Rediscovering my youth???
Well, as some folks in the ATL may know, there was a Backstreet Reunion night at Jungle this past Saturday night. I had been looking forward to this as I have been a fat, lazy,. Jabba-the-Hut, lazy bitch and sitting at home eating myself into stupidity, sitting on the couch in front of the TV. I wanted to go out and have fun like I used to do in the ATL before good ol Shirley Franklin, etc. fucked up the entire nightlife scene here. I got there semi-early cause I wanted a decent parking space and the cover was cheaper before 11 and I also wanted to see Charlie Brown's Cabaret again.
It was a mixed bag for me. It was great to see all of the pictures and stuff that they had of the dance floor filled with bodies and all of the lighting on it. I don't think I have been in another place whose lighting was as extensive. They also had sadder pics. Pics of them taking out all of the lighting and DJ equipment and finally a pic of a backhoe just tearing into the place. My heart sank a little when I saw that one.
I recalled so many great weekends on the dance floor, shaking what little ass I do have and enjoying myself. Once I crossed the threshold of that building and entered inside, the rest of the world disappeared for several hours (sometimes up to 12.) I felt like there was nothing bad in my life and I had no problems. I went at least once every two weeks and generally Geisha was there too when her heart hadn't been so messed up that she would still be able to climb the stairs. I believe that she is the one that took me there first and showed me what it was all about. It was an emotional experience in so many ways. Seeing those pics and some familiar faces. Seeing the "girls" in the cabaret show and how much they really hadn't changed (well, Charlie Brown got smaller and Lauren LaMasters got bigger.)
First was the drag show and it was shorter than it had been but it was decent. Raven even showed up even though she was not supposed to. She graced us with her fire act one more time. It was pretty good to see the girls even if the stage was a little smaller and not as glamorous. I got to see my favs: Charlie Brown, Raven, Shawnna Brooks and Lena Lust. They did some of the same stuff that they did way back when and it felt all warm and fuzzy.
The real emotions hit when they announced that Raven was there. I was excited but that gave way to sadness. It hit me that my best friend, who adored Raven so much, was not there to share it with me. I started crying. Tears pouring out my eyes as I stood there and watched Raven do her thing and think about how much I have missed Geisha so. I remember that all of the queens loved to see "Momma" as they called her. I didn't have the heart to o up to any of them to tell them that she was gone. Life has been very lonely without her. I have found myself even now sometimes starting to call her to tell her something. I stop and I search for her number in my phone and then I realize that it is not there anymore as she is not here anymore. I felt so sad at that moment. Geisha would never join me on the dance floor but she would stay upstairs and watch the girls long after I had tired of it and wanted to shake my booty. I miss that woman more than I think anyone, including myself could ever realize.
After the show ended, they moved the chairs off of the dance floor and DJ Rob Reum took over. he was playing all the old stuff from back in the day. It was like I was transported back in time. Back to a time when my life was simple and I was very happy with the way things were going. Back to a time when emotions didn't rule like they do now. Back to a time when I had friends that were actually around. Back to a time when I really did take my problems to the dance floor.
As for dancing, well, I am a shy guy to start with so the reason why I loved Backstreet's dance floor was that it was usually pretty crowded and I don't think I can dance all that well (Though I have been told otherwise but you know my on and off self-esteem issues,) so it feels great to be able to be free in a crowd of people that are not really paying attention to me. I was standing off to the sidelines enjoying the groove and ran into Kevin and Tony from the Pride committee and we each chatted. I was surprised that when Kevin saw me on two other occasions, he actually stopped and chatted with me. Maybe I have him pegged incorrectly? We shall see. Anyway, as she used to do at Backstreet, Shawnna Brooks came out and danced and I really didn't get to see her too well at the first chance so I ran through the crowd to the front of the stage and was standing there watching and cheering, etc. Well, once Shawnna was gone there was a slight problem. I was boxed in with the dancing queens. I decided the hell with it and started to join in. I had a group of guys that were all 3 hot as hell (out of my league of course but a girl can look,) and they were dancing with me. After a while they were letting people dance on the stage and they wanted me to help them up on the stage so I got to hold their asses while boosting them up on the stage. It was funny to me and I was actually laughing. They were really sweet too as they kept staying close to where I was until they actually left. After a while I was not really dancing with anyone but within the crowd and I was glad for it. I was having a blast. I had achieved the goal of making it just like it was when Backstreet was open. I was dancing for a long while and I thought that they were closing at 3. Well, they stayed open until just after 4 so I had been dancing pretty much for like 4 hours! I was thinking, "Damn, I haven't danced like this in years. I had a shitload of fun and I was alone while I was doing it but not really."
It's funny how things change on a dance floor. The usual homo cliques all start dancing around and with each other and everyone seems to have a good time. What makes it better for me (and makes me look like a dork to most,) is that I was not drunk, high, etc. I was just charged from the music and the energy just like it used to be. All of those people were in there having a great time and I was having one because I had no choice. Their energy was becoming my energy and I haven't felt so good in such a long time. Even when I left the club, I had to stay up a while because I was just that worked up. I didn't go home with anyone because now, like then, it never was about hooking up. It was about being in that crowd with that music, on that dance floor and making the best of it all.
And with those events, I wrapped up my Backstreet Reunion at Jungle. It was fun. It was sad. It was laughable. It was a blast from the past. It was a good time that I have needed for such a long time. Of course, these events that occured in the past were about 7 or so years ago and I can assure of several things. One, I am out of shape. Two, I am not as young as I used to be. Three, I reconnected with myself. My true self. The self that has ALWAYS gotten me through the worst of times with a smile on my face and no tears in my eyes. I found the person that I lost what seems so long ago. From that night on, I decided that no matter what I am facing. No matter what stupid people I have to deal with at work. No matter what "friends" are really there for me or not. Above all else, I MUST stay happy for me. My happiness is something that I have control over. I used to do it. I would have a shitty week, I would go to the club. I would take my problems to the dance floor and realize that in the end, it means nothing if it's not making me happy.
It was a mixed bag for me. It was great to see all of the pictures and stuff that they had of the dance floor filled with bodies and all of the lighting on it. I don't think I have been in another place whose lighting was as extensive. They also had sadder pics. Pics of them taking out all of the lighting and DJ equipment and finally a pic of a backhoe just tearing into the place. My heart sank a little when I saw that one.
I recalled so many great weekends on the dance floor, shaking what little ass I do have and enjoying myself. Once I crossed the threshold of that building and entered inside, the rest of the world disappeared for several hours (sometimes up to 12.) I felt like there was nothing bad in my life and I had no problems. I went at least once every two weeks and generally Geisha was there too when her heart hadn't been so messed up that she would still be able to climb the stairs. I believe that she is the one that took me there first and showed me what it was all about. It was an emotional experience in so many ways. Seeing those pics and some familiar faces. Seeing the "girls" in the cabaret show and how much they really hadn't changed (well, Charlie Brown got smaller and Lauren LaMasters got bigger.)
First was the drag show and it was shorter than it had been but it was decent. Raven even showed up even though she was not supposed to. She graced us with her fire act one more time. It was pretty good to see the girls even if the stage was a little smaller and not as glamorous. I got to see my favs: Charlie Brown, Raven, Shawnna Brooks and Lena Lust. They did some of the same stuff that they did way back when and it felt all warm and fuzzy.
The real emotions hit when they announced that Raven was there. I was excited but that gave way to sadness. It hit me that my best friend, who adored Raven so much, was not there to share it with me. I started crying. Tears pouring out my eyes as I stood there and watched Raven do her thing and think about how much I have missed Geisha so. I remember that all of the queens loved to see "Momma" as they called her. I didn't have the heart to o up to any of them to tell them that she was gone. Life has been very lonely without her. I have found myself even now sometimes starting to call her to tell her something. I stop and I search for her number in my phone and then I realize that it is not there anymore as she is not here anymore. I felt so sad at that moment. Geisha would never join me on the dance floor but she would stay upstairs and watch the girls long after I had tired of it and wanted to shake my booty. I miss that woman more than I think anyone, including myself could ever realize.
After the show ended, they moved the chairs off of the dance floor and DJ Rob Reum took over. he was playing all the old stuff from back in the day. It was like I was transported back in time. Back to a time when my life was simple and I was very happy with the way things were going. Back to a time when emotions didn't rule like they do now. Back to a time when I had friends that were actually around. Back to a time when I really did take my problems to the dance floor.
As for dancing, well, I am a shy guy to start with so the reason why I loved Backstreet's dance floor was that it was usually pretty crowded and I don't think I can dance all that well (Though I have been told otherwise but you know my on and off self-esteem issues,) so it feels great to be able to be free in a crowd of people that are not really paying attention to me. I was standing off to the sidelines enjoying the groove and ran into Kevin and Tony from the Pride committee and we each chatted. I was surprised that when Kevin saw me on two other occasions, he actually stopped and chatted with me. Maybe I have him pegged incorrectly? We shall see. Anyway, as she used to do at Backstreet, Shawnna Brooks came out and danced and I really didn't get to see her too well at the first chance so I ran through the crowd to the front of the stage and was standing there watching and cheering, etc. Well, once Shawnna was gone there was a slight problem. I was boxed in with the dancing queens. I decided the hell with it and started to join in. I had a group of guys that were all 3 hot as hell (out of my league of course but a girl can look,) and they were dancing with me. After a while they were letting people dance on the stage and they wanted me to help them up on the stage so I got to hold their asses while boosting them up on the stage. It was funny to me and I was actually laughing. They were really sweet too as they kept staying close to where I was until they actually left. After a while I was not really dancing with anyone but within the crowd and I was glad for it. I was having a blast. I had achieved the goal of making it just like it was when Backstreet was open. I was dancing for a long while and I thought that they were closing at 3. Well, they stayed open until just after 4 so I had been dancing pretty much for like 4 hours! I was thinking, "Damn, I haven't danced like this in years. I had a shitload of fun and I was alone while I was doing it but not really."
It's funny how things change on a dance floor. The usual homo cliques all start dancing around and with each other and everyone seems to have a good time. What makes it better for me (and makes me look like a dork to most,) is that I was not drunk, high, etc. I was just charged from the music and the energy just like it used to be. All of those people were in there having a great time and I was having one because I had no choice. Their energy was becoming my energy and I haven't felt so good in such a long time. Even when I left the club, I had to stay up a while because I was just that worked up. I didn't go home with anyone because now, like then, it never was about hooking up. It was about being in that crowd with that music, on that dance floor and making the best of it all.
And with those events, I wrapped up my Backstreet Reunion at Jungle. It was fun. It was sad. It was laughable. It was a blast from the past. It was a good time that I have needed for such a long time. Of course, these events that occured in the past were about 7 or so years ago and I can assure of several things. One, I am out of shape. Two, I am not as young as I used to be. Three, I reconnected with myself. My true self. The self that has ALWAYS gotten me through the worst of times with a smile on my face and no tears in my eyes. I found the person that I lost what seems so long ago. From that night on, I decided that no matter what I am facing. No matter what stupid people I have to deal with at work. No matter what "friends" are really there for me or not. Above all else, I MUST stay happy for me. My happiness is something that I have control over. I used to do it. I would have a shitty week, I would go to the club. I would take my problems to the dance floor and realize that in the end, it means nothing if it's not making me happy.