Big Doin's a-Transpirin'
So, I have this friend, Dale. Most of y'all know him already, but for those that don't, Dale is my twin brother, separated at birth. He's from California and I'm from New York, but despite growing up 3000 miles away we're almost identical in our basic ideas about life and way of thinking. We've been friends for about two years, since he joined the Fire Dept. In that time, he's had a few girlfriends and I've had just the one wife (tends to work better that way). But now he has met a girl named Shannon with whom is is nauseatingly infatuated, and as his brother I am happy for him. She's 23, and he's 32, but it seems to work well, whether because of her maturity or his immaturity I don't know, most likely the former. He proposed to her in early October, and she eagerly accepted. About two weeks ago, he came to me saying that she was having second thoughts and wasn't sure if she wanted all this. She is in the Navy and just got selected to become an officer, meaning she has to go away for varying amounts of time, covering the better part of the next six years. As a good and supportive brother, I listened to Dale for about a week as he talked about how she was going to leave him and he really didn't know how to handle it, even though she had only said she wasn't sure. This past weekend, we went to the Fire Academy together and on Saturday night he and I went to Buisch's Bullpen (Formerly the Melting Pot) for a beer. During the course of this beer, I finally had enough of the woe-is-me stuff and yelled at him that she hadn't, in fact, broken up with him yet and that maybe a little optimism was in order. I suggested that he should perhaps talk to her and listen to why she wasn't sure, and then they could work things through if possible. Lo and behold, a few days later he did just that and now things are apparently so good that this evening he called to request that I be his best man at their nuptials to be held at some date next fall. I am, of course, extremely honored and proud to be asked to carry out this most important task, and accepted immediately. Unfortunately, this means I now am saddled with the unenviable task of planning a bachelor party for a 32 year old, half of whose friends I am not acquainted with, and who finds titty bars to be a less than interesting form of entertainment. I would greatly appreciate any comments or ideas as to how I should deal with this, especially from those of you farmiliar with Dale. I really, really don't want to screw this up, as it is my potentially only shot at doing this, unless about half of Butter's friends die or piss him off before he gets married. More importantly, I don't want Dale to look back and remember his bachelor party like I remember mine, which involved partial nudity and much vomiting on the part of persons to remain nameless here (you know who you are). So if you have any ideas, feel free to submit for discussion and/or ridicule. Thanks.