Haunted
Before the move I had already hotly (internally) debated another Halloween party this year. Last year's party was truly the greatest Halloween endeavor I have ever put together. It took so many intense weeks of planning, designing and creating the small little world that lasted only a few short hours on a Saturday evening.
People wonder why I get so upset about people not coming to my Halloween parties, especially when they insist they are until the day or only a few hours before it begins. They have no understanding of the creative energy that I put into it and their ignorance annoys and offends me. Part of the reason I wasn't going to this year was because of those people.
But, since July I've had people asking me over and over again about having a party. Insisting I would crack and decide to once fall got here. That is only slightly accurate. Because of the new apartment and the state it is in, and the new neighbors I now have to deal with, I feel more dread than anything else at the thought of having a party. No one seems to understand my hesitation. All they want is for me to throw a party that they may or may not show up to (even if they insist they will). How is that worth it for me?
The creativity of course is one of the greatest reasons why for me. To be creative. To make a whole other world. To be active. It all means so much to me, even as it exhausts me to the build up. As a kid we always wanted to have the most epic Halloween parties and as an adult I can say I have given some people the greatest Halloween parties they will ever attend. And I say that with the utmost confidence.
Months later after last year I would get comments and compliments from people. Some of whom I didn't even remember were there. It's hard to remember when people are in costume.
Again, last year was my best endeavor ever. It was truly the most accurate outcome of an idea I'd ever had. An idea I first thought of the day after the previous party in 2010. I looked for inspiration for the entire year and had so many ideas that all slowly came together in the weeks building up.
I said I wanted my back porch wrapped in plastic like some kind of quarantine zone, and I did that. In fact, it turned out better than I could have imagined as I created an entire entry way into the "quarantine" and accentuated the tattered and torn quarantine room with blood splatters.
I wanted to create a haunted forest inside my place. And I did that. It was epic. I was more proud of that I think than anything else. I couldn't even have imagined how well it would work out in the end. And it awed everyone. And it should have since it awed me.
I had ideas. I made those ideas come to life. It's an amazing confidence booster for me to know I still have within me the creativity I once explored freely as a child. And in a way proved to myself the notion that when you put your mind to something you can make it happen.
The creative process is messy. The apartment was a disaster ground for weeks before. And the cleanup, though faster, is not much easier. Almost two dozen crates of Halloween stuff is not easily put away. As it stands now I had so much stuff I had to remove some of it to my parents crawlspace during the move.
The move: I have such anxiety at the thought my TV is too loud at night let alone having a party. My old place was perfect. I was the head rooster of the building. I could pretty much do whatever I wanted. I had the run of the outside property to decorate. It was like having a house really. Here I will be relegated to my inside space and the front porch and the constant fear I'll be pissing off my neighbors if two people are standing on the porch having a conversation.
I don't even have all the furniture I need. I don't have all the boxes unpacked. How can I be expected to have a party when the place is a disaster and barely livable. Am I just looking to not have the party so I can complain how this new apartment has ruined my happy life? Are my anxieties valid?
People say "oh, have a party, it doesn't need to be the big event you usually do, just hang some spiderwebs"... again, I am completely misunderstood.
Last year I had an idea. I would create an Egyptian tomb with walls sprawling with hieroglyphics, massive pillars adorned with Pharaohs and a sarcophagus made from my dining room table. I didn't know how I would do it, but like the ideas I had for 2011 I knew I could do it somehow.
But with all the changes, all the anxiety and fear.... I simply do not know what to do. And it feels like another pointless problem for me to expend far too much energy on. Am I not allowed a year off?
People wonder why I get so upset about people not coming to my Halloween parties, especially when they insist they are until the day or only a few hours before it begins. They have no understanding of the creative energy that I put into it and their ignorance annoys and offends me. Part of the reason I wasn't going to this year was because of those people.
But, since July I've had people asking me over and over again about having a party. Insisting I would crack and decide to once fall got here. That is only slightly accurate. Because of the new apartment and the state it is in, and the new neighbors I now have to deal with, I feel more dread than anything else at the thought of having a party. No one seems to understand my hesitation. All they want is for me to throw a party that they may or may not show up to (even if they insist they will). How is that worth it for me?
The creativity of course is one of the greatest reasons why for me. To be creative. To make a whole other world. To be active. It all means so much to me, even as it exhausts me to the build up. As a kid we always wanted to have the most epic Halloween parties and as an adult I can say I have given some people the greatest Halloween parties they will ever attend. And I say that with the utmost confidence.
Months later after last year I would get comments and compliments from people. Some of whom I didn't even remember were there. It's hard to remember when people are in costume.
Again, last year was my best endeavor ever. It was truly the most accurate outcome of an idea I'd ever had. An idea I first thought of the day after the previous party in 2010. I looked for inspiration for the entire year and had so many ideas that all slowly came together in the weeks building up.
I said I wanted my back porch wrapped in plastic like some kind of quarantine zone, and I did that. In fact, it turned out better than I could have imagined as I created an entire entry way into the "quarantine" and accentuated the tattered and torn quarantine room with blood splatters.
I wanted to create a haunted forest inside my place. And I did that. It was epic. I was more proud of that I think than anything else. I couldn't even have imagined how well it would work out in the end. And it awed everyone. And it should have since it awed me.
I had ideas. I made those ideas come to life. It's an amazing confidence booster for me to know I still have within me the creativity I once explored freely as a child. And in a way proved to myself the notion that when you put your mind to something you can make it happen.
The creative process is messy. The apartment was a disaster ground for weeks before. And the cleanup, though faster, is not much easier. Almost two dozen crates of Halloween stuff is not easily put away. As it stands now I had so much stuff I had to remove some of it to my parents crawlspace during the move.
The move: I have such anxiety at the thought my TV is too loud at night let alone having a party. My old place was perfect. I was the head rooster of the building. I could pretty much do whatever I wanted. I had the run of the outside property to decorate. It was like having a house really. Here I will be relegated to my inside space and the front porch and the constant fear I'll be pissing off my neighbors if two people are standing on the porch having a conversation.
I don't even have all the furniture I need. I don't have all the boxes unpacked. How can I be expected to have a party when the place is a disaster and barely livable. Am I just looking to not have the party so I can complain how this new apartment has ruined my happy life? Are my anxieties valid?
People say "oh, have a party, it doesn't need to be the big event you usually do, just hang some spiderwebs"... again, I am completely misunderstood.
Last year I had an idea. I would create an Egyptian tomb with walls sprawling with hieroglyphics, massive pillars adorned with Pharaohs and a sarcophagus made from my dining room table. I didn't know how I would do it, but like the ideas I had for 2011 I knew I could do it somehow.
But with all the changes, all the anxiety and fear.... I simply do not know what to do. And it feels like another pointless problem for me to expend far too much energy on. Am I not allowed a year off?