The systematic destruction of my heart.
Why is it that I realize things like this too late? I don't even know how to feel right now. Someone tell me what to do, because I'm lost. I opened up a vault of pain I didn't know existed, and now I am almost consumed by it once more. Just when I think I'm alright something happens to make me bleed. It. Won't. Stop. I feel so helpless, used, worthless. It is something I never even considered and yet here I am, trying to deal with something I can't quite name. This feels exactly like last week Thursday. What is wrong with this? Is it too much to ask for me to be HAPPY? Apparently. I guess I just need to face it, keep my walls up. But how I wish I could be sick, really, truly sick so I can at least express some of the misery I feel. I want to feel miserable so I can release my mind from the trap it's stuck in.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I despise you with all of my soul and I wish you would rot in hell. I wish nothing more than to never see you or think of you again. I want freedom from your stupid eyes that always have the glimmer of knowledge. I want to punch you every time I glance at you, but you just smile and pretend you're innocent. You love that, don't you? You give me a hug and pretend you're my friend. But you're not. Asshole. Sometimes I almost wish you were dead. Sometimes I wish I stayed home, that I had never some back to school. You're the one who's worthless, who is undeserving of anything happy. I shouldn't have to suffer because of you. I shouldn't have to feel this kind of utter pain. User. Fake. Fake. Fake. Stupid jerk. But you won't get the last laugh this time, because I will forget your very exiistence once I leave here; I will forget everything and have only the happy memories. You will not destroy me. I will rebuild my heart with an extra barrier, and I will be even more careful next time. People like you will not get past these defenses I hide behind.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I despise you with all of my soul and I wish you would rot in hell. I wish nothing more than to never see you or think of you again. I want freedom from your stupid eyes that always have the glimmer of knowledge. I want to punch you every time I glance at you, but you just smile and pretend you're innocent. You love that, don't you? You give me a hug and pretend you're my friend. But you're not. Asshole. Sometimes I almost wish you were dead. Sometimes I wish I stayed home, that I had never some back to school. You're the one who's worthless, who is undeserving of anything happy. I shouldn't have to suffer because of you. I shouldn't have to feel this kind of utter pain. User. Fake. Fake. Fake. Stupid jerk. But you won't get the last laugh this time, because I will forget your very exiistence once I leave here; I will forget everything and have only the happy memories. You will not destroy me. I will rebuild my heart with an extra barrier, and I will be even more careful next time. People like you will not get past these defenses I hide behind.