I remember

[billy_gerardluv]

I believed it
With my whole heart
I SAW him
I HEARD him
It was so real to me
That I put myself in serious danger sometimes
Because it was really happening to me
I was so frightened
More than I wasn't
So my mind had to do acrobatics
To make sense of it all
To save it from shutting down
Completely
There was a large chunk of my life
Where I didn't know
My mind

Comments

[billy_gerardluv]

my batsu said i was supposed to be all along, even when i was a baby and it's not very fair that i couldn't find you until i was this old. so...i think that he's probably right about that. it's not like it just happened that day. it was supposed to be all along but it was hard to find you and i didn't happen to until i was already grown. so it's really not anyone's fault except for maybe yagi's because i maybe could have found you when i was fuckin fourteen or something but whatever. i guess he just had to be a fucking asshole. i hope so too, papa, because i don't want to feel like this anymore. and i don't want to act like this, either. it feels bratty and i don't want to be a brat. my kaz said he thinks i'm bratty sometimes, but he said he doesn't think this is bratty, but it still feels like it and i hate it. thank you for believing that i can get back to that. i want to. i really do. i want to stop thinking things like this. and also i had an accident today. like...an old time hebi-san accident. i think it's probably just because i was talking about how i don't do that anymore, but it happened today.
well i just worry because i know it's really bothering him and i wish that it wasn't :( i'm really glad that you're leaving at 2:30 again. that makes me happy. i love you so much, papa. i really do. even though i'm being horrible right now. i will try to remember that you love me too. thank you for being such a good papa.