Company Man
I've come really far in my work ethic I think. Years ago, even before the Playpen, I was ranting daily about the boredom of a job not done and being under the oppressive fist of that crazy Dearest and his need for all-encompassing control over everything that happened in his department. These days I have the Boss who is the polar opposite, who trusts me to do what I need to do and continually tells me how much he relies on me and is pleased with everything I do.
And it's great don't get me wrong...
"but"
Sometimes it can be a real pain in the ass being the "go to guy". Especially lately. We have taken on a few new clients and are going to probably secure even more in the coming year. Since Miss Managed is generally unreliable and incompetent, guess who it always falls on when something comes up.
Me, that's right.
And it wouldn't be a huge deal if it didn't seem to happen all the time. It's gotten to the point where some days and weeks I am unable to get other work done because I am being sent out to these client sites. It's not what I am used to so I find it a bit uncomfortable. In some instances, like I will be experiencing today, I have never been to the client before. It's nerve-racking.
My mental issues and anxieties are well known and it's really pushing me to the edge of my comfort zone having to go to these clients alone, for the first time, when they've never met me and don't have a clue who I am. Some days I don't exactly clean-up per say before coming to work. I'll wear dirtier gym shoes or a rattier sweatshirt on days when I think I'll be in the office for the whole time. Or like today, I'm sporting this big beard and have a huge zit on my cheek. And here I am now expected to represent the company at this high-end spa client in the Gold Coast. Yes yes, the fault is mine for not being prepared "every day"... blah blah.
I just wouldn't mind a day where I can be calm and not have this impending anxiety. And the Boss has made it clear in the future I will continue to be the go-to person for this stuff because "she" is unreliable and he is embarrassed sometimes to send her out as a representative of the company.
I haven't even yet delved into the anxiety over my abilities. My Boss has come to completely trust me to find him the right answers and solutions on things that go wrong. And honestly I have come up with some pretty amazing results. But, it's often after days of research mixed with screwing off and surfing the net. I don't know how I do it, I always just seem to find the answer. I was like this in school too... I didn't actually have to try in order to pass tests most of the time. I could glance over the material and still get a better grade than someone who studied all night and still barely passed.
But, when I have to go to a client, physically be there and troubleshoot a problem, it just gives me all kinds of panic inside. Dealing with people looking over your shoulder. The possibility of not being able to fix the issue. Having to represent the company. It's all too much. I may have come leaps and bounds but within me is still that person that just wants a job that he can hide in some corner cubicle and be expect to produce nothing but mundane redundancy week after week.
Responsibility is scary. And as we've all learned, the more you do, the more you'll be expected to next time. The higher the bar gets, the higher you have to jump and reach every time.
Vacation is coming in two weeks and I'm not sure I ever deserved one so much before based on the amount of real work I've done building up to it. I've become an adult somewhere along the line. Scary.
And it's great don't get me wrong...
"but"
Sometimes it can be a real pain in the ass being the "go to guy". Especially lately. We have taken on a few new clients and are going to probably secure even more in the coming year. Since Miss Managed is generally unreliable and incompetent, guess who it always falls on when something comes up.
Me, that's right.
And it wouldn't be a huge deal if it didn't seem to happen all the time. It's gotten to the point where some days and weeks I am unable to get other work done because I am being sent out to these client sites. It's not what I am used to so I find it a bit uncomfortable. In some instances, like I will be experiencing today, I have never been to the client before. It's nerve-racking.
My mental issues and anxieties are well known and it's really pushing me to the edge of my comfort zone having to go to these clients alone, for the first time, when they've never met me and don't have a clue who I am. Some days I don't exactly clean-up per say before coming to work. I'll wear dirtier gym shoes or a rattier sweatshirt on days when I think I'll be in the office for the whole time. Or like today, I'm sporting this big beard and have a huge zit on my cheek. And here I am now expected to represent the company at this high-end spa client in the Gold Coast. Yes yes, the fault is mine for not being prepared "every day"... blah blah.
I just wouldn't mind a day where I can be calm and not have this impending anxiety. And the Boss has made it clear in the future I will continue to be the go-to person for this stuff because "she" is unreliable and he is embarrassed sometimes to send her out as a representative of the company.
I haven't even yet delved into the anxiety over my abilities. My Boss has come to completely trust me to find him the right answers and solutions on things that go wrong. And honestly I have come up with some pretty amazing results. But, it's often after days of research mixed with screwing off and surfing the net. I don't know how I do it, I always just seem to find the answer. I was like this in school too... I didn't actually have to try in order to pass tests most of the time. I could glance over the material and still get a better grade than someone who studied all night and still barely passed.
But, when I have to go to a client, physically be there and troubleshoot a problem, it just gives me all kinds of panic inside. Dealing with people looking over your shoulder. The possibility of not being able to fix the issue. Having to represent the company. It's all too much. I may have come leaps and bounds but within me is still that person that just wants a job that he can hide in some corner cubicle and be expect to produce nothing but mundane redundancy week after week.
Responsibility is scary. And as we've all learned, the more you do, the more you'll be expected to next time. The higher the bar gets, the higher you have to jump and reach every time.
Vacation is coming in two weeks and I'm not sure I ever deserved one so much before based on the amount of real work I've done building up to it. I've become an adult somewhere along the line. Scary.