My life, as it seems, was not meant for good things...
... but I'll do my best to make of it what I can.
I watched Rent today... it's a musical, and I would daresay it's better than Cats (I know, shame on me... but if you saw it you'd understand why). One of my favorite quotes from that movie is:
"There's only us/There's only this/Forget regret/Or life is yours to miss/No other road/No other way/No day but today."
That describes my life. I live it one day at a time... and the days of living like that are slowly coming to an end. I guess I just need to learn a few things first.
One is how to earn someone's trust. I definately need to learn that one. Especially after having lost said trust. "Impossible." some would say, "It just can't be done."
Nothing. Is. Impossible.
The impossible stuff is just really hard. I plan to leave after high school. I was originally planning on staying around here, helping with the DeMolay chapter, going to Ivy Tech, being happy. It's a bullshit plan for me to stay here and not have to do any actual work.
After high school I'm going to Vermont. Yeah, I know, sounds really interesting right? Or at least I hope I am. There's this college up there called Norwich University and I'm hoping to get in. It's a military academy where both normal students and Corps of Cadets students school together. It'd be great for me just because of the things they can offer.
My broken heart is still in pieces on the floor. I know I'll never find all the pieces, for some of them have been kicked out of my sight. But those last few pieces, the ones I can still find, I just want to give to the one person who can do no wrong in my sight. All I can do is wait for her to want them again.
Somedays I wish I could cry, but I've gotten so used to this "Being the strong leader for everyone else" bullshit that I've basically forgotten how. Yeah, I can get a tear or two to roll... but to actually cry, to feel that pure emotion... It's something that is lost to me, something that I'll probably never gain back.
I really hate myself. I've heard you can only love someone or something truly, when you love he, she, or it more than you love yourself. I'd found that person... and in doing so all I managed to do was bring pain... on both parts.
I've been sick lately... I didn't go to school today... might not go tomorrow... depends on how I'm feeling... well... right now I'm feeling as if life doesn't matter... but I won't do anything about it... not because I actually care about myself, but because I know that there's too many that would try to follow a similar path.
"Beaten paths are for beaten men."
What I would give just to feel her touch...
It's as if nothing in my life matters anymore...
And for me... maybe I don't either.
I watched Rent today... it's a musical, and I would daresay it's better than Cats (I know, shame on me... but if you saw it you'd understand why). One of my favorite quotes from that movie is:
"There's only us/There's only this/Forget regret/Or life is yours to miss/No other road/No other way/No day but today."
That describes my life. I live it one day at a time... and the days of living like that are slowly coming to an end. I guess I just need to learn a few things first.
One is how to earn someone's trust. I definately need to learn that one. Especially after having lost said trust. "Impossible." some would say, "It just can't be done."
Nothing. Is. Impossible.
The impossible stuff is just really hard. I plan to leave after high school. I was originally planning on staying around here, helping with the DeMolay chapter, going to Ivy Tech, being happy. It's a bullshit plan for me to stay here and not have to do any actual work.
After high school I'm going to Vermont. Yeah, I know, sounds really interesting right? Or at least I hope I am. There's this college up there called Norwich University and I'm hoping to get in. It's a military academy where both normal students and Corps of Cadets students school together. It'd be great for me just because of the things they can offer.
My broken heart is still in pieces on the floor. I know I'll never find all the pieces, for some of them have been kicked out of my sight. But those last few pieces, the ones I can still find, I just want to give to the one person who can do no wrong in my sight. All I can do is wait for her to want them again.
Somedays I wish I could cry, but I've gotten so used to this "Being the strong leader for everyone else" bullshit that I've basically forgotten how. Yeah, I can get a tear or two to roll... but to actually cry, to feel that pure emotion... It's something that is lost to me, something that I'll probably never gain back.
I really hate myself. I've heard you can only love someone or something truly, when you love he, she, or it more than you love yourself. I'd found that person... and in doing so all I managed to do was bring pain... on both parts.
I've been sick lately... I didn't go to school today... might not go tomorrow... depends on how I'm feeling... well... right now I'm feeling as if life doesn't matter... but I won't do anything about it... not because I actually care about myself, but because I know that there's too many that would try to follow a similar path.
"Beaten paths are for beaten men."
What I would give just to feel her touch...
It's as if nothing in my life matters anymore...
And for me... maybe I don't either.