Day 8
I had dreams last night about being back at the lumberyard. Always my 'go-to' dreaming scenario when I am holding in a lot of anxiety about whatever my current job is.
It was funny to think back though at the level of physical exertion I endured back then. As I've been feeling so weak and lazy here I had to sit back in wonder of the the things I used to do physically. And really, since it was part of the job there aren't many memories of any sense I couldn't do whatever it was.
Hauling concrete, carrying plywood and drywall... it was a full workout every day. And I was able to do it then. Why can't I do that now?
It had been quiet for the past week but I had another 7 AM call from the Stinking Meat Packers. It was no major issue, but the annoyance of being contacted by them is enough to sour my mood literally for the entire day.
Not that there needs to be more reason for that to happen. The city is currently enveloped the the bleakest grayness. Fog is creeping in just outside the windows. The temps are holding in the 40's making the entire experience more miserable. I feel like a five year old wanting to lash out at the weather. All I'm asking for is 30 minutes of sunlight just once this week.
In all this depression I do feel the slightest glimmer of motivation buried deep in my guts. That's why I need that push from a little sunlight or actual warm temperatures. I'm so clouded under right now even breathing feels like a labor.
On the plus side, I think my landlords finally left town. I think. If I hear footsteps down there in the next hour my mood will no doubt fall through the floor and end up in their kitchen. But, at least I have that peace for a short while.
It was funny to think back though at the level of physical exertion I endured back then. As I've been feeling so weak and lazy here I had to sit back in wonder of the the things I used to do physically. And really, since it was part of the job there aren't many memories of any sense I couldn't do whatever it was.
Hauling concrete, carrying plywood and drywall... it was a full workout every day. And I was able to do it then. Why can't I do that now?
It had been quiet for the past week but I had another 7 AM call from the Stinking Meat Packers. It was no major issue, but the annoyance of being contacted by them is enough to sour my mood literally for the entire day.
Not that there needs to be more reason for that to happen. The city is currently enveloped the the bleakest grayness. Fog is creeping in just outside the windows. The temps are holding in the 40's making the entire experience more miserable. I feel like a five year old wanting to lash out at the weather. All I'm asking for is 30 minutes of sunlight just once this week.
In all this depression I do feel the slightest glimmer of motivation buried deep in my guts. That's why I need that push from a little sunlight or actual warm temperatures. I'm so clouded under right now even breathing feels like a labor.
On the plus side, I think my landlords finally left town. I think. If I hear footsteps down there in the next hour my mood will no doubt fall through the floor and end up in their kitchen. But, at least I have that peace for a short while.