i hate myself and want to die
I don't know what's wrong with me. Does everyone feel this way at the end of a relationship, is it just me, or is it the nature of the relationship that makes me feel this way, I wonder? It's the same way I felt after a bad fight with Martin, sortof. I mean, if I'm thinking logically, I can see that this is not going to work. Besides the fact that he's done things that, to me, signify his absolute lack of consideration for me, he has no conception of why I'm upset about it and refuses to try to understand. Added to that is the unfortunate knowledge that we see the world in two completely different ways. But I really think that all the other crap wouldn't matter that much if it hadn't been for this final crushing betrayal.
Perversely, though, when I see him, especially when the sun shines on us in the morning, I just want to roll over and kiss him. I still want to see him smile, and lean my head on his chest. Why is this? Nothing has changed; when we talk it's the same impasse. Maybe our bodies develop memories of the right way to move, and aren't affected by changes in our psyche. I suppose this is why people keep getting together with exes...the only way to stop is to go to battle with the physical urges. Not terribly easy.
Perversely, though, when I see him, especially when the sun shines on us in the morning, I just want to roll over and kiss him. I still want to see him smile, and lean my head on his chest. Why is this? Nothing has changed; when we talk it's the same impasse. Maybe our bodies develop memories of the right way to move, and aren't affected by changes in our psyche. I suppose this is why people keep getting together with exes...the only way to stop is to go to battle with the physical urges. Not terribly easy.