Drinking in the Calm
Today was weird, but it ended nicely.
I was in a funk about doing a web project at work. I'm not very web-centric (is that an effing word?) so it was a struggle of where to begin. I was feeling down.
Some positive things occurred.
Follow-up interview with the job prospect called and I have a phone i/v soon.
Prior to lunch I some co-workers are making a United Way basket of dog goodies for a silent auction, and it was my turn to buy a dog dish to help. I was riffing with the humor and it all felt good. It kind of punctured me out of the thick plastic wrap I had encased myself in for the last day, and I felt like I was breathing air again.
I went to lunch with Heidi and it was enjoyable to get out of the rut of staring at a computer screen for an hour.
At work I started to play with this web content stuff, and it was actually making sense to me. I started from three different directions, and within a few hours it was coherent.
I listened to Radiohead - OK Computer. Last night I dreamed of the music Subterranean Homesick Alien. Some of my most vivid dreams are musical, although I would say these are one in a thousand. I interpret this as my greater self knowing that this trance-like music would trigger something in me to finish this stuff. If I get stuck on something, it blocks up like a dam, and suddenly, like the dam flowing gets solved quickly and painlessly.
Picked up Sean, who had a good day. He decided to eat ramen noodles for dinner, I let him eat them at the coffee table while watching the tube. He was happy about that.
I called my dad and had a decent conversation with him about his Italy trip. He and his wife are in a church choir, and they sang in nearly every famous church in Italy. He enjoyed his trip, except for the pay toilets and the mostly bad Italian food (his comment).
Funny that dad's singing for others (yikes!) because my dad was embarrassing to stand next to in church as a kid because he was a rare combination of being 1) tone-deaf and 2) the loudest singer in church. His wife is of the warbly old-lady church singer sort. So they are like the Batman and Robin, the Captain and Tennielle of really really bad singers. And to top it off, they sang for Der Popenfuerher!!!! But he was a mile away, wearing white. I joked about his red shoes but dad didn't get it. Still, a nice conversation as he enjoys seeing his grandsons in pics on teh flickr. It's as close to a direct compliment I'll get, so it felt good.
I did the dishes while Sean played with Brandon, and Heidi talked to Sean. (Dish karma - I will spend one of my next lifetimes as a dishwasher while Heidi will spend one of hers as a cleaning lady vacuuming.) One of those domestic moments when everything is well with the world, all are smiling, warm feelings in the belly.
It's all manifestation, isn't it?
When I was young, the magic that I had was that I didn't know otherwise - I didn't worry about the future, I just did. The here and now were all, and because of that I didn't worry about the can'ts or don'ts or the shouldn'ts.
Doubts didn't exist because I already had the magic wand at my hand. I didn't have to force stuff. The odds were actually quite stacked against me then, but I turned out okay. And now? The only hindrance is me, or rather, my own doubts about me?
Why should I doubt?
Aren't I just a glimmer of the universe?
I was in a funk about doing a web project at work. I'm not very web-centric (is that an effing word?) so it was a struggle of where to begin. I was feeling down.
Some positive things occurred.
Follow-up interview with the job prospect called and I have a phone i/v soon.
Prior to lunch I some co-workers are making a United Way basket of dog goodies for a silent auction, and it was my turn to buy a dog dish to help. I was riffing with the humor and it all felt good. It kind of punctured me out of the thick plastic wrap I had encased myself in for the last day, and I felt like I was breathing air again.
I went to lunch with Heidi and it was enjoyable to get out of the rut of staring at a computer screen for an hour.
At work I started to play with this web content stuff, and it was actually making sense to me. I started from three different directions, and within a few hours it was coherent.
I listened to Radiohead - OK Computer. Last night I dreamed of the music Subterranean Homesick Alien. Some of my most vivid dreams are musical, although I would say these are one in a thousand. I interpret this as my greater self knowing that this trance-like music would trigger something in me to finish this stuff. If I get stuck on something, it blocks up like a dam, and suddenly, like the dam flowing gets solved quickly and painlessly.
Picked up Sean, who had a good day. He decided to eat ramen noodles for dinner, I let him eat them at the coffee table while watching the tube. He was happy about that.
I called my dad and had a decent conversation with him about his Italy trip. He and his wife are in a church choir, and they sang in nearly every famous church in Italy. He enjoyed his trip, except for the pay toilets and the mostly bad Italian food (his comment).
Funny that dad's singing for others (yikes!) because my dad was embarrassing to stand next to in church as a kid because he was a rare combination of being 1) tone-deaf and 2) the loudest singer in church. His wife is of the warbly old-lady church singer sort. So they are like the Batman and Robin, the Captain and Tennielle of really really bad singers. And to top it off, they sang for Der Popenfuerher!!!! But he was a mile away, wearing white. I joked about his red shoes but dad didn't get it. Still, a nice conversation as he enjoys seeing his grandsons in pics on teh flickr. It's as close to a direct compliment I'll get, so it felt good.
I did the dishes while Sean played with Brandon, and Heidi talked to Sean. (Dish karma - I will spend one of my next lifetimes as a dishwasher while Heidi will spend one of hers as a cleaning lady vacuuming.) One of those domestic moments when everything is well with the world, all are smiling, warm feelings in the belly.
It's all manifestation, isn't it?
When I was young, the magic that I had was that I didn't know otherwise - I didn't worry about the future, I just did. The here and now were all, and because of that I didn't worry about the can'ts or don'ts or the shouldn'ts.
Doubts didn't exist because I already had the magic wand at my hand. I didn't have to force stuff. The odds were actually quite stacked against me then, but I turned out okay. And now? The only hindrance is me, or rather, my own doubts about me?
Why should I doubt?
Aren't I just a glimmer of the universe?