!!
Am I allowed to still be sad? I am. I guess I feel like our frienship is falling apart and it makes my heart ache. How effing sappy. I would never actually say that aloud.
I want to talk to you, but I feel like I shouldn't becuase it violates the giving you space thing. Is that dumb? Maybe...I don't know. This whole thing is dumb. I want things to go back to the way they were when we were in college. The times where we talked about anything and whatever (where I felt like I could tell you anything), and hung out all the time. Unrealistic, I realize this. I also feel like I can't talk to you. If I txt you and you respond I've just felt like your replies are short. Like you're txting back because you feel obligated to, not because you want to. And as this might not be the case, that's just the way I feel about it. I just want to be able to talk to you about all the good or the bad or the funny or the dumb things that happen in my life. I feel that I can't and it adds to my sad mood. I can talk to other people about all that stuff but it's just not the same. For example, I haven't told anyone that my grandfather died on Sunday except you and I had to tell my boss. I just can't talk about it to other people. Well I feel like I can't talk to you about it either right now but I'd prefer to talk to you about it over others. So I talk to no one about it.
If I had told anyone about the way I feel about this whole thing between me and you, no one would understand. I don't even understand it completely myself. Like, why do I care so much? Some of this is probably what happens when people actually grow up. Growing apart is part of growing up? Perhaps? Are our lives so different now that this is what's it's has come down to?
You know what the most frustrating part about this is. I felt like it took us a long time to bounce back from whatever it was that happened a couple of years ago. And here we are again. In the same exact spot, the same situation as a couple years back. Wthell!
I want to talk to you, but I feel like I shouldn't becuase it violates the giving you space thing. Is that dumb? Maybe...I don't know. This whole thing is dumb. I want things to go back to the way they were when we were in college. The times where we talked about anything and whatever (where I felt like I could tell you anything), and hung out all the time. Unrealistic, I realize this. I also feel like I can't talk to you. If I txt you and you respond I've just felt like your replies are short. Like you're txting back because you feel obligated to, not because you want to. And as this might not be the case, that's just the way I feel about it. I just want to be able to talk to you about all the good or the bad or the funny or the dumb things that happen in my life. I feel that I can't and it adds to my sad mood. I can talk to other people about all that stuff but it's just not the same. For example, I haven't told anyone that my grandfather died on Sunday except you and I had to tell my boss. I just can't talk about it to other people. Well I feel like I can't talk to you about it either right now but I'd prefer to talk to you about it over others. So I talk to no one about it.
If I had told anyone about the way I feel about this whole thing between me and you, no one would understand. I don't even understand it completely myself. Like, why do I care so much? Some of this is probably what happens when people actually grow up. Growing apart is part of growing up? Perhaps? Are our lives so different now that this is what's it's has come down to?
You know what the most frustrating part about this is. I felt like it took us a long time to bounce back from whatever it was that happened a couple of years ago. And here we are again. In the same exact spot, the same situation as a couple years back. Wthell!