"Topeka, hello!"
There I am walking down the street today, when who of all people do I see?
That's right, you guessed it........my long time personal pal and colleague....that's right........
Larry King!
Larry and I go waaaay back. It's a long story that I don't really have time to tell right now. (His dad banged my mom.)
So I see Larry and I shout, "Yo Larry!". You see, L Kizzle and I are "tight" like that.
Larry sees me and then responds how he always does when we see each other......
"Who the hell are you?", he says.
Shocked, I of course say, "Larry it's ME!.....John!"
"Oh, that's right!.........", he says, then pauses.
"John, who?" he interjects.
Shocked I respond, "John Cok....tos....ton."
With a still very puzzled look in his eye, I proclaim, "We met at your wedding."
"Which one?" LK asks.
"Just the even numbered ones....", I quickly remind him, "I have a devastating fear of odd numbers. Weird."
L Kizzle and I have a hardy chuckle about the whole thing and begin to talk. He tells me how he's been really busy doing his show on CNN, then tells me he spends most of his free time playing tiddlywinks with Ted Turner. Not by choice, of course.
"That sneaky devil Turner slipped it into my contract without me noticing", he says.
Stunned, I ask him how such a thing could've gotten by his lawyer. L-to-the-K explains to me that one night he had a few too many Zimas at a Hollywood shindig and woke up the next morning only to find out that he had accidentally hired Kato Kaelin as his lawyer.
"That sucks," I tell him.
"Yeah, but what can I do?" he asks, "....it's not like I'm gonna quit drinking Zima!"
Again we laugh like children on a swingset.
After our laughs, (and a few awkward pauses) LK asks me what I've been up to lately. I tell him, "You know, the usual. Dates with Britney, a few rendezvous' with Halle Barry, and of course some trips to Ponderosa with Christina Aguilera. Nothing new."
"And, oh yeah, I have a live journal......", just as I say this I realize I should've kept my mouth shut. The Kingmeister is always looking for a way to get in print, and I know he's going to want some dap in my Live Journal.
"I've got an idea" he says, "Why don't you let me do a guest spot in your Live Journal?"
As much as I hated the entire idea, I just couldn't say no. I mean LK and I go waaaay back. (His dad banged my mom. Remember?)
Grudgingly I tell Larry it's a "great idea" and he says he'll write me up a column ASAP. So here it is. Hot off the presses. Remember, the entire column was written by the Kinginator so I take absolutely no responsibility for anything written from here on.
Enjoy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Without a doubt the greatest speaker of our time is the incomparable Ozzy Osbourne.
From my sources in the "streets" - This whole "rap" music thing is getting pretty popular. Watch out!
Some people just get a bad wrap from the press. As far as I'm concerned the two LEAST insane people I know are definitely Michael Jackson and Mike Tyson. Why the press insists otherwise, I guess we'll never know.
If I were President the first thing I would do is outlaw peanut butter and jelly. It just doesn't get any more un-American than peanut butter and jelly.
You'll never convince me that Professional Wrestling isn't REAL. Sorry, that's one urban myth I'm not falling for.
The inside scoop from Hollywood : Apparently Pauly Shore and Mr. T are set to star in the remake of "Citizen Kane". I smell box office blockbuster!
The funniest TV show on TV - Will and Grace ... The least funny - The Simpsons
As far as I'm concerned, they'll just never be enough Law & Order spinoffs.
Super Bowl, Schmuper Bowl. It just can't match the intensity and excitement of the WNBA.
From my sources in the field of science - Within 10 years we will all be driving cars that run on maple syrup. Write it down! You heard it here first.
My outlook on fashion : Camouflage, camouflage, camouflage. It just never goes out of style.
The office of Vice President peaked with Dan Quayle. It will never reach that level again.
If I ran MTV, I'd bring back Martha Quinn. Today's young people just relate to her. What a talent.
The funniest SNL cast member ever - Colin Quinn ... Least funny SNL cast member ever - (Tie) Will Ferrell and Chris Farley
Speaking of SNL, the current cast is the most talented I've ever laid eyes on.
The least appreciated artists of our time - ventriloquists. ... Running a close second - mimes.
I love Tom Hanks, but one question.....When is he going to do Bachelor Party 2?
Someone should really use all the knowledge we have about cloning and DNA to give the people what they've always wanted - Unicorns!
That's right, you guessed it........my long time personal pal and colleague....that's right........
Larry King!
Larry and I go waaaay back. It's a long story that I don't really have time to tell right now. (His dad banged my mom.)
So I see Larry and I shout, "Yo Larry!". You see, L Kizzle and I are "tight" like that.
Larry sees me and then responds how he always does when we see each other......
"Who the hell are you?", he says.
Shocked, I of course say, "Larry it's ME!.....John!"
"Oh, that's right!.........", he says, then pauses.
"John, who?" he interjects.
Shocked I respond, "John Cok....tos....ton."
With a still very puzzled look in his eye, I proclaim, "We met at your wedding."
"Which one?" LK asks.
"Just the even numbered ones....", I quickly remind him, "I have a devastating fear of odd numbers. Weird."
L Kizzle and I have a hardy chuckle about the whole thing and begin to talk. He tells me how he's been really busy doing his show on CNN, then tells me he spends most of his free time playing tiddlywinks with Ted Turner. Not by choice, of course.
"That sneaky devil Turner slipped it into my contract without me noticing", he says.
Stunned, I ask him how such a thing could've gotten by his lawyer. L-to-the-K explains to me that one night he had a few too many Zimas at a Hollywood shindig and woke up the next morning only to find out that he had accidentally hired Kato Kaelin as his lawyer.
"That sucks," I tell him.
"Yeah, but what can I do?" he asks, "....it's not like I'm gonna quit drinking Zima!"
Again we laugh like children on a swingset.
After our laughs, (and a few awkward pauses) LK asks me what I've been up to lately. I tell him, "You know, the usual. Dates with Britney, a few rendezvous' with Halle Barry, and of course some trips to Ponderosa with Christina Aguilera. Nothing new."
"And, oh yeah, I have a live journal......", just as I say this I realize I should've kept my mouth shut. The Kingmeister is always looking for a way to get in print, and I know he's going to want some dap in my Live Journal.
"I've got an idea" he says, "Why don't you let me do a guest spot in your Live Journal?"
As much as I hated the entire idea, I just couldn't say no. I mean LK and I go waaaay back. (His dad banged my mom. Remember?)
Grudgingly I tell Larry it's a "great idea" and he says he'll write me up a column ASAP. So here it is. Hot off the presses. Remember, the entire column was written by the Kinginator so I take absolutely no responsibility for anything written from here on.
Enjoy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Without a doubt the greatest speaker of our time is the incomparable Ozzy Osbourne.
From my sources in the "streets" - This whole "rap" music thing is getting pretty popular. Watch out!
Some people just get a bad wrap from the press. As far as I'm concerned the two LEAST insane people I know are definitely Michael Jackson and Mike Tyson. Why the press insists otherwise, I guess we'll never know.
If I were President the first thing I would do is outlaw peanut butter and jelly. It just doesn't get any more un-American than peanut butter and jelly.
You'll never convince me that Professional Wrestling isn't REAL. Sorry, that's one urban myth I'm not falling for.
The inside scoop from Hollywood : Apparently Pauly Shore and Mr. T are set to star in the remake of "Citizen Kane". I smell box office blockbuster!
The funniest TV show on TV - Will and Grace ... The least funny - The Simpsons
As far as I'm concerned, they'll just never be enough Law & Order spinoffs.
Super Bowl, Schmuper Bowl. It just can't match the intensity and excitement of the WNBA.
From my sources in the field of science - Within 10 years we will all be driving cars that run on maple syrup. Write it down! You heard it here first.
My outlook on fashion : Camouflage, camouflage, camouflage. It just never goes out of style.
The office of Vice President peaked with Dan Quayle. It will never reach that level again.
If I ran MTV, I'd bring back Martha Quinn. Today's young people just relate to her. What a talent.
The funniest SNL cast member ever - Colin Quinn ... Least funny SNL cast member ever - (Tie) Will Ferrell and Chris Farley
Speaking of SNL, the current cast is the most talented I've ever laid eyes on.
The least appreciated artists of our time - ventriloquists. ... Running a close second - mimes.
I love Tom Hanks, but one question.....When is he going to do Bachelor Party 2?
Someone should really use all the knowledge we have about cloning and DNA to give the people what they've always wanted - Unicorns!