Things are just out of control
Again it has been awhile, about a few weeks since I've updated. Let's start with how life is at the moment. Shitty. Stressful. Tiring. I bet that sums most of it, right? THere's more of course. My dad has been in the hospital for 4 weeks. My relatives came here for a week and a half. Finally last Saturday my dad came home. He was doing good for a week until our relatives left this past Saturday. Come Sunday morning about 3am when I get home, my dad comes to me and says 'let's go'. Basically go to the ER in town and stayed there until they said he had to be transferred to the research center. BIG bummer. Haven't slept since 5pm the previous day. So mom and I drive up to the hospital where my dad was taken to by an ambulance. Yeah... I didn't come home until 5pm Sunday this past weekend. I only had 3 hours of sleep in a 36 hour period. I was physically and mentally ill/stressed. Finally yesterday morning I could sleep and I did up until noon time. It was great of course, though my dad is still in the hospital. Don't know for how long... again.
My mother and I got in a fight because she wanted me to stay with him for 4 days straight in the hospital once she gets home. I can't do it because when I was there Sunday, I became very mood, very snappy, and was completely out of my mind. If I were there for those amount of days, I'd most likely need to go to therapy. Then again I think I need to with all of this happening. I don't feel happy. I am so stressed and sick at this moment. To add that my mother thinks I don't love my father just makes everything more shitty. I've done a lot, truly I have, and I just can only go for so long. I'm weak, both in body and mind. I just don't know. I'm hoping my dad doesn't stay long in the hospital, that they just get things done now instead of putting off time.
Besides that I've been troubled with Trio's lately. Things just seemed to find their way into the forum, like personal problems or even life. I feel that people haven't learned that bringing your life's problems or your friends won't bring anything but bad news to you. We've all learned it. Thing is, I'm staying out of it. Sure I'll state my opinions, but I won't get into it. I've got my own problems to deal with, my own demons to conquer. Seriously, some people just need to grow up and stop giving excuses on how so and so doesn't have a good life or is so depressed because someone passed away and they can't get over it... even when they didn't know them very well. I'm sorry, but you should really start thinking of other things and not base your life around an RPG forum. It's a great place, don't get me wrong, but to steer your life onto it... just don't do it. People will care about you off the forum, but on the forum, it's a personal conflict. Sometimes people just need to chill.
Anyway I just don't care at the moment. There are few things I do when it comes to here, but I have more concerns in my life. Others don't understand of course because they aren't in my shoes. They don't know how each day that passes me by it gets harder and harder to believe there is a good chance of anything getting better. Since my dad being sick, the whole family has changed, everyones attitude. It just seems like my dad's conditions goes from worse to worser. People think I'm a brave person, that I can handle any situation, give it a few tries like this and I'm just actually falling apart inside. What people need to do is just step into my life and see what I go through at this moment, instead of judging me and thinking that just because I have powerful connections, I get everything I want. (That meaning in Trio's) That I have some powerful position on this place. All I can do is sort on the forum and scope out threads that need to be locked or are breaking rules.
Do I do much? Not really, and even when I try, it's still hard to do so. Heck I can't even teach class because no one is being active. They just don't post in it so my lessons are shot down. Makes me wonder if I want to keep my class, or just drop it out and stay as staff.. like some counselor for any student to come to besides their teachers or HoHs. Be one less class anyone would have to worry about. Thing is, I enjoy teaching in there. It used to be one of the most active classes before, people just lost touch, not me. So I'm not sure about anything at this point. I don't bring my stuff to Trio's, I try to keep it on a level where no one can suspect a thing unless I tell them.
I think some things will need to be more enforced now. With it being summer break for most people, attendance will have to be more enforced. If someone doesn't attend more than 3 of the lessons or how every much there is for each subject, including optional if they take any, they should be held back. Just tough, part of being in Hogwarts is classes, not just making a big deal of life and knowing every single spell, history, and plant there is like you're some prodigy child. I know I can't keep as active in class areas, but I do try at least. Anyway, think I've said enough about Trio's.. I'll go nuts if I continue to rant.
Saw The DaVinci Code last Friday with my cousin. Love it of course, though my only distraction is my cousin having to snore during the movie. I was very mad of course. So glad that she and my grandma left. I was very fed up when they were here. I knew that they watched my every movement. Overheard my grandmother calling me lazy because I don't do anything around the house to help. My cousin stays on the computer all the time where I get about an hour or two to get on and when I do, it's around the morning sometimes when my grams wakes up, comes to the kitchen, glares at me and leaves. Yeap, so after that I was through. I should have just went off and stayed over Megan's. But now I'm glad they are gone. My grams wanted me to stay the night at the hospital Sunday night, I said fuck it. I haven't slept since Saturday evening and she wanted me to stay at the hospital. Didn't tell her that Saturday night/Sunday morning while my dad waited for me to come home that I was out with my friends down at the bars partying it up. Just to have a bit of fun. Can't believe he even waited for me to take him when he could have woke my mom up. I'm just so fucked up I guess. Anyway.. my hands hurt, my head hurts, everything hurts. I'm tired, so I'm off. Maybe next time I'll have something better to say instead of rant about everything.
My mother and I got in a fight because she wanted me to stay with him for 4 days straight in the hospital once she gets home. I can't do it because when I was there Sunday, I became very mood, very snappy, and was completely out of my mind. If I were there for those amount of days, I'd most likely need to go to therapy. Then again I think I need to with all of this happening. I don't feel happy. I am so stressed and sick at this moment. To add that my mother thinks I don't love my father just makes everything more shitty. I've done a lot, truly I have, and I just can only go for so long. I'm weak, both in body and mind. I just don't know. I'm hoping my dad doesn't stay long in the hospital, that they just get things done now instead of putting off time.
Besides that I've been troubled with Trio's lately. Things just seemed to find their way into the forum, like personal problems or even life. I feel that people haven't learned that bringing your life's problems or your friends won't bring anything but bad news to you. We've all learned it. Thing is, I'm staying out of it. Sure I'll state my opinions, but I won't get into it. I've got my own problems to deal with, my own demons to conquer. Seriously, some people just need to grow up and stop giving excuses on how so and so doesn't have a good life or is so depressed because someone passed away and they can't get over it... even when they didn't know them very well. I'm sorry, but you should really start thinking of other things and not base your life around an RPG forum. It's a great place, don't get me wrong, but to steer your life onto it... just don't do it. People will care about you off the forum, but on the forum, it's a personal conflict. Sometimes people just need to chill.
Anyway I just don't care at the moment. There are few things I do when it comes to here, but I have more concerns in my life. Others don't understand of course because they aren't in my shoes. They don't know how each day that passes me by it gets harder and harder to believe there is a good chance of anything getting better. Since my dad being sick, the whole family has changed, everyones attitude. It just seems like my dad's conditions goes from worse to worser. People think I'm a brave person, that I can handle any situation, give it a few tries like this and I'm just actually falling apart inside. What people need to do is just step into my life and see what I go through at this moment, instead of judging me and thinking that just because I have powerful connections, I get everything I want. (That meaning in Trio's) That I have some powerful position on this place. All I can do is sort on the forum and scope out threads that need to be locked or are breaking rules.
Do I do much? Not really, and even when I try, it's still hard to do so. Heck I can't even teach class because no one is being active. They just don't post in it so my lessons are shot down. Makes me wonder if I want to keep my class, or just drop it out and stay as staff.. like some counselor for any student to come to besides their teachers or HoHs. Be one less class anyone would have to worry about. Thing is, I enjoy teaching in there. It used to be one of the most active classes before, people just lost touch, not me. So I'm not sure about anything at this point. I don't bring my stuff to Trio's, I try to keep it on a level where no one can suspect a thing unless I tell them.
I think some things will need to be more enforced now. With it being summer break for most people, attendance will have to be more enforced. If someone doesn't attend more than 3 of the lessons or how every much there is for each subject, including optional if they take any, they should be held back. Just tough, part of being in Hogwarts is classes, not just making a big deal of life and knowing every single spell, history, and plant there is like you're some prodigy child. I know I can't keep as active in class areas, but I do try at least. Anyway, think I've said enough about Trio's.. I'll go nuts if I continue to rant.
Saw The DaVinci Code last Friday with my cousin. Love it of course, though my only distraction is my cousin having to snore during the movie. I was very mad of course. So glad that she and my grandma left. I was very fed up when they were here. I knew that they watched my every movement. Overheard my grandmother calling me lazy because I don't do anything around the house to help. My cousin stays on the computer all the time where I get about an hour or two to get on and when I do, it's around the morning sometimes when my grams wakes up, comes to the kitchen, glares at me and leaves. Yeap, so after that I was through. I should have just went off and stayed over Megan's. But now I'm glad they are gone. My grams wanted me to stay the night at the hospital Sunday night, I said fuck it. I haven't slept since Saturday evening and she wanted me to stay at the hospital. Didn't tell her that Saturday night/Sunday morning while my dad waited for me to come home that I was out with my friends down at the bars partying it up. Just to have a bit of fun. Can't believe he even waited for me to take him when he could have woke my mom up. I'm just so fucked up I guess. Anyway.. my hands hurt, my head hurts, everything hurts. I'm tired, so I'm off. Maybe next time I'll have something better to say instead of rant about everything.