the compass rose
after taste of chicago i have a farmer's tan :( bye bye pale skin. so now i'm going to have to try and figure out some way to even out this weirdness. i also have flip flop tan lines, but that doesn't bother me.
i need to dye my roots to match my natural color, but i'm just too damn lazy. i cut my hair again, sort of. as i think i posted here, a couple of weeks ago i went a little apeshit and hacked off about 6 inches of my hair. not really that big of a deal since my hair was pretty long, now it's just about to my shoulders. anyway, two days ago i decided i wanted to cut my bangs, so i cut them alot shorter than i normally do...i usually keep my bangs just below my eyebrows, this time i cut them to about an inch above my eyebrows...they look good actually. kind of cute and punk rock. i'd take a picture (we all know i'm not above camwhoring) but i seem to have misplaced the charger for the battery for my digicam and so, sorry, no pictures of the new sel for you lot.
in other news, my fat ass finally fits into this pair of khaki capris i haven't worn in about three years. i realize that three years is kind of the magic number for me right now. three years ago i left joe, moved to texas, dyed my hair black, met david, trisha, jer, dan, syl, etc., that's pretty much when my life became what it is now. i don't know how i feel about "how it is now" incidentally, on the one hand i'm happier than i've ever been...i am employed, have a decent apartment in a great city, i have the most wonderful husband anyone could ever ask for (his reputation on the otherkin message boards notwithstanding ^_~*). my health is decent, if not stellar. aside from the fact that i seem to develop random hives for no reason (i'm assuming it's stress-induced though, because i don't get them at home, only at work). so basically i have a really good life. so what's the problem? i have no idea. but i'm very restless, and i know me and i know that when i get restless i either a.) pierce things, or b.) fuck things up somehow. not to mention that of late my writing has totally sucked. it's hard to write songs when you're happy because there's so many other things to do besides sulk. and let's just face it, i wrote my best songs when i was sulky and bipolar. yes, i wrote 'incantatrix' and 'shed my skin' recently, and i think those are both winners, but other than that the last pieces of quality that i turned out were FL songs and some crap that i wrote in college (some really weird "apocolyptic ska" is what i guess i'd call it). so basically, i've been doing alot of utter shit since FL-447. i hate the thought that a high school ska band could me my musical apex, so i'm a little bit freaked out.
for the songs that i want to record and put on my record, for sure, i only have chosen:
1. incantatrix
2. shed my skin (i have two versions of this one, so i'll probably make one into an ep)
3. stapled stomach
4. promised land (which is an FL song, but whatever. i still wrote it, i still own it)
other than that it's all speculation, and which direction do i want to pull things. i don't want to go too dark and moody, i don't want people to hear it and instantly think "tori!" or, god forbid, "ea!" yes, tori is a huge influence, and yes, i suffer from the same victoriana obsession syndrome as emilie autumn (even if as people and musicians we are drastically different), but i still want to walk away with something that is distinctly different. i'm trying to think in more of a punk/indie mindset for this. i think that those four songs kind of represent the cardinal directions i'm trying to pull people. in fact, please bear with me while i have a bit of weirdness here...
1. north - incantatrix - this is probably the darkest piece, at least how i define dark. it moves quickly, but the song itself is kind of slow. glitchy drums and a very sinister piano played mostly in the low end. when i play this my sister says it sounds like a tori song, and i agree. this is kind of the ghostly, haunted song. or at least i like to think so. color associations - black, indigo, gold. other associations - this song makes me think peacock feathers, red wine, deep forest at night. this song feels fae to me and i associate it with the unseelie court, possibly the very borders of the winterlands.
2. south - promised land - this song is less dark, but it's still cynical and sarcastic. it embodies that fiery kind of feeling and as far as these four lynchpins or whatever go, it's pretty much the opposite of everything in incantatrix. my original arrangement of this is very fast with a flamenco-esque guitar intro. i think i want to lose that aspect of it and put some scarey horns into it, a la tom waits's stuff off of 'franks wild years.' but i don't want to move away from the hyper ska beat that makes the song what it is. color associations - something bright. red. other associations - there is a sort of story to this song at its heart, and what it really means to me is people dying for something as foolish as religion. why throw all your family and friends aside, why throw your life away, for a being that is supposed to love you know matter what? above all, this song is meant to make you dance...and in the words of propagandhi, you dance to this--you drink to me.
3. east - stapled stomach - this song pretty much epitomizes the things that i hate about myself, so i guess it is in a way the most personal. it's sort of about hating yourself for hating yourself, and trying to conform to something that doesn't fulfill you. it's stripped down, so that the song itself is almost as hollow as the emotions behind it. just horrible, fuzzy guitars. i wrote this when i was listening to alot of rainer maria, and it shows. color associations - grey, white, rose, and orange, the colors of the dawn. other associations - the dawn in winter. the sun, but not in that 'yay, the sun is shining' kind of way, more in the way that it casts this bleak stark light on everything and makes you see how full of shit you really are. or i am, i guess.
4. west - shed my skin - pretty much the opposite of 'stapled stomach.' it's all the horrible things about me, yes, but it's about how i'm not willing to change them for someone else. i mean, seriously, "are you going to make me shed my skin to shrug off the bonds you've put me in?" yeah, nuff said. this is the quintessential angry song or whatever, and i have two versions of this- the "original" punk version that i sat down and bashed out on my guitar, and this sort of remixed version with strings and glitchy drums and heavy bass. i don't know which i like better so at some point i'll just have to get other people's opinions about which goes on the record. one will probably make it on to an ep or something though. color associations - black...and reptile-colors like green and brown and yellow and red. other associations - this is another deep forest at night kind of song, but in more of a creepy crawly way. ponds and reflecting pools. felled trees. moss and tears.
ok, well now that my brain has puked all over, i think i shall shut up.
i need to dye my roots to match my natural color, but i'm just too damn lazy. i cut my hair again, sort of. as i think i posted here, a couple of weeks ago i went a little apeshit and hacked off about 6 inches of my hair. not really that big of a deal since my hair was pretty long, now it's just about to my shoulders. anyway, two days ago i decided i wanted to cut my bangs, so i cut them alot shorter than i normally do...i usually keep my bangs just below my eyebrows, this time i cut them to about an inch above my eyebrows...they look good actually. kind of cute and punk rock. i'd take a picture (we all know i'm not above camwhoring) but i seem to have misplaced the charger for the battery for my digicam and so, sorry, no pictures of the new sel for you lot.
in other news, my fat ass finally fits into this pair of khaki capris i haven't worn in about three years. i realize that three years is kind of the magic number for me right now. three years ago i left joe, moved to texas, dyed my hair black, met david, trisha, jer, dan, syl, etc., that's pretty much when my life became what it is now. i don't know how i feel about "how it is now" incidentally, on the one hand i'm happier than i've ever been...i am employed, have a decent apartment in a great city, i have the most wonderful husband anyone could ever ask for (his reputation on the otherkin message boards notwithstanding ^_~*). my health is decent, if not stellar. aside from the fact that i seem to develop random hives for no reason (i'm assuming it's stress-induced though, because i don't get them at home, only at work). so basically i have a really good life. so what's the problem? i have no idea. but i'm very restless, and i know me and i know that when i get restless i either a.) pierce things, or b.) fuck things up somehow. not to mention that of late my writing has totally sucked. it's hard to write songs when you're happy because there's so many other things to do besides sulk. and let's just face it, i wrote my best songs when i was sulky and bipolar. yes, i wrote 'incantatrix' and 'shed my skin' recently, and i think those are both winners, but other than that the last pieces of quality that i turned out were FL songs and some crap that i wrote in college (some really weird "apocolyptic ska" is what i guess i'd call it). so basically, i've been doing alot of utter shit since FL-447. i hate the thought that a high school ska band could me my musical apex, so i'm a little bit freaked out.
for the songs that i want to record and put on my record, for sure, i only have chosen:
1. incantatrix
2. shed my skin (i have two versions of this one, so i'll probably make one into an ep)
3. stapled stomach
4. promised land (which is an FL song, but whatever. i still wrote it, i still own it)
other than that it's all speculation, and which direction do i want to pull things. i don't want to go too dark and moody, i don't want people to hear it and instantly think "tori!" or, god forbid, "ea!" yes, tori is a huge influence, and yes, i suffer from the same victoriana obsession syndrome as emilie autumn (even if as people and musicians we are drastically different), but i still want to walk away with something that is distinctly different. i'm trying to think in more of a punk/indie mindset for this. i think that those four songs kind of represent the cardinal directions i'm trying to pull people. in fact, please bear with me while i have a bit of weirdness here...
1. north - incantatrix - this is probably the darkest piece, at least how i define dark. it moves quickly, but the song itself is kind of slow. glitchy drums and a very sinister piano played mostly in the low end. when i play this my sister says it sounds like a tori song, and i agree. this is kind of the ghostly, haunted song. or at least i like to think so. color associations - black, indigo, gold. other associations - this song makes me think peacock feathers, red wine, deep forest at night. this song feels fae to me and i associate it with the unseelie court, possibly the very borders of the winterlands.
2. south - promised land - this song is less dark, but it's still cynical and sarcastic. it embodies that fiery kind of feeling and as far as these four lynchpins or whatever go, it's pretty much the opposite of everything in incantatrix. my original arrangement of this is very fast with a flamenco-esque guitar intro. i think i want to lose that aspect of it and put some scarey horns into it, a la tom waits's stuff off of 'franks wild years.' but i don't want to move away from the hyper ska beat that makes the song what it is. color associations - something bright. red. other associations - there is a sort of story to this song at its heart, and what it really means to me is people dying for something as foolish as religion. why throw all your family and friends aside, why throw your life away, for a being that is supposed to love you know matter what? above all, this song is meant to make you dance...and in the words of propagandhi, you dance to this--you drink to me.
3. east - stapled stomach - this song pretty much epitomizes the things that i hate about myself, so i guess it is in a way the most personal. it's sort of about hating yourself for hating yourself, and trying to conform to something that doesn't fulfill you. it's stripped down, so that the song itself is almost as hollow as the emotions behind it. just horrible, fuzzy guitars. i wrote this when i was listening to alot of rainer maria, and it shows. color associations - grey, white, rose, and orange, the colors of the dawn. other associations - the dawn in winter. the sun, but not in that 'yay, the sun is shining' kind of way, more in the way that it casts this bleak stark light on everything and makes you see how full of shit you really are. or i am, i guess.
4. west - shed my skin - pretty much the opposite of 'stapled stomach.' it's all the horrible things about me, yes, but it's about how i'm not willing to change them for someone else. i mean, seriously, "are you going to make me shed my skin to shrug off the bonds you've put me in?" yeah, nuff said. this is the quintessential angry song or whatever, and i have two versions of this- the "original" punk version that i sat down and bashed out on my guitar, and this sort of remixed version with strings and glitchy drums and heavy bass. i don't know which i like better so at some point i'll just have to get other people's opinions about which goes on the record. one will probably make it on to an ep or something though. color associations - black...and reptile-colors like green and brown and yellow and red. other associations - this is another deep forest at night kind of song, but in more of a creepy crawly way. ponds and reflecting pools. felled trees. moss and tears.
ok, well now that my brain has puked all over, i think i shall shut up.