(no subject)
How do you rate a movie? There has to be a smart, or semi-conclusive way of doing it. Something that encompasses basic movie elements. Something slightly better than, say, giving it stars like a kindergartner. Just being a movie gets you 20% approval.
And its so vague. No one gets 1 star. The movie would have to be upside down to get a 1. 2 stars means don't bother. 4 means might as well go. 5 means you're already late. But ya know what? No one gets 2, or 4, or 5. They get 3. What the fuk is 3? 3 is ehhhhh. 3 is: You'll find out when you see it.
What was I saying....ahh!
Cloverfield was a lot of fun, and a lot of scary, but it was far from perfect. If the words "Giant Monster" don't give you pause, then this the movie for you. Run screaming, don't walk. If good acting is kinda important, .
Spoiler free review:
Scariness: 4 *
Inventiveness: 5 *
Envelopment: 5 *
Fun: 4.5 * (there are no rules!)
Acting: 2 *
Dialog: 1 * with occasional 5's
No one is safe: 4 *
Story: Hmmmm...3.5 *
Monster stomping stuff in "Gozilla-should-be-like-this..." fashion: 900,000,000,000 *
The 5 secrets to making a scary giant monster movie:
1) Don't make the monster smart. Its a M-O-N-S-T-E-R. Its out of control! It doesn't even know that its a monster. Its thoughts include: food, stomp, run, bite, ow, smash
2) The monster has never, and never will help your city for any reason.
3) Monsters don't have relationships. There is no child, attractive woman, authoritative man, opposite gendered monster, monster egg, or baby monster(s) that will make the monster question its decision to crush your city.
4) Monsters occasionally eat people for absolutely no reason. Sometimes monsters eat people just because they're running.
5) The monster should be totally pist by something we did, or totally scared because it doesn't know what the fuk is going on. Whichever you start with, the monster should probably feel both when the military arrives.
(:() to >:()
or
>:() to (:()
And its so vague. No one gets 1 star. The movie would have to be upside down to get a 1. 2 stars means don't bother. 4 means might as well go. 5 means you're already late. But ya know what? No one gets 2, or 4, or 5. They get 3. What the fuk is 3? 3 is ehhhhh. 3 is: You'll find out when you see it.
What was I saying....ahh!
Cloverfield was a lot of fun, and a lot of scary, but it was far from perfect. If the words "Giant Monster" don't give you pause, then this the movie for you. Run screaming, don't walk. If good acting is kinda important, .
Spoiler free review:
Scariness: 4 *
Inventiveness: 5 *
Envelopment: 5 *
Fun: 4.5 * (there are no rules!)
Acting: 2 *
Dialog: 1 * with occasional 5's
No one is safe: 4 *
Story: Hmmmm...3.5 *
Monster stomping stuff in "Gozilla-should-be-like-this..." fashion: 900,000,000,000 *
The 5 secrets to making a scary giant monster movie:
1) Don't make the monster smart. Its a M-O-N-S-T-E-R. Its out of control! It doesn't even know that its a monster. Its thoughts include: food, stomp, run, bite, ow, smash
2) The monster has never, and never will help your city for any reason.
3) Monsters don't have relationships. There is no child, attractive woman, authoritative man, opposite gendered monster, monster egg, or baby monster(s) that will make the monster question its decision to crush your city.
4) Monsters occasionally eat people for absolutely no reason. Sometimes monsters eat people just because they're running.
5) The monster should be totally pist by something we did, or totally scared because it doesn't know what the fuk is going on. Whichever you start with, the monster should probably feel both when the military arrives.
(:() to >:()
or
>:() to (:()