wouldn’t recognise her hard work.
She had been so excited as she had put on her new uniform, neatly pressed from the night before.
And she had brushed her hair approximately five hundred times, just so she didn’t look like some madwoman.
Then she had prayed that everything would go well.
And everything did go well.
Until the end of school, that is.
She had been energetically skipping out of school, her head filled with thoughts of perhaps practicing some lines, or learning a new dance move.
She stopped when she felt her face collide with the dusty ground.
Upon getting over the initial shock, she had looked up, and found five sunbaes, all of them girls, and all of them laughing at her.
At first, she thought it had been because she had tripped over so epically, and she mentally reprimanded herself for that. Stupid, stupid, why couldn’t you at least fall over gracefully?
But then she caught sight of one of the sunbae’s foot sticking out at the exact spot she had tripped, and suddenly, she wasn’t so angry at herself.
After getting up, she was about to just walk away, because nothing good would come out of yelling at them, but the back of her collar was gripped tightly, and the sunbaes surrounded her.
And she had obediently followed them into that little alleyway behind the school, because she knew that no one would help her, no one would be so brave to be her savior.
“You think you’re all that, don’t you?” one of them taunted, and she felt the strong urge to reply, all what?
She didn’t say anything.
“Just because you auditioned for all those companies doesn’t mean the boys like you, you bitch. I bet your whole face is fake,” another said.
“But I’m not,” she had replied, because if there was one thing she couldn’t stand being criticised about, it was her face.
She hadn’t gotten plastic surgery, and she was completely natural.
Why couldn’t anyone just accept that?
For her indignant answer, however, she received a slap on the face.
“Why are you hitting me?” she asked.
And in one moment, all five of them were hitting her, pulling at her hair, kicking her in the stomach.
What did I do? was all she could think about.
When they had left, laughing and spitting at her, warning her to know her fucking place, she gathered up the courage to look at herself in the mirror she carried around.
Through the cracked edges, she found her hair in a crazy mess, almost like a bird’s nest, and bruises all over her face and her body.
She brushed it down as neatly as she could, and bought some concealer on the way home.
In that one day, she had realized one thing.
The world wasn’t so loving anymore.
And months went past, the bullying becoming less severe over time as she barely auditioned for anything anymore.
And like a miracle, she was picked, chosen, to be a new addition to KARA, a tiny little girl group with barely any existence in the entertainment industry.
But she had accepted, because she was so desperate to have her efforts recognised, to earn money so that her family could be better off.
She hadn’t expected everyone to hate her.
Sure, it was true she had gotten plastic surgery, but they were only so minor, and her company had made her get it.
And she knew she wasn’t the greatest singer out there, but she also knew she wasn’t the worst.
But the hurtful comments people left online, the way people booed at her when they performed, it was a shock to her.
But like she had adapted to the harsh high school environment, she adapted to the harsh life of an idol.
She, even though she wasn’t hilariously funny, went on every program that could get KARA’s name out to the world.
She did the most ridiculous and humiliating things so that when they performed people would say, hey, isn’t that the girl who did such and such? instead of just ignoring them.
She became the item that people could use and throw away whenever they wanted, because hey, you want your group to succeed, right?
And she couldn’t hate herself for it, no matter how much she tried, because it was what had brought that tiniest amount of attention to her group.
She loved all the members so much, for always being with her, for understanding that she wasn’t a dim moron, like everyone else thought.
She never, ever wanted to lose them.
So the news that KARA was going to break up came as a shock to her.
She had felt some resentment towards her company for overworking her and the members, but she had never had the slightest idea of pursuing a lawsuit against them, especially without their leader.
And she was the first to go to Gyuri’s side, to bring this controversy to an end.
It was really quite amusing, though.
She was in the midst of this crisis without really knowing anything about it.
Because it had been her parents, and Nicole’s mother, and Seungyeon’s parents, and Jiyoung’s parents, that had decided, without any confirmation from their daughters, that our precious daughters don’t deserve this shit.
She had then responded with you don’t fucking know what goes through my head, so fuck off.
So she had frantically called all the members, repeatedly texting and calling them even though their phones were turned off.
And then when Jiyoung had called her, raw confusion and anger in her voice, pleading for her to do something, to get them out of this, she had decided that it was her that would bring the glory that was KARA back.
So she had spent days after days trying to convince the members to come back, to somehow explain to their parents that they were perfectly fine with DSP, and that they wanted to go back.
The news articles about Gyuri’s decreasing health, and recent photos of the usually cheerful leader at her radio program looking like she hadn’t slept for months were a major reason why the members became so active about the topic to their parents and their lawyers.
And she felt so damn happy when they had finally announced that no, we aren’t going to break up that she completely forgot about the days without sleep.
Unfortunately, her body didn’t.
She slept for days and days on end, only getting up when she needed to be fed, or to pee.
And that was just what she needed to get back up on her feet, to become the cheerful moron of KARA again.
She faced another dilemma some time after, only, this was one of those happy dilemmas.
Junhyung had asked her out, after a long time of being on the verge of just friends to a couple.
And when she had drily informed him of the negative image it would have on him if the relationship came to light of the public, stating that she was apparently a slut and a fake, he had just chuckled, patting her on the head as if she had said something ridiculous but he was just humouring her.
“But the important thing is that I know that you’re not a slut and a fake. Besides, I’m apparently a gangster,” he had replied, and so, she had agreed to their relationship.
He wasn’t superficial. He treated her with respect, always making fun of the rude comments made about their relationship once it broke out.
And he never blamed her for the hate he was receiving, the disappointment his fans faced.
Even as she received all those hate letters telling her to get the fuck away from oppa, she put the worries away from him, always smiling like nothing was wrong.
Because she saw the hate comments, but she also saw the encouraging ones, like Thank God such a pretty unnie took that gangster in.
And that was what really kept her going, to be honest.
The people that always encouraged her, even when no one else wanted to.
They were like oxygen to her, really.
And even today, she’d wake up, determined and strong, because she was Goo Hara, proud member of KARA.
Rating: M for the use of severe swearing
Character: Goo Hara; KARA
Genre: Angst, I guess.
Summary: Hara realises that the world isn't the fluffy bundle of love she thought it was.
Warning: Not much, really, unless you're expecting some Junhyung/Hara hate. And if you dislike strong!hara.
Disclaimer: Hara is not mine (damn it) nor are any other characters.
The realisation that the world wasn't all fairies and pink didn't hit her until she got into high school. Sure, the auditions for those big-name companies were tiring, and when she got so damn close to winning, but got beaten by some kid that managed to be more appealing, more hard-working than her, it nagged at her mind. But that didn’t mean she didn’t believe in the world, the world that she hoped would fall in love with her, for all the effort she put into her life.
She hadn’t realized that the world wouldn’t recognise her hard work.
She had been so excited as she had put on her new uniform, neatly pressed from the night before.
And she had brushed her hair approximately five hundred times, just so she didn’t look like some madwoman.
Then she had prayed that everything would go well.
And everything did go well.
Until the end of school, that is.
She had been energetically skipping out of school, her head filled with thoughts of perhaps practicing some lines, or learning a new dance move.
She stopped when she felt her face collide with the dusty ground.
Upon getting over the initial shock, she had looked up, and found five sunbaes, all of them girls, and all of them laughing at her.
At first, she thought it had been because she had tripped over so epically, and she mentally reprimanded herself for that. Stupid, stupid, why couldn’t you at least fall over gracefully?
But then she caught sight of one of the sunbae’s foot sticking out at the exact spot she had tripped, and suddenly, she wasn’t so angry at herself.
After getting up, she was about to just walk away, because nothing good would come out of yelling at them, but the back of her collar was gripped tightly, and the sunbaes surrounded her.
And she had obediently followed them into that little alleyway behind the school, because she knew that no one would help her, no one would be so brave to be her savior.
“You think you’re all that, don’t you?” one of them taunted, and she felt the strong urge to reply, all what?
She didn’t say anything.
“Just because you auditioned for all those companies doesn’t mean the boys like you, you bitch. I bet your whole face is fake,” another said.
“But I’m not,” she had replied, because if there was one thing she couldn’t stand being criticised about, it was her face.
She hadn’t gotten plastic surgery, and she was completely natural.
Why couldn’t anyone just accept that?
For her indignant answer, however, she received a slap on the face.
“Why are you hitting me?” she asked.
And in one moment, all five of them were hitting her, pulling at her hair, kicking her in the stomach.
What did I do? was all she could think about.
When they had left, laughing and spitting at her, warning her to know her fucking place, she gathered up the courage to look at herself in the mirror she carried around.
Through the cracked edges, she found her hair in a crazy mess, almost like a bird’s nest, and bruises all over her face and her body.
She brushed it down as neatly as she could, and bought some concealer on the way home.
In that one day, she had realized one thing.
The world wasn’t so loving anymore.
And months went past, the bullying becoming less severe over time as she barely auditioned for anything anymore.
And like a miracle, she was picked, chosen, to be a new addition to KARA, a tiny little girl group with barely any existence in the entertainment industry.
But she had accepted, because she was so desperate to have her efforts recognised, to earn money so that her family could be better off.
She hadn’t expected everyone to hate her.
Sure, it was true she had gotten plastic surgery, but they were only so minor, and her company had made her get it.
And she knew she wasn’t the greatest singer out there, but she also knew she wasn’t the worst.
But the hurtful comments people left online, the way people booed at her when they performed, it was a shock to her.
But like she had adapted to the harsh high school environment, she adapted to the harsh life of an idol.
She, even though she wasn’t hilariously funny, went on every program that could get KARA’s name out to the world.
She did the most ridiculous and humiliating things so that when they performed people would say, hey, isn’t that the girl who did such and such? instead of just ignoring them.
She became the item that people could use and throw away whenever they wanted, because hey, you want your group to succeed, right?
And she couldn’t hate herself for it, no matter how much she tried, because it was what had brought that tiniest amount of attention to her group.
She loved all the members so much, for always being with her, for understanding that she wasn’t a dim moron, like everyone else thought.
She never, ever wanted to lose them.
So the news that KARA was going to break up came as a shock to her.
She had felt some resentment towards her company for overworking her and the members, but she had never had the slightest idea of pursuing a lawsuit against them, especially without their leader.
And she was the first to go to Gyuri’s side, to bring this controversy to an end.
It was really quite amusing, though.
She was in the midst of this crisis without really knowing anything about it.
Because it had been her parents, and Nicole’s mother, and Seungyeon’s parents, and Jiyoung’s parents, that had decided, without any confirmation from their daughters, that our precious daughters don’t deserve this shit.
She had then responded with you don’t fucking know what goes through my head, so fuck off.
So she had frantically called all the members, repeatedly texting and calling them even though their phones were turned off.
And then when Jiyoung had called her, raw confusion and anger in her voice, pleading for her to do something, to get them out of this, she had decided that it was her that would bring the glory that was KARA back.
So she had spent days after days trying to convince the members to come back, to somehow explain to their parents that they were perfectly fine with DSP, and that they wanted to go back.
The news articles about Gyuri’s decreasing health, and recent photos of the usually cheerful leader at her radio program looking like she hadn’t slept for months were a major reason why the members became so active about the topic to their parents and their lawyers.
And she felt so damn happy when they had finally announced that no, we aren’t going to break up that she completely forgot about the days without sleep.
Unfortunately, her body didn’t.
She slept for days and days on end, only getting up when she needed to be fed, or to pee.
And that was just what she needed to get back up on her feet, to become the cheerful moron of KARA again.
She faced another dilemma some time after, only, this was one of those happy dilemmas.
Junhyung had asked her out, after a long time of being on the verge of just friends to a couple.
And when she had drily informed him of the negative image it would have on him if the relationship came to light of the public, stating that she was apparently a slut and a fake, he had just chuckled, patting her on the head as if she had said something ridiculous but he was just humouring her.
“But the important thing is that I know that you’re not a slut and a fake. Besides, I’m apparently a gangster,” he had replied, and so, she had agreed to their relationship.
He wasn’t superficial. He treated her with respect, always making fun of the rude comments made about their relationship once it broke out.
And he never blamed her for the hate he was receiving, the disappointment his fans faced.
Even as she received all those hate letters telling her to get the fuck away from oppa, she put the worries away from him, always smiling like nothing was wrong.
Because she saw the hate comments, but she also saw the encouraging ones, like Thank God such a pretty unnie took that gangster in.
And that was what really kept her going, to be honest.
The people that always encouraged her, even when no one else wanted to.
They were like oxygen to her, really.
And even today, she’d wake up, determined and strong, because she was Goo Hara, proud member of KARA.