(no subject)
[sigh]]]
My mom.
Did you know that the only reason that I was dissappointed at State that I didn't get a one...
...was for my parents.
The only reason I was worried about getting a one to the point that I was crying...
was for my mom.
She likes to rub it in my face.
She loves watching people who own at the piano.
She loves telling me, 'You'd be like that, Liz.'
She loves telling me that I'm going to regret the life I've chosen for myself.
The life I chose for myself over hers. The one she chose for me.
Because she's always kicking herself for not carrying on the piano; the only thing she was good at, or had a chance with.
She wants me to become a famouse singer.
Or a singer.
Out of the danger of being homeless or poor. Or struggling for money.
Or for her own sake. Maybe she wants a child to be proud of. Someone to brag about.
Her concern both touches and annoys me.
It's wrong of me to choose the life I want just because I'm too lazy to carry on one thing.
I don't know what I really want. But I know I don't want a full proffession in music.
She thinks I'm stupid for worrying about fame.
I figure; Fame will destroy me.
I'd rather carry my music in my pocket. Hide it. So it's only for me, or a small group of people. Then nothing will be ruined. I can love music with all my heart.
Fame will ruin all that.
Surrounded by everything.
"You're going to regret it" she says, "You're going to regret it."
"I am not you, mom."
"...Oh really?"
How dare she pull that crap on me.
Benny made me feel better the other day about that whole situation.
He says that as parents progress... they will get better and better, because the kids know what they hated about their parents, so they're going to strive to fix it.
I hate it when people tell me how I'm going to turn out. Especially when I believe it's wrong.
"You're going to regret it! You're going to be miserable... blah blah blah"
She actually told me that.
"Go ahead and do whatever you want. Your father's not going to be miserable, I am not going to be miserable... YOU are."
Why can't she just... want what I want for me?
I have to keep telling myself that she doesn't want me to go through what she has. She's so damn terrible, though.
What's the point in going through a life full of music when I'm forced through it by my mother?
I'll shoot myself in the foot for doing that.
She doesn't seem to understand that, though.
I don't know what I'm going to do in my life.
But I know it's not what my mother wants.
Stop me.
My mom.
Did you know that the only reason that I was dissappointed at State that I didn't get a one...
...was for my parents.
The only reason I was worried about getting a one to the point that I was crying...
was for my mom.
She likes to rub it in my face.
She loves watching people who own at the piano.
She loves telling me, 'You'd be like that, Liz.'
She loves telling me that I'm going to regret the life I've chosen for myself.
The life I chose for myself over hers. The one she chose for me.
Because she's always kicking herself for not carrying on the piano; the only thing she was good at, or had a chance with.
She wants me to become a famouse singer.
Or a singer.
Out of the danger of being homeless or poor. Or struggling for money.
Or for her own sake. Maybe she wants a child to be proud of. Someone to brag about.
Her concern both touches and annoys me.
It's wrong of me to choose the life I want just because I'm too lazy to carry on one thing.
I don't know what I really want. But I know I don't want a full proffession in music.
She thinks I'm stupid for worrying about fame.
I figure; Fame will destroy me.
I'd rather carry my music in my pocket. Hide it. So it's only for me, or a small group of people. Then nothing will be ruined. I can love music with all my heart.
Fame will ruin all that.
Surrounded by everything.
"You're going to regret it" she says, "You're going to regret it."
"I am not you, mom."
"...Oh really?"
How dare she pull that crap on me.
Benny made me feel better the other day about that whole situation.
He says that as parents progress... they will get better and better, because the kids know what they hated about their parents, so they're going to strive to fix it.
I hate it when people tell me how I'm going to turn out. Especially when I believe it's wrong.
"You're going to regret it! You're going to be miserable... blah blah blah"
She actually told me that.
"Go ahead and do whatever you want. Your father's not going to be miserable, I am not going to be miserable... YOU are."
Why can't she just... want what I want for me?
I have to keep telling myself that she doesn't want me to go through what she has. She's so damn terrible, though.
What's the point in going through a life full of music when I'm forced through it by my mother?
I'll shoot myself in the foot for doing that.
She doesn't seem to understand that, though.
I don't know what I'm going to do in my life.
But I know it's not what my mother wants.
Stop me.