Walk Away
Well, my plan to write more hasn't panned out as usual. I have a legitimate paranoia that whenever I sit down to do so that it will trigger some cataclysm involving work to tear me away from doing so. And work has been anything but busy since August 1st so I am due for a disaster.
A few weeks ago now I deleted my Facebook account officially. Social media for most these days I believe has become something toxic, and certainly for me it did not bring out my best. Not to mention the countless hours wasted on there. I had been going thru and deleting much of my own content beforehand using an app I found and I was flabbergasted with the amount of activity out there. I think in 2015 alone I had something like 20,000 posts, comments and "likes". Just the idea of the amount of time that went into that is staggering.
My reasons for doing so were plenty. First and foremost my feeling that I did not want anyone from my past to be able to look me up and have any idea about my present life. Post-election up until now I have lost all but two of my "friends". Most of them were gone pretty close after November 9th, but some lingered and it became sport for me to push the limit to get them to delete me. Mind you, simply with posts on my own wall, never engaging on theirs.
The final head on the chopping block came at the end of July when someone who I had previously been able to talk to and was quite sane somehow flipped and became as unhinged as the rest. I think I nicknamed him The Italian out here, but I can't remember it's been so long. In the end he was commenting on all my posts with the same comment over and over, which initially I didn't care about because he was making himself look like an ass. But one Saturday I suddenly had about 15 comments within the course of 60 seconds, on political and non-political postings alike.
At that point I'd just had enough. It had been asked before why I didn't just delete him sooner, but my logic was that he would then turn around and accuse me of being a child for not being able to take what would be claimed I was dishing. But, it went beyond sanity when it was clear it was legitimate harassment. As any attempts by me or others to engage with him were met with the same, repeated comment over and over. At that point, truly, what was the point. And if there's anything I do with the same ease as throwing away old socks it's throwing away useless friendships.
And if there was one thing Facebook especially nurtured on unhealthy levels, it was useless friendships. Something I'd become annoyed with years before when I had to turn off people being able to see my birthday otherwise be showered with "Happy Birthday" postings on the day from people who couldn't return an email or a text or couldn't be bothered showing up for a Halloween party or basically give me the time of day. But, Facebook allowed them to feel good about themselves by playing the role of friend on the platform.
Aside from all these, I started to have issues with some of Facebook's policies as well. However, this was a long time coming regardless. A year before I'd already scrubbed my Instagram account and not soon after wiped my Twitter from the face of the Earth as well. The same with this blog, having migrated from another which I hid all the contents of in lieu of complete deletion just as a backup.
There is a great irony here too. I was well known on social media for appearing "miserable" all the time because I posted most voraciously when I was complaining about work or other negative events on whatever day. It seemed more often than not when things were good, I was quiet. Aside from wanting to agitate whoever I could in the last year I really didn't feel much like posting my usual quips about life, work or whatever. As far as my relationship with The Sparrow it was the last thing I was going to broadcast online.
I really must credit him for some influence on this subject. Though he is younger and well within the generation where social media is its strongest, he has little interest in it and rarely if ever posted anything. He seemed to just not need it, and I found that both curious and refreshing. After more than a decade of Facebook, MySpace, Friendster, Livejournal, AOL and a slew of dating sites I had become almost addicted to the feeling I needed to post something every time and any time something happened. Even when nothing was happening. It really was an issue that I started to see fully last October when I took a month off from social media. I really felt this deep compulsion to post. It was a true addiction.
In all things also, the folks who annoyed me the most also were shining examples of why it was time to walk away from Facebook and social media in general. Rockwell being the most shining of beacons in this realm of cringe. Though we were no longer connected on the site or anywhere else, I did on occasion see postings of his because of the Doctor or some other folks. And as I learned when purging my account, he was seemingly unable to do anything without tagging himself and everyone else in it. A habit that seemed to get more insufferable after the friendship ended, which because of my ego, I took to be intent on his part in case I ever looked so I could see all the "fun" I was missing or something.
Of all the cringy parts of it, the most cringe-worthy was the way in which he was constantly talking about his feelings for his new boyfriend. Dropping the "L"-word constantly and posting god awful pictures as if the two of them were still in high school. What was classic to me was that I wasn't even the first person to see this and comment on it. One of the most hilarious was when someone sent me his Instagram profile and asked if I'd seen it, which I had not. It truly read as if an 8th-grade girl had written it. It doesn't take much for my ego to get stroked, but when someone sees their "enemies" making asses out of themselves, it's hard not to feel better in general.
So back to the irony though before I was side tracked. The irony is that life really continues to be good. Aside from work always being stressful and my feline issues at home I've never been this content in my life. Be it age, be it homeownership, be it The Sparrow. Or a combination of everything. I'm doing okay. I don't say "happy" because the concept of being "happy" is utter bullshit. I do kind of hesitate to say content, because I'm constantly feeling like there's more I should be doing as far as personal goals and stuff around the house. But, there are worse problems to have.
Life is a pain in the ass, but it's pretty good.
This past Sunday The Sparrow and I were driving around aimlessly with the top down and ended up going to Ottawa, IL. He and I both have this fascination with small town America. We love the little main streets, the neighborhood bars (of which we've yet to venture in any), the antique shops, the little fairs and farmers markets. It's become a surprising interest that we share and it amuses me.
Long before I moved to the burbs, when I was still in the city, I was always doing everything alone because finding anyone who shared my interests outside of drinking and maybe comic book movies was impossible. You'd think I'd have moved past being annoyed by all this, but baby steps. For all that is good in life I still have a fire in my belly to get pissed off about the past. I don't regret the fun I had getting drunk or hanging out at sidewalk cafes or whatever. But, there were times in between that stuff where I'd wanted more but got to the point where I stopped even trying because it just wasn't happening unless I was doing it alone. And really, it feels okay to share some of these experiences with someone.
Just another random observation on the current state of things. The only downside to this level of enjoyment is that the weekends seem to be gone in the blink of an eye. And the weeks in between them seemed to last for a month.
A few weeks ago now I deleted my Facebook account officially. Social media for most these days I believe has become something toxic, and certainly for me it did not bring out my best. Not to mention the countless hours wasted on there. I had been going thru and deleting much of my own content beforehand using an app I found and I was flabbergasted with the amount of activity out there. I think in 2015 alone I had something like 20,000 posts, comments and "likes". Just the idea of the amount of time that went into that is staggering.
My reasons for doing so were plenty. First and foremost my feeling that I did not want anyone from my past to be able to look me up and have any idea about my present life. Post-election up until now I have lost all but two of my "friends". Most of them were gone pretty close after November 9th, but some lingered and it became sport for me to push the limit to get them to delete me. Mind you, simply with posts on my own wall, never engaging on theirs.
The final head on the chopping block came at the end of July when someone who I had previously been able to talk to and was quite sane somehow flipped and became as unhinged as the rest. I think I nicknamed him The Italian out here, but I can't remember it's been so long. In the end he was commenting on all my posts with the same comment over and over, which initially I didn't care about because he was making himself look like an ass. But one Saturday I suddenly had about 15 comments within the course of 60 seconds, on political and non-political postings alike.
At that point I'd just had enough. It had been asked before why I didn't just delete him sooner, but my logic was that he would then turn around and accuse me of being a child for not being able to take what would be claimed I was dishing. But, it went beyond sanity when it was clear it was legitimate harassment. As any attempts by me or others to engage with him were met with the same, repeated comment over and over. At that point, truly, what was the point. And if there's anything I do with the same ease as throwing away old socks it's throwing away useless friendships.
And if there was one thing Facebook especially nurtured on unhealthy levels, it was useless friendships. Something I'd become annoyed with years before when I had to turn off people being able to see my birthday otherwise be showered with "Happy Birthday" postings on the day from people who couldn't return an email or a text or couldn't be bothered showing up for a Halloween party or basically give me the time of day. But, Facebook allowed them to feel good about themselves by playing the role of friend on the platform.
Aside from all these, I started to have issues with some of Facebook's policies as well. However, this was a long time coming regardless. A year before I'd already scrubbed my Instagram account and not soon after wiped my Twitter from the face of the Earth as well. The same with this blog, having migrated from another which I hid all the contents of in lieu of complete deletion just as a backup.
There is a great irony here too. I was well known on social media for appearing "miserable" all the time because I posted most voraciously when I was complaining about work or other negative events on whatever day. It seemed more often than not when things were good, I was quiet. Aside from wanting to agitate whoever I could in the last year I really didn't feel much like posting my usual quips about life, work or whatever. As far as my relationship with The Sparrow it was the last thing I was going to broadcast online.
I really must credit him for some influence on this subject. Though he is younger and well within the generation where social media is its strongest, he has little interest in it and rarely if ever posted anything. He seemed to just not need it, and I found that both curious and refreshing. After more than a decade of Facebook, MySpace, Friendster, Livejournal, AOL and a slew of dating sites I had become almost addicted to the feeling I needed to post something every time and any time something happened. Even when nothing was happening. It really was an issue that I started to see fully last October when I took a month off from social media. I really felt this deep compulsion to post. It was a true addiction.
In all things also, the folks who annoyed me the most also were shining examples of why it was time to walk away from Facebook and social media in general. Rockwell being the most shining of beacons in this realm of cringe. Though we were no longer connected on the site or anywhere else, I did on occasion see postings of his because of the Doctor or some other folks. And as I learned when purging my account, he was seemingly unable to do anything without tagging himself and everyone else in it. A habit that seemed to get more insufferable after the friendship ended, which because of my ego, I took to be intent on his part in case I ever looked so I could see all the "fun" I was missing or something.
Of all the cringy parts of it, the most cringe-worthy was the way in which he was constantly talking about his feelings for his new boyfriend. Dropping the "L"-word constantly and posting god awful pictures as if the two of them were still in high school. What was classic to me was that I wasn't even the first person to see this and comment on it. One of the most hilarious was when someone sent me his Instagram profile and asked if I'd seen it, which I had not. It truly read as if an 8th-grade girl had written it. It doesn't take much for my ego to get stroked, but when someone sees their "enemies" making asses out of themselves, it's hard not to feel better in general.
So back to the irony though before I was side tracked. The irony is that life really continues to be good. Aside from work always being stressful and my feline issues at home I've never been this content in my life. Be it age, be it homeownership, be it The Sparrow. Or a combination of everything. I'm doing okay. I don't say "happy" because the concept of being "happy" is utter bullshit. I do kind of hesitate to say content, because I'm constantly feeling like there's more I should be doing as far as personal goals and stuff around the house. But, there are worse problems to have.
Life is a pain in the ass, but it's pretty good.
This past Sunday The Sparrow and I were driving around aimlessly with the top down and ended up going to Ottawa, IL. He and I both have this fascination with small town America. We love the little main streets, the neighborhood bars (of which we've yet to venture in any), the antique shops, the little fairs and farmers markets. It's become a surprising interest that we share and it amuses me.
Long before I moved to the burbs, when I was still in the city, I was always doing everything alone because finding anyone who shared my interests outside of drinking and maybe comic book movies was impossible. You'd think I'd have moved past being annoyed by all this, but baby steps. For all that is good in life I still have a fire in my belly to get pissed off about the past. I don't regret the fun I had getting drunk or hanging out at sidewalk cafes or whatever. But, there were times in between that stuff where I'd wanted more but got to the point where I stopped even trying because it just wasn't happening unless I was doing it alone. And really, it feels okay to share some of these experiences with someone.
Just another random observation on the current state of things. The only downside to this level of enjoyment is that the weekends seem to be gone in the blink of an eye. And the weeks in between them seemed to last for a month.