Fagabeefe. Hey Melio, Fagabeefe!
Why do users lie? Tell me, I know there are users out there. Why do you lie to the I.T. person? You can't lie to us. We Know!
So this cunt in the Vegas office calls me. She is one of the nastier bitches that works here and she's actually from the East Coast. And she is the stereotype, negative as it is, of what people from the East Coast are like. A total fucking sack. Along with the same characteristics as the rest of the rotund cows here; everything is a huge drama, no one works harder than her and "her girls".. etc etc etc...
I knew the call was coming too because I'd looked on the server and seen what she was about to tell me. Jabba's sister, whom I am not sure I ever nicknamed, was attempting to print payroll checks to the Vegas office and they were getting stuck in the queue (pronounced "Kwee-you-e") and not coming out on their end.
Now, Jabba's sister is the one whom I sent a nasty email to months ago about me not sitting here with my thumb up my ass and she subsequently filed a "formal complaint" with the HR department, which went nowhere. And I was also supposed to be talked to be the Mafioso ape, which never happened. Since then she does not speak to me or look at me except with this angry pig-face.
Instead of this cow calling me, she actually has this East Coast Cunt from the Vegas office call me up. So, yes... while the cow is a hundred feet from me, someone a thousand miles away is calling to report the issue.
"Did you reboot the computer yet?"
"well, yes..... three times."
"I am still seeing the system logged onto Citrix from 8:30 this morning."
"What? Well... (talking to someone else in the office) you did reboot right?"
.. this follows some muffled grumbling and then she has this girl reboot her machine. Meanwhile, she keeps me on the line and is taking other calls with me basically sitting here with my thumb up my ass.
"You know what, I need to let you go for a second... do you want to call me back if it's still not printing?"
(with a lot of attitude)"What?? Um...ooooooooooooooooooooook."
"Ok then, bye!"
Of course, they log back on, send another batch through and it prints immediately.
If these people actually had problem solving skills... say to the level of a chimp or maybe a crow, they wouldn't need me at all. Because 85% of the time their issues are due to the fact they never shut their machines down. So once every two weeks depending on the person and task, things get hosed up and a simple reboot fixes everything. Another 10% of the time, restarting a printer or resetting a router fixes the other issues.
But, these people consistently choose *not* to learn to help themselves in any way. They could run into this problem, say on a Friday at 4:30 when I am not here. And they will leave their work undone all weekend and call up complaining and raise hell that I wasn't available, but never once will they think to restart their machine and see if it fixes the issue.
They are Grade A stupid. I really do not know how they survive on a daily basis. I almost want to send them all a link to my blog so they can see how I talk about them and realize how dumb they are... but they won't. Because they are so lacking in the basic cognitive abilities of an intelligent person that they cannot even comprehend the depths of their own stupidity.
If something doesn't work, and a reboot fixes it, then it's either that *I* did something to fuck with them or that *I* am stupid and useless because the problem was fixed so easily, or "computers are stupid" because they've been outwitted by an inanimate object... but they will never take the responsibility upon themselves to admit that they lack any justification to exist because they are just too dumb.
THIS my friends is how I know ancient civilizations were far more advanced than modern man, even with the benefits of science and technology we have. Because there is no way in fuck humanity could have survived if it was as stupid as it is today.
So this cunt in the Vegas office calls me. She is one of the nastier bitches that works here and she's actually from the East Coast. And she is the stereotype, negative as it is, of what people from the East Coast are like. A total fucking sack. Along with the same characteristics as the rest of the rotund cows here; everything is a huge drama, no one works harder than her and "her girls".. etc etc etc...
I knew the call was coming too because I'd looked on the server and seen what she was about to tell me. Jabba's sister, whom I am not sure I ever nicknamed, was attempting to print payroll checks to the Vegas office and they were getting stuck in the queue (pronounced "Kwee-you-e") and not coming out on their end.
Now, Jabba's sister is the one whom I sent a nasty email to months ago about me not sitting here with my thumb up my ass and she subsequently filed a "formal complaint" with the HR department, which went nowhere. And I was also supposed to be talked to be the Mafioso ape, which never happened. Since then she does not speak to me or look at me except with this angry pig-face.
Instead of this cow calling me, she actually has this East Coast Cunt from the Vegas office call me up. So, yes... while the cow is a hundred feet from me, someone a thousand miles away is calling to report the issue.
"Did you reboot the computer yet?"
"well, yes..... three times."
"I am still seeing the system logged onto Citrix from 8:30 this morning."
"What? Well... (talking to someone else in the office) you did reboot right?"
.. this follows some muffled grumbling and then she has this girl reboot her machine. Meanwhile, she keeps me on the line and is taking other calls with me basically sitting here with my thumb up my ass.
"You know what, I need to let you go for a second... do you want to call me back if it's still not printing?"
(with a lot of attitude)"What?? Um...ooooooooooooooooooooook."
"Ok then, bye!"
Of course, they log back on, send another batch through and it prints immediately.
If these people actually had problem solving skills... say to the level of a chimp or maybe a crow, they wouldn't need me at all. Because 85% of the time their issues are due to the fact they never shut their machines down. So once every two weeks depending on the person and task, things get hosed up and a simple reboot fixes everything. Another 10% of the time, restarting a printer or resetting a router fixes the other issues.
But, these people consistently choose *not* to learn to help themselves in any way. They could run into this problem, say on a Friday at 4:30 when I am not here. And they will leave their work undone all weekend and call up complaining and raise hell that I wasn't available, but never once will they think to restart their machine and see if it fixes the issue.
They are Grade A stupid. I really do not know how they survive on a daily basis. I almost want to send them all a link to my blog so they can see how I talk about them and realize how dumb they are... but they won't. Because they are so lacking in the basic cognitive abilities of an intelligent person that they cannot even comprehend the depths of their own stupidity.
If something doesn't work, and a reboot fixes it, then it's either that *I* did something to fuck with them or that *I* am stupid and useless because the problem was fixed so easily, or "computers are stupid" because they've been outwitted by an inanimate object... but they will never take the responsibility upon themselves to admit that they lack any justification to exist because they are just too dumb.
THIS my friends is how I know ancient civilizations were far more advanced than modern man, even with the benefits of science and technology we have. Because there is no way in fuck humanity could have survived if it was as stupid as it is today.