(no subject)
Why am I the only one I know who can feel so incredibly guilty for calling in to work? AM had a stomach virus thing the other day and this morning I thought I had it too.. so I called in.. my boss gave me a hard time about it and I had to go in for a few hours before Barb got there to replace me. I feel pretty out of it-- dizzy and gurgly but that's it since this morning's rotten series of events in bathroom. I just woke up from a nap and feel so groggy and out of it and my heart is pounding and I feel like I should have just sucked things up and gone to work. My boss made a fuss about me calling in because.. well there's no one to really cover me and I switched days with Barb and am very grateful for her doing that but.. my heart is still beating fast and I still feel like I made a mistake in calling in. I really was worried this morning that I was sick and all day I've felt so out of it. I can't shake that whole not living up to my standards thing. I feel bad for not going in. I don't know where I learned that calling in is a bad thing to do but I just have a hard time living with myself when I do. Also, because I've been working full time and going to school, I have a hard time having a "free day" and when I'm not working I feel guilty for bumming around when there's things I should be doing-- i.e. finding a new job.
I'm really mad at myself for still making 7.50 after a year even though I'm a manager. I'm also mad that I don't have a job lined up yet. And I'm afraid to teach because I don't think I'm good enough. I finally have confidence in my culinary skills but now that I've got an English BA I'm unsure of what to do with it. I'm so angry with myself and feel like I do not have what it takes to be uber successful in the business world. I feel like I'm going to be stuck being a middle man working extremely hard for nothing but peanuts for the rest of my life. Which is fine with me but I feel like I just wasted the past 4 years of my life trying to get a different degree other than Culinary Arts. I'm ready to join the real world completely but I'd like to be paid better.
I feel so unproductive.
I'm really mad at myself for still making 7.50 after a year even though I'm a manager. I'm also mad that I don't have a job lined up yet. And I'm afraid to teach because I don't think I'm good enough. I finally have confidence in my culinary skills but now that I've got an English BA I'm unsure of what to do with it. I'm so angry with myself and feel like I do not have what it takes to be uber successful in the business world. I feel like I'm going to be stuck being a middle man working extremely hard for nothing but peanuts for the rest of my life. Which is fine with me but I feel like I just wasted the past 4 years of my life trying to get a different degree other than Culinary Arts. I'm ready to join the real world completely but I'd like to be paid better.
I feel so unproductive.