poo diaries day one
way-ell, i know i haven't been around these parts in a long time but as of today i have started the MASTER cleanse. i have wanted to do this for a very very long time. my best buddy nicole smith made it 5 out of the 10 days a couple years ago. last january my friend colby made it 3 days, maria made it 9 and carrie made it the whole 10! i wussed out of course last year but now i'm determined to do it! i was inspired by carrie to log (haha) my own poop journal. here is her's. just click the right arrow at the top to go to the next entries. it is probably the most entertaining thing to read ever. and i hope mine is just as entertaining. it's gonna be a riot and it's gonna get poopy. i won't get too graphic but this whole poop blog will be for me to look back and be proud of my journey and to laugh hysterically. and of course, for my lj friends to follow me on my fantastic voyage.
so i went to pick up my friend alina from the o'hare airport friday night from mexico. and she was talking about her friend's mom on this new cleansing diet. and i'm like no way man, that cleanse's been around since the 70's. and she thought it was this whole new thing. told her about my girly squirrels who did the cleanse and how i chickened out last year. but we talked long and hard about it and i wanted to start as soon as possible before i thought too much about it and wussed out again. ya see, i really want to get a kick start on healthy eating. a fresh start and how can i do that if the nutrients i eat can't even be absorbed because of all the years of shit (literally) caked on my organs and intestines and all that fun stuff? i also want to stretch myself mentally and spiritually and test my will power. and of course i'm planning to lose some weight which is a plus. but it's a given because essentially i'm gonna be starving myself for 10 days. i'll still get nutrients from the spicy lemonade but still no solid food. the thought of that isn't too bad. i don't feel like i have this close relationship with food anymore after i lost my first 40 pounds so i don't think it'll be too much of a problem.
anyways, for those of you who are like what the fuck is the master cleanse. here's a little diddy from the book i bought on sunday: "The Master Cleanse is designed to do two things: first to detoxify the body (remove toxins/poisons from the cells and organs that are embedded) - The Agitator - and then to eliminate those toxins from the body before they can be reabsorbed and poison the body once again - The Rinse Cycle. Just as a washing machine must incorporate both of those to be effective, so must any good cleanse."
1:56 pm well to start off, last night alina (she's not starting with me til after her surgery this week) and i grilled bbq pork, asparagus, and red skin potatoes. it was deelish. i had three glasses of red wine. and before i went to bed i drank a mug of the Smooth Move laxative tea. i was up until 5 in the morning because the contractions and the churning were unbearably painful. i woke up at 7 feeling like i had to take a poo but it was just a huge fart. and all i could do was laugh and go back to bed dissatisfied rubbing my achy lower abs. i woke up at 9:30 not really tired and went to do my first salt flush that i'm supposed to do every morning. so i filled my nalgene up with COLD water and two teaspoons of non-iodized sea salt and drank it over the course of 5 minutes. i read on the message boards that people absolutely cannot handle the salt flush. i didn't think it was so bad. now the book says it'll be between a half hour and a hour when you'll have sudden urges to "eliminate". NO LATER than 30 minutes was i scurrying to the bathroom. and i probably went 5 times up until i made my first spicy lemonade.
at about 11am i filled my nalgene up with 24 oz of water, juiced 1 1/2 lemons, 6 tablespoons of organic grade b maple sryup and gave a look at the cayenne pepper. now i LOVE spicy things but the thought of shaking it in lemonade was weird to me. the book say 1/10th teaspoon for an 8 oz glass but i went to town with the cayenne pepper. it's supposed to help your blood flow i guess. so i have a SPICAAAAY lemonade. the taste isn't as bad as i expected. now it's 2:11 and i'm not hungry at all. i'm towards the bottom of my nalgene and there's a ton of pepper at the bottom which when i drink it, i probably make the face like when you take a shot of alcohol or give a baby a pickle for the first time. and i just laugh at the ridiculousness of this concoction. i'm determined to make it the full 10 days. they say the first 3 days are the worst. k gonna have a cigarette. back in awhile.
8:14 pm i finished my second nalgene an hour ago. don't think i can handle any more spicy lemonade for the day. i think i'm just gonna move onto water but i have some growling going on in my stomach. emily's making dinner and i can smell it. i smell bread in the oven or something. god damn it. she feels bad for eating in front of me but really i don't mind. i almost ate a fortune cookie earlier but resisted the temptation. these next 9 days should be interesting..
so i went to pick up my friend alina from the o'hare airport friday night from mexico. and she was talking about her friend's mom on this new cleansing diet. and i'm like no way man, that cleanse's been around since the 70's. and she thought it was this whole new thing. told her about my girly squirrels who did the cleanse and how i chickened out last year. but we talked long and hard about it and i wanted to start as soon as possible before i thought too much about it and wussed out again. ya see, i really want to get a kick start on healthy eating. a fresh start and how can i do that if the nutrients i eat can't even be absorbed because of all the years of shit (literally) caked on my organs and intestines and all that fun stuff? i also want to stretch myself mentally and spiritually and test my will power. and of course i'm planning to lose some weight which is a plus. but it's a given because essentially i'm gonna be starving myself for 10 days. i'll still get nutrients from the spicy lemonade but still no solid food. the thought of that isn't too bad. i don't feel like i have this close relationship with food anymore after i lost my first 40 pounds so i don't think it'll be too much of a problem.
anyways, for those of you who are like what the fuck is the master cleanse. here's a little diddy from the book i bought on sunday: "The Master Cleanse is designed to do two things: first to detoxify the body (remove toxins/poisons from the cells and organs that are embedded) - The Agitator - and then to eliminate those toxins from the body before they can be reabsorbed and poison the body once again - The Rinse Cycle. Just as a washing machine must incorporate both of those to be effective, so must any good cleanse."
1:56 pm well to start off, last night alina (she's not starting with me til after her surgery this week) and i grilled bbq pork, asparagus, and red skin potatoes. it was deelish. i had three glasses of red wine. and before i went to bed i drank a mug of the Smooth Move laxative tea. i was up until 5 in the morning because the contractions and the churning were unbearably painful. i woke up at 7 feeling like i had to take a poo but it was just a huge fart. and all i could do was laugh and go back to bed dissatisfied rubbing my achy lower abs. i woke up at 9:30 not really tired and went to do my first salt flush that i'm supposed to do every morning. so i filled my nalgene up with COLD water and two teaspoons of non-iodized sea salt and drank it over the course of 5 minutes. i read on the message boards that people absolutely cannot handle the salt flush. i didn't think it was so bad. now the book says it'll be between a half hour and a hour when you'll have sudden urges to "eliminate". NO LATER than 30 minutes was i scurrying to the bathroom. and i probably went 5 times up until i made my first spicy lemonade.
at about 11am i filled my nalgene up with 24 oz of water, juiced 1 1/2 lemons, 6 tablespoons of organic grade b maple sryup and gave a look at the cayenne pepper. now i LOVE spicy things but the thought of shaking it in lemonade was weird to me. the book say 1/10th teaspoon for an 8 oz glass but i went to town with the cayenne pepper. it's supposed to help your blood flow i guess. so i have a SPICAAAAY lemonade. the taste isn't as bad as i expected. now it's 2:11 and i'm not hungry at all. i'm towards the bottom of my nalgene and there's a ton of pepper at the bottom which when i drink it, i probably make the face like when you take a shot of alcohol or give a baby a pickle for the first time. and i just laugh at the ridiculousness of this concoction. i'm determined to make it the full 10 days. they say the first 3 days are the worst. k gonna have a cigarette. back in awhile.
8:14 pm i finished my second nalgene an hour ago. don't think i can handle any more spicy lemonade for the day. i think i'm just gonna move onto water but i have some growling going on in my stomach. emily's making dinner and i can smell it. i smell bread in the oven or something. god damn it. she feels bad for eating in front of me but really i don't mind. i almost ate a fortune cookie earlier but resisted the temptation. these next 9 days should be interesting..