such is taking advice from an advice column
Dear Billy Banned,
I am a gay man, holding political office of considerable import here on the east coast. However, I am also a married man. I have managed to juggle this lifestyle for some time, but I am currently in a relationship with a man and it is only escalating. I fear that either my personal or professional life is doomed and I must make a choice. What can I do to remedy this situation? Is there a third option?
Sincerely,
Swing State
Dear Swing,
Thank you for writing. Your predicament is a unique one. You are right for coming to me. There most certainly is a third option: cover it up! If you really think you are the first politician to have an extra-marital affair, you are just fool-headed, my friend. Your peers have done far worse than mess around outside of marriage. Trust me, no one will find out and hang it over your head as blackmail or anything. That's not how politics works. And I know for sure. It'll all work out fine. Follow your heart, man, that's what it's all about. Besides, do you really think the American public cares about the personal life of someone in a position of power?
Knowingly,
Billy Banned
I am a gay man, holding political office of considerable import here on the east coast. However, I am also a married man. I have managed to juggle this lifestyle for some time, but I am currently in a relationship with a man and it is only escalating. I fear that either my personal or professional life is doomed and I must make a choice. What can I do to remedy this situation? Is there a third option?
Sincerely,
Swing State
Dear Swing,
Thank you for writing. Your predicament is a unique one. You are right for coming to me. There most certainly is a third option: cover it up! If you really think you are the first politician to have an extra-marital affair, you are just fool-headed, my friend. Your peers have done far worse than mess around outside of marriage. Trust me, no one will find out and hang it over your head as blackmail or anything. That's not how politics works. And I know for sure. It'll all work out fine. Follow your heart, man, that's what it's all about. Besides, do you really think the American public cares about the personal life of someone in a position of power?
Knowingly,
Billy Banned