Dealing With Spencer-Chapter Five
Spencer’s family; or rather part of his family, Kenji thought wondering what Dr. Wallace meant by pointing out that he didn’t know. What didn’t he know? Watching Spencer, Kenji even doubted that it was important because there was one thing he did know, that the blonde hated to be here.
“Well, fine then,” Jennifer said firmly and waved a young woman to her.
It’s a maid, Kenji thought, completely estranged, watching the young woman trying to hold her grace with a pile of clothes in her arms, all evidently suits, expensive brands and for a brief second it amused Kenji to imagine Spencer in such a suit. Aunt Jennifer snapped with her fingers in a demanding manner and said, “Let’s go and try these on.”
For what? Kenji wondered, noticing that Spencer wasn’t moving at all.
“Come on, Spencer we don’t have all day and I have to know if they should be fixed.”
“Mrs. Trainour,” Dr. Wallace softly interrupted her attempt to push Spencer towards his room, “Maybe, you should take it a bit slower. After all you haven’t been exactly present in his life.”
The older woman let out an angry snarl and raised her index finger, “And I never heard you complain about that. Frankly, I wouldn’t even have come but his granddaddy is celebrating his 80th birthday and he made it perfectly clear that he wants all of his family around. Therefore he has to come home for the weekend.”
Home, Spencer thought and shivered visibly. He needed to stay completely still because he feared he’d scream otherwise. It wasn’t so much Aunt Jennifer because even though she scared him to a certain point he found himself oddly moved to see her. Despite her loud voice and controlling manner she actually was one of the nice ones.
Spencer had no real idea why he was supposed to go home. He hadn’t even fully comprehended his family at all. All he knew was that he didn’t want to go and therefore shook his head in a defiant manner, “I don’t want to come.”
“Unfortunately you have no choice, little nephew because this is important. Important for you as well. You have to be there and now let’s not make this difficult.”
Instead of replying, the blonde turned around on the spot and walked away. Kenji watched the strange scene in front him and realized that the sashay woman was not surprised by Spencer’s sudden reaction but merely annoyed.
“Spencer! For god’s sake,” Jennifer turned around to Dr. Wallace, “You do know how important this is. I don’t want to do this either but there is no other way, so would you please help me out here.”
Kenji silently watched Dr. Wallace as she stared at Spencer’s aunt. It surprised him when she turned around to follow the blonde. It surprised him because she seemed convinced that Spencer’s compliance really was important. While he followed her, Suzie took a hold of his sleeve, “A little advice, keep out of this.”
One tiny problem, Kenji thought as he brushed her off and followed them to Spencer’s room, I love him.
As predicted there was nothing but chaos inside the small room because Spencer refused to try on any of the suits. He was sitting on the bed with his stuffed bear Wicket and poked it while staring blankly outside the window. His lips were curled in defiance but Kenji could also see that he was having trouble staying focused. He could also see that the blonde wanted this whole charade to stop and go back to his life before.
“Please Spency, it’s only for a weekend,” Dr. Wallace tried to reason in a tone that Kenji hated. He hated that they’d talk to him like a child only because he shows his discomfort more openly. Can’t they see that all he wants is to be left alone?
“His name is Spencer. Don’t give him little nicknames it’s inappropriate,” Jennifer interrupted the doctor.
The teenager in him made him give her names. What a bitch, he thought, his eyes searching for Spencer’s hoping that he’d see the compassion but the blonde was not looking up. The only person more confused than Kenji was the poor maid. She wasn’t really sure if she was supposed to proceed holding up various clothing to the stubborn blonde or simply do nothing.
“This is ridiculous! Dear God, you are just like your mother,” Aunt Jennifer snarled and a dark shadow washed over Spencer’s face.
Everybody was staring at the older woman open mouthed because everyone from the clinic knew to never mention his mom. Jennifer simply shrugged and added, “What? He is as stubborn as her that’s for sure,” slowly she turned around and her eyes stayed on the almost completely motionless stature of the boy, “God forgive me but he surely is as crazy as her.”
Wicket, the bear was not consciously aware that he was flying as Spencer threw him directly at his aunt and very furiously spat out, “She wasn’t crazy!”
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” Aunt Jennifer replied and added rather dryly, “She made herself crazy. She made you crazy as well.”
“That’s not true,” Spencer hissed out but the frantic waving of his arms was contradicting what he was saying and Kenji felt a sting in his heart. In all the weeks he had known him Kenji had never seen his struggle to be seen normal. It never seemed an issue when they were alone or in here because he wasn’t treated like it.
For Kenji it was an absolute clear picture. The only thing that was not working in Spencer’s brain was control, a control people learn from their parents. He had no control over his feelings and emotions. They swoop over him constantly making him react to the world. Just like now. He was looking so angry and so sad because Jennifer would not take her words back.
“Maybe, it’s best if you leave,” Dr. Wallace said in a calm voice.
Surreal, Kenji thought when the older woman very briskly threw a blazer at Spencer, “You should start to grow up and stop defending her. I can’t believe you are still so fond of her. Has she ever even called you? She calls me, you know.”
Like a child Spencer pressed his palms against his ears and sobbed out heartbreakingly, “That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. She called to say that she is not coming. Again, not coming. She is not coming back, Spencer. You just have to get that into your damaged brain once and for all!”
“Stop talking to him like that,” Kenji suddenly said and everyone became uncomfortably quiet.
“What are you doing here?” Aunt Jennifer asked, surprised.
Instead of replying Kenji approached Spencer and carefully sat next to him, “Hey…”
The blonde was crying and tried so hard to still stay calm. It was extremely straining for him because all his insides simply wanted to throw his arms around Kenji, the only person in this room, maybe his entire life that he trusted and gave room to all of his tears.
“I don’t want to go,” he croaked, weakly pleading.
Jennifer Trainour watched the boy closely. That strange kid and how tenderly he cared about her nephew. Why? she wondered, noticing the softness that lay in Kenji’s touches as he brushed over Spencer’s hand. This was interesting, mostly because Dr. Wallace had stated that this boy didn’t know. What sort of affection was this?
“Spencer, please I know you don’t want to go but this is really important. Not now but maybe for the future. It’s two days and don’t you want to come see home again? Everything is unchanged,” his aunt said very softly because she really didn’t mean to hurt him.
The only reason why she was here is to ensure that this family wouldn’t forget him. Besides that boy was the spitting image of her sister. His personality so similar to hers. This boy’s life had always been the family tragedy but it wasn’t a tragedy that people would talk at parties because everyone would rather forget the offspring of her sister. Aunt Jennifer would disagree with Kenji about Spencer being crazy. She truly believed that her nephew was brain damaged but that doesn’t mean she’d allow for him to be forgotten.
Her eyes fell on Kenji’s back and she sighed when she suggested, “Why don’t you bring Kenji? You could show him your secret place.”
There was undoubtlable a change in Spencer the second she said it. Kenji noticed that so familiar tense. It was more frightening because it would mean that Spencer liked the idea and Kenji wasn’t so keen about that. He wasn’t so sure if visiting any event in this family would be a good idea because he was clearly not fitting in. Not at all and the woman alone was intimidating him enough. However, Spencer lifted his eyes and Kenji’s chest tightened with the hope that lay in them.
“Please,” Spencer whispered, barely audible to anyone except for Kenji.
The affect his hushed plead had on Kenji was so evident to everyone in the room. Even without gentle caressing over the pale skin there was not much doubt left that they shared a very close relationship. Too close for Dr. Wallace’s taste.
Half an hour later Jennifer Trainour left the clinic as loudly as she arrived with clear orders to everyone around. Nonetheless, Spencer was smiling. His smile lit up his face and reflected in the drying tears on skin. A soft laughter echoed through the room when they both started to dress up, while the poor maid tried to take measures. That of course wasn’t exactly easy with the blonde using his room for a catwalk.
The whole concept had turned into a game and was suddenly no longer something evil but something immensely fun. Kenji wasn’t a fool, he noticed the curious glances from Dr. Wallace, and he was aware that Spencer was showing too much affection. Too evident was his dependency on Kenji, too open with his obvious feelings.
Even though Kenji was trying to be reluctant and kept him at a certain distance, he couldn’t help but sometimes smile broadly, looking a little bit too happy. He felt great, like a hero even, because he was doing Spencer a favor and he had stopped him from crying and he had spoken up for him. Most importantly, he was responsible for that smile and the smile alone seemed worth it.
When he later left Dr. Wallace waited for him outside. She leaned against the door with a cigarette between her fingers, blowing out a cloud of smoke when she casually said, “I know I should know better than to kill myself with one of these.”
Kenji shrugged, unsure what she expected him to say and replied, “I guess it’s your choice.”
“How close are you with him?” she suddenly asked and had him startled.
“What do you mean? We’re friends.”
“Let me tell you something about my son, Kenji,” She said and flicked the cigarette away, exhaling heavily, “He’s your age and recently had fallen in love. God, I’m telling you kids are crazy when the hormones go nuts…”
Kenji blushed and gazed nervously around, trying to get out of it by saying, “I think I have to go.”
“In a minute Kenji, because we need to talk about this. It’s not a game and it isn’t funny. This isn’t the place to experience some childish first love. Certainly not with a patient who searches closeness without realizing the consequences. This is not something that should happen within these walls. Now, I know you are very young and probably have a crush but you should know that Spencer feels that he’s bound to that affection.”
She didn’t even know him. It was different, they just couldn’t see it. Couldn’t see what? Kenji was confused and felt a wave of shame washing over him. He felt awfully exposed but nonetheless bravely replied, “I think you have no real idea who Spencer really is. He isn’t crazy!”
The defense sounded painfully unprofessional, Kenji realized and lowered his eyes.
“Just because you are fascinated doesn’t make you an expert, Kenji. He is already depending on you. Can’t you see how wrong that is? How long will you be around? A year, two? Will you write him when you are entering your new life?
I don’t know his entire story but I know people he cared about always left him. He was always left behind, left out of their lives and you are going to the same thing to him. You want to become a doctor, then maybe you should start looking at him like a patient.”
She was harsh and she knew it. She also felt sorry for it but her professional instinct told her to interfere. This just wasn’t right, she thought but was surprised to see that depth in Kenji’s eyes. He gave her such a wretched look and for some reason she wondered if there really was something more than an inappropriate crush.
“How do you know? How do you know that I’m even leaving? Maybe I decide not to go to college…”
“Oh, Kenji spare me that heartbreaking speech. You are a teenager and therefore cannot be hold responsible for your actions. I’ll grant you that but know this, when this weekend is over you are fired.”
“What? You can’t do that!”
“Yes, I can. You can still visit him at visiting hours but I think you need some distance, Kenji. Maybe you should concentrate more on school.”
“I’m helping him! If you do that you will be the one hurting him not me!”
“You are making it worse. He’s already back living a fantasy that will break in reality. He already believes in you way too much and frankly, I don’t. You are a young, good-looking boy but I’m afraid that your affection for this sick and vulnerable boy is just a phase. Maybe you miss having a playmate while you are growing up but Spencer is a very fragile young man and I don’t want to see him hurt.”
“You don’t know him! Dr. Wallace, please what I’m feeling is real…”
“Listen to yourself, Kenji. You should know that this is wrong. Do you want me to call your parents and tell them that you have a sexual relationship with a mentally unbalanced patient?”
“It isn’t a sexual…” Kenji’s voice cracked because he was completely lost. Fired! Visiting hours were three times a week..., “I really care about him.”
“I’m sure you do but this isn’t about now, it’s about the future for him and that won’t be an easy road.”
“It’s not fair. Why can’t you see that he shouldn’t even be in this place?”
“Kenji, in the time he is with us he broke his arm, his wrist, some ribs and almost his neck because he was being a pirate, a cowboy or a raven. He went through more than one extremely heavy phase of depression, where when his mind was in our world he had tried to even kill himself once.”
Kenji was at a loss for words not because he believed them but because it felt hopeless to convince her otherwise. He cleared his throat before he croaked, “But can’t you see that by creating his own worlds he’s treating himself. He’s learning through the characters and I’ve seen him. I’ve spent time with him Dr. Wallace, he’s very smart and he’s aware who he is and where he is. He knows.”
“I think you just want to believe that, Kenji.”
Knowing that she would never understand Kenji gave up with a sigh and whispered, “How can I explain that to him?”
“View it as a practice. See how hard it will be and then imagine how he’d react when you are leaving for good,” she said firmly and left him without another word.
Surprisingly enough it hit Kenji totally unprepared. Even though in the past weeks he had often struggled with the question of what would happen should the world find out he never considered that he would be fired. He had even briefly thought about applying for a job as a nurse, simply skipping first year college with work experience. It would look good on his resume and it would gain them another year.
Was she right? Where those all stupid teenage dreams? Kenji wasn’t sure anymore and with hanging shoulders he walked to his car. When he got home he sat silently in the darkness trying to set his feelings in order. He had always wondered how being in love would feel like and he was partly overwhelmed of the wonderful warmth inside his body. Though the many butterflies flapping their wings in his stomach turned quickly into screams because the object of his affection was so different from everything he knew.
While Kenji’s mind was occupied with that question of whether or not his feelings were morally right Spencer himself couldn’t sleep. In fact he never slept much at all. Someone once said that if you sleep less your dreams would become prettier. Something that wouldn’t make much sense to many had become something treasured by him.
He had taken Wicket back to his bed and was very quietly communicating with the stuffed animal, his voice only a hush as he asked, “Do you think Kenji will like home?”
There was a part of him that desperately wanted to go home. A part he usually ignored because there was also the knowledge that she wouldn’t be there. Spencer had the memory of two significant time periods saved up in him and while one was something magical, something so indescribably beautiful, the other one was cold, cruel and harsh.
Once someone had taken him to a land of wonders, had given him warmth and once someone had taken that back. The worst of all was that it was one and the same person and that was always confusing Spencer up until the point where he rather stopped remembering at all. Some things simply shouldn’t be remembered, a lesson he had learned rather early in life.
Aunt Jennifer was awake as well. She had informed her father that Spencer would come and still hadn’t figured out the reaction. His father had just very tiredly stared at a small silver framed picture and shrugged. The picture had capture a moment that was nothing more than a lie. A beautiful, gorgeous girl with long black hair embracing her five-year-old son.
The beginning of the story, Jennifer thought and stared at the ceiling.
*
*
Kenji was at the clinic when a black limousine picked them up in front of the clinic. Dr. Wallace was not looking at him and Kenji, himself avoided her view. The suit was scratching and he felt trapped in it. Yet, Spencer successfully took his mind off the miserable outlook at the future.
For one thing, the blonde was not in awe and didn’t seem the least impressed while he slide onto the black leather seats. There was no doubt that he had been in such a vehicle possibly many times before unlike Kenji, who couldn’t suppress the little boy inside him and gazed at the interior with an almost dreamingly gaze saying, “Now that’s what I call a great ride.”
Spencer instantly started giggling, “You sound funny.”
“Really? You think I’m funny?”
“Very funny.”
“Well, I’m glad to amuse you,” Kenji said with a fake sarcastic tone and watched Spencer’s smile brighten.
His eyes suddenly narrowed and he moved closer to Kenji, whispering into his ear, “I will show you the secret place!”
“What sort of a place is it?”
Spencer looked over his shoulder to ensure that nobody was listening before explaining in a hushed voice, “It’s safe.”
Kenji shivered by his words because it sounded so wrong. He’d expected the blonde to make up wild stories about that place but not simply stating that it was safe. Nonetheless, he smiled softly and winked at him, “Sounds wonderful.”
Wonderful would not be a word he’d chose to describe Spencer’s family. Obnoxious, arrogant snobs would fit far better. Never in his life had he seen so many people he despised. They weren’t nice people. In fact, Kenji started to wonder if they were born with a genetic defect; the lack of compassion.
In the middle was Spencer’s grandfather, a tall man with silver hair who was incredibly healthy for his age. He was undoubtly the alpha-male and everyone prowled around him in an almost disgusting devotion. Lawrence Patrick Trainour, as his name was, however ignored most of them. So far, he hadn’t even risked a look at Spencer at all.
Nobody really did. They all ignored the blonde who was nervously playing with the sleeves of his blazer and from time to time brushed through his hair, which gave him an even more chaotic and lost appearance. Aside from Aunt Jennifer who showed them to their seats on a giant dinner table nobody even spoke with them.
The table was of heavy mahogany and a white exquisite fabric was wrapped around it. It definitely was something Kenji had never seen before and wasn’t exactly prepare for either. The waiters confused him just as much as the various items carefully placed on their expected places. In a moment of panic his mind tried frantically to come up with the reason for the smallest fork on left before he gave up, hoping he’d figure it out eventually. Kenji counted twenty dishes when he sat down quietly next to Spencer.
Once they all finally sat down Kenji started to get to know a few of them by listening. Next to him was Uncle Vince the cowboy. With a terribly southern accent that sounded fake he’d make stupid inappropriate jokes much to the demise of a cousin Tiffany, a seventeen-year-old blonde beauty queen, who’d rather be out clubbing.
Next to Spencer sat Aunt Jennifer and next to her, Uncle Chuck a guy whose stature reminded Kenji of a weird version of Homer Simpson. He was as loud as apparently everybody was in this family and his laughter sounded like the snarling sound of a pig. Even more surprising was to see that his wife was about two generations younger, blonde, beautiful and mostly bored.
Across from them sat a guy named Bob Bernstein and Kenji gathered that this guy had been the family lawyer for ages. He was a slick Yankee and Kenji even found him attractive. However, his arrogance ruined all possible fantasies rather quickly and the lawyer’s wife Idonna was downright dumb. Of all the people in the room, Bob was the most devoted to Trainour Senior. Most likely because he wasn’t related by blood and could therefore be easily erased from this society.
The couple next to the lawyer and his wife seemed appalled to sit next to them and faked the high society by randomly naming classic authors or plays they’ve seen. They both looked ridiculous in Kenji’s opinion because evidently nobody had told them to get out of the Caribbean sun quick enough. Sarah, who spoke with a thick Californian accent tried to seem bohemian while Danny Trainour tried to sound extremely well mannered.
There was a young British guy named Alec, who was not even attempting to hide his obvious boredom and his sister Tera was constantly flirting with one of the Latino waiters. Apparently they were the offspring of another son who had moved to London, married had those two and walked in front of a bus by the age of 49.
Kenji couldn’t possibly gather all of their names and certainly lost the knots that showed the relation to each other half way through the introduction provided by Aunt Jennifer. His mind tried to remember everything his mother had once told him about this sort of people but he was still confused what fork he should use for what.
The waiters were silently bringing out various plates of food and while Kenji tried to figure out what would not make him vomit the conversation became a little bit louder.
“I’m glad you could make it Bob,” Lawrence said in a low voice and the lawyer gave him a nod.
“Thank you, my friend. It is as always my pleasure to be here. It almost feels like family,” Bob professionally replied with a smirk on his face.
Some members were actually rolling their eyes but only Danny Trainour dared to say, “But you’re not.”
The conversation quickly turned into diplomatic small-talk with a bitter undertone and ended with Bob saying, “Nothing greater than family,” with his glass raised.
Kenji didn’t pay attention and watched Spencer, who started blankly at the plates. He was unusually quiet and didn’t even nervously shift in his seat. It reminded Kenji of a lamb pushed to slaughter because Spencer was not really reacting to anything around him. There was one chair empty on that table and Kenji noticed that blonde more than once gazed on it with a yearning view.
“Unfortunately the family isn’t complete…” the older man suddenly said quietly.
“It hasn’t been complete in years,” Jennifer hissed out, earning a disapproving glare from her father and several of her siblings.
“But tonight it is my pleasure to see my grandson on this table,” Lawrence replied and like it was an order everyone turned around to the blonde. “It’s nice to see you, Spencer.”
The blonde lifted his eyes and gave them a shy smile. It was so visible that he felt uncomfortable when he croaked, “It’s nice to see you too, grandpa.”
It was even weird to hear him say it but watching him was worrying Kenji. Increasing that worry was Uncle Chuck as he incredibly slowly said, “Hello Spencer.”
He was talking to him like a child and Kenji wanted to slap him for it.
“Hello Uncle,” Spencer paused because he couldn’t remember which uncle it was. He had never cared because there used to be someone who told them they were all idiots anyway.
“Chuck! Have you forgotten me? We used to play hide and seek.”
The stupid fake compassionate laughter made Kenji sick. What a bunch of losers, he thought angrily and sighed.
“And who are you?” Lawrence asked curiously, focusing on Kenji who instantly blushed with the attention given to him.
“That is Kenji. He is an intern at the clinic,” Jennifer said to his aid and they all gave him sort of curious glances.
“So, you are like his nurse?” Tiffany asked with a cocked eyebrow.
“He doesn’t need a nurse,” Kenji replied a bit too harshly.
“Well, if he’s anything like his mother he surely does,” Sarah growled with a sarcastic tone.
Before Spencer could say anything, his grandfather silenced them all with a waving hand, “I won’t allow any conversation about my daughter on this table or on this day. Let’s eat instead.”
There was hurt in that voice and Kenji eyed the older man curiously. Whatever Spencer’s mother had done this family was extremely damaged by it. He noticed that the blonde had trouble staying calm and he also noticed that Spencer was having trouble holding on to his concentration. His eyes often flickered and fixed on something completely meaningless like a painting at the wall.
Assuming that the family would have a blast should Spencer lose it because that would clearly make them right in assuming that he was crazy, Kenji took a deep breath and softly kicked Spencer’s leg. The blonde lifted his eyes and gave him such a sad look that Kenji almost grabbed him and towed him outside this room. Instead, the younger man took a pea and placed it on top of his fork.
While the rest of the table had started to talk about politics or recent changes in the stock market Spencer’s face lit up as he watched Kenji pressing down other end of the fork and the pea flew through the air, almost landing inside Spencer’s glass of water. The blonde chuckled and his eyes were lightened up by something so beautiful that naturally all those miserable souls turn their eyes at the boy’s game.
Kenji grinned broadly over his reaction and repeated the move. The pea eventually hit a glass of liquid, unfortunately, it was the lawyer’s wife glass and she let out a yelp when her red wine spilled slightly at the table. Her reaction was making them both laugh and Kenji didn’t even care what they would think. As far as he was concerned, this family would never be interested in him as a person and he didn’t like them anyway. All that mattered was to distract Spencer from this and therefore he happily joined the blonde’s enchanting laughter.
“Do it again,” Spencer suddenly gasped out with his hands clapping in applause.
“Spencer!” Lawrence Trainour yelled and gave them both a piercing glance, “Stop acting like children.”
Instead of complying with his grandfather’s wish Spencer simply turned to Kenji, “Do it again!”
Much to everyone’s despise or surprise Kenji happily complied this time and the pea hit Spencer’s water glass which had the blonde lifting his arms and crying, “You did it!”
“This is unacceptable,” Lawrence said but there was undoubtly an amused smile playing around his lips, “I think you two better leave the table now.”
He was doing them a favor and Kenji knew it. He felt it was on purpose but before he could assure himself Spencer had already taken his hand in his and towed him away from the table. Ignoring the mean mocking of the family, Kenji followed eagerly because getting away from those people seemed like the best idea ever.
Spencer knew where he was going. Even though it was such a huge mansion. When they arrived earlier, it had actually deprived Kenji from air for a moment. The giant house was set almost hidden in the Beverly Hills, surrounded by what seemed an endless wall. It looked almost like a small castle. The rooms were high and the ceiling decorated with paintings.
Old antiques filled up the hall upstairs and Kenji was staring in awe at the walls when Spencer forced him to walk upstairs with him. One white stoned stairway and two smaller ones later, they entered a dark hallway. Spencer didn’t stop but kneeled down and opened a small wooden door, revealing a hole that seemed to be cut into the wall itself.
Kenji had to crawl through it and he was still brushing away the dust when he found himself suddenly standing in a room just under the roof. As he lifted his eyes he held his breath for a moment before slowly exhaling and staring that this small, completely unexpected place.
Basically, it was a huge, hazy room and that looked like the rooms of two children had been tugged together. On the one side it was undoubtly that of a girl. Pink was the dominating color. A small drawer next to bed at a stand mirror on it. Impressive collections of dolls were carefully placed around the place.
On the other side, it was a boy’s room. The entire room was filled up with toys. So many toys that Kenji felt a bit dizzy for a moment. Blankets were spread out making it a cozy place to just sink down and forget all worries. The paintings and posters on the walls were old ones. For a brief moment, he wondered if they were original ones. They seemed quite extreme choices for a children’s room for his taste.
Dozens of Christmas lights were connected to the ceiling and the walls and when Spencer pushed a button Kenji seriously felt like having entered another universe. He strangely felt like Alice in Wonderland it was making him feel more than a little uneasy. The blonde, however walked confidently around, staring at his belongings and almost casually tipped on a small music box. The melody filled up the room and he gave Kenji a broad smile, “This was my room…sometimes.”
Kenji was unable to speak at all, he was still coping with this place while Spencer already started to fumble around a drawer and towed out an old 8mm-film projector.
“What are you doing?”
“Remembering,” was the simple reply as he put the film role into the machine and pressed another button. Obviously he had done that a lot of times before.
The small white spot at one wall was instantly showing the flickering picture of an old home made film. The second the woman showed up on the wall Spencer sunk down in silence and seemed almost hypnotized by her image. Very carefully Kenji joined him and sat down on the floor, his eyes lifted at the piece of past.
“Is that your mom?”
Spencer only nodded. She was incredibly beautiful Kenji thought, trying to focus on the film instead of Spencer because he truly wanted to know. Snow white came into his mind because the woman was pale, though that could be the age of the film. Her hair was long, black and fell unbound over her shoulders like a waterfall.
She was wearing a long gypsy skirt and a white blouse. Her feet were dancing barefoot on the grass as she swirled around with a wide smile on her face. Then her eyes shifted and she opened up her arms embracing a little boy. Kenji guessed him to be five or six at max but it was definitely Spencer.
Kenji stole a glimpse at Spencer and noticed the small tear moving steadily down his cheek and he felt him tensing. Tenderly he reached over and mingled his fingers with Spencer’s before focusing back on the film. There was a guy now, a handsome blonde with a surfer’s smile and Spencer was sitting on top of his shoulders.
There was a cut and it showed the woman again as she danced like an elf around her son. She was young; very, very young, Kenji thought and swallowed hard because the picture of harmony had faded into something that increased his heartbeat. He realized that Spencer was still caught up in the memory. A wonderful precious memory and probably would not even understand why Kenji wanted to actually slap Spencer’s mother.
The dark haired woman kneeled before him and gestured him to open up his mouth. The boy happily and trustingly replied and stuck out his tongue. Kenji watched quietly as Spencer’s mom put her thumb on her child’s tongue. She did the same to herself. Then she showed him to close it and wait.
Little Spencer was giving her a curious but wonderful glance and he laughed out when she tickled him shortly afterwards. She then kissed like no mother should kiss her son. The embrace was way too intimate and Kenji found himself stealing a glance at Spencer. There was a barely visible shifting. He remembered how Spencer said that nobody ever kissed him and partly understood why he had lied.
“He was five,” Aunt Jennifer’s voice crashed through the silence and Spencerer wiped away his tears quickly.
“She drugged him?” Kenji asked, ignoring the embrace completely. As far as he was concerned drugs could explain everything.
“All the time,” Jennifer quietly replied and sat down next to Kenji. “Mostly LSD because she believed herself to be one of the last flower girls. She had just turned fifteen when she gave birth to him. Possibly her masterpiece in angering daddy.”
Spencer was not saying anything and Kenji doubted that he would share her thoughts. He just seemed sad that his mom wasn’t there anymore.
“He was her most precious toy,” Jennifer croaked, sadly watching the beautiful face of her sister dancing on the screen with that happy facial impression of an estranged person, “Never wanted to be his mother but his friend. They were living around here most of the time not even realizing that the world was still spinning.”
“And nobody protested?” Kenji asked in disbelief.
“Nobody dared because she was his baby girl and pretty much allowed to do anything she want. Besides it meant having her close to the house all the time. Drugs made her slowly insane but as long as she showed up every now and then nobody worried much.”
Jennifer’s voice sounded harsh and accusing, which seemed understandable to Kenji. At least part of it. “What changed?”
The conversation suddenly died. Jennifer only shrugged and lowered her eyes too keep some secrets still untouched and croaked, “As I said, she was insane. And she made her husband insane and her son as well.”
“Don’t say that,” Spencer protested but continued watching his mother. His entire body repulsed the words said out loud and it was visibly showing by his trembling lips. Mostly because he still didn’t understand and never truly had before. All he knew was that his mom had always loved him. She used to say it all the time. What changed? It was all just a blur, something carefully pushed aside.
“And this is the sad thing,” she suddenly said pointing somewhat theatrically at Spencer, “He never doubted her but she still left him without saying goodbye. She left him in this family after she was done molding him to her liking. He never saw a teacher in his life, never even seen most of the outside world. He was twelve and she was gone.”
There were tears running down Spencer’s cheeks because he didn’t want to hear anyone talking bad about his mom. Everything had been fine as long as she was in his life. Even painful moments were easily erased by her magic. Nobody had ever explained that what she was doing had been wrong. Nobody ever could because either way it had defined him as a person.
“You made her leave,” he croaked weakly and sniveled.
“That’s not true, Spencer and you know that. You were there.”
“Why do you expect him to understand what happened? Nobody ever tried to explain,” Kenji suddenly said, aware that she had seen them holding hands.
“You do really like him, do you? Despite of what he is?"
“What do you mean what he is?”
It felt wrong to talk about Spencer while he was in the room but for some reason the blonde wasn’t even reacting. The small outburst had faded and left only him and the past image of his mother. He wasn’t defending her anymore but simply delved in memories.
“You have to admit that he isn’t normal.”
“Well, neither is your family.”
“Touché. Why do you think I brought him here this weekend? They don’t want him because he reminds them of her. My sister was always screaming for a revolution but they have to acknowledge him eventually because you see all of this?” she waved her arms theatrically, “All of this will one day become his.”
“What do you mean his? There are like a million other siblings downstairs.”
“Yes, but in his grandfather’s testament there will only be one name. His name. Don’t ask me why but I think it’s because of his mother and how much my father loved her. Or maybe it’s because he feels guilty for keeping his eyes closed and his mouth shut for so long. Even when Spencer’s father left nobody said anything. For almost an entire year it was just him and his mum up there. She only came down for food or to play with him outside. Occasionally a dealer would come up providing her with all sorts of mind-bending drugs. You see the result. It’s no wonder his mind isn’t working properly. Now, that greasy lawyer wants to declare him insane. He and the rest of this assholes want him to be locked up the rest of his life.”
“Isn’t there another way to settle this?” Kenji asked, aware that Spencer did not even understand what she was saying.
“I’m sure there is if they’d be willing to find one. But they want it all. We are talking about a fortune of approximately 349 Million dollars.”
Kenji’s jaw dropped, “Excuse me?”
Aunt Jennifer gave him a wry smile that Kenji was unable to return.
Money, he thought. A shit ton of money. With that thought, another one surfaced and made him angry. There were many reasons as to why. One was his age, because he suddenly thought he could hear his father’s voice in his head warning him in a weird way. Another was the revelation that Spencer’s mom, the woman Spencer was actually dreamingly gazing at due the false softness of an old camera lens, missing her terribly because she had literally taking him to fucking wonderland suddenly obviously had more than one problem.
In addition, Kenji sincerely wondered why a family with that much money would bring Spencer into an open clinic, denying any tests at all. He turned around and watched the blonde as he still watched the silent pictures possibly remembering how he had felt. Great, Kenji thought sarcastically and slowly said with his eyes still focused on Spencer, “Do you really think that he cares about money?”
“Well, fine then,” Jennifer said firmly and waved a young woman to her.
It’s a maid, Kenji thought, completely estranged, watching the young woman trying to hold her grace with a pile of clothes in her arms, all evidently suits, expensive brands and for a brief second it amused Kenji to imagine Spencer in such a suit. Aunt Jennifer snapped with her fingers in a demanding manner and said, “Let’s go and try these on.”
For what? Kenji wondered, noticing that Spencer wasn’t moving at all.
“Come on, Spencer we don’t have all day and I have to know if they should be fixed.”
“Mrs. Trainour,” Dr. Wallace softly interrupted her attempt to push Spencer towards his room, “Maybe, you should take it a bit slower. After all you haven’t been exactly present in his life.”
The older woman let out an angry snarl and raised her index finger, “And I never heard you complain about that. Frankly, I wouldn’t even have come but his granddaddy is celebrating his 80th birthday and he made it perfectly clear that he wants all of his family around. Therefore he has to come home for the weekend.”
Home, Spencer thought and shivered visibly. He needed to stay completely still because he feared he’d scream otherwise. It wasn’t so much Aunt Jennifer because even though she scared him to a certain point he found himself oddly moved to see her. Despite her loud voice and controlling manner she actually was one of the nice ones.
Spencer had no real idea why he was supposed to go home. He hadn’t even fully comprehended his family at all. All he knew was that he didn’t want to go and therefore shook his head in a defiant manner, “I don’t want to come.”
“Unfortunately you have no choice, little nephew because this is important. Important for you as well. You have to be there and now let’s not make this difficult.”
Instead of replying, the blonde turned around on the spot and walked away. Kenji watched the strange scene in front him and realized that the sashay woman was not surprised by Spencer’s sudden reaction but merely annoyed.
“Spencer! For god’s sake,” Jennifer turned around to Dr. Wallace, “You do know how important this is. I don’t want to do this either but there is no other way, so would you please help me out here.”
Kenji silently watched Dr. Wallace as she stared at Spencer’s aunt. It surprised him when she turned around to follow the blonde. It surprised him because she seemed convinced that Spencer’s compliance really was important. While he followed her, Suzie took a hold of his sleeve, “A little advice, keep out of this.”
One tiny problem, Kenji thought as he brushed her off and followed them to Spencer’s room, I love him.
As predicted there was nothing but chaos inside the small room because Spencer refused to try on any of the suits. He was sitting on the bed with his stuffed bear Wicket and poked it while staring blankly outside the window. His lips were curled in defiance but Kenji could also see that he was having trouble staying focused. He could also see that the blonde wanted this whole charade to stop and go back to his life before.
“Please Spency, it’s only for a weekend,” Dr. Wallace tried to reason in a tone that Kenji hated. He hated that they’d talk to him like a child only because he shows his discomfort more openly. Can’t they see that all he wants is to be left alone?
“His name is Spencer. Don’t give him little nicknames it’s inappropriate,” Jennifer interrupted the doctor.
The teenager in him made him give her names. What a bitch, he thought, his eyes searching for Spencer’s hoping that he’d see the compassion but the blonde was not looking up. The only person more confused than Kenji was the poor maid. She wasn’t really sure if she was supposed to proceed holding up various clothing to the stubborn blonde or simply do nothing.
“This is ridiculous! Dear God, you are just like your mother,” Aunt Jennifer snarled and a dark shadow washed over Spencer’s face.
Everybody was staring at the older woman open mouthed because everyone from the clinic knew to never mention his mom. Jennifer simply shrugged and added, “What? He is as stubborn as her that’s for sure,” slowly she turned around and her eyes stayed on the almost completely motionless stature of the boy, “God forgive me but he surely is as crazy as her.”
Wicket, the bear was not consciously aware that he was flying as Spencer threw him directly at his aunt and very furiously spat out, “She wasn’t crazy!”
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” Aunt Jennifer replied and added rather dryly, “She made herself crazy. She made you crazy as well.”
“That’s not true,” Spencer hissed out but the frantic waving of his arms was contradicting what he was saying and Kenji felt a sting in his heart. In all the weeks he had known him Kenji had never seen his struggle to be seen normal. It never seemed an issue when they were alone or in here because he wasn’t treated like it.
For Kenji it was an absolute clear picture. The only thing that was not working in Spencer’s brain was control, a control people learn from their parents. He had no control over his feelings and emotions. They swoop over him constantly making him react to the world. Just like now. He was looking so angry and so sad because Jennifer would not take her words back.
“Maybe, it’s best if you leave,” Dr. Wallace said in a calm voice.
Surreal, Kenji thought when the older woman very briskly threw a blazer at Spencer, “You should start to grow up and stop defending her. I can’t believe you are still so fond of her. Has she ever even called you? She calls me, you know.”
Like a child Spencer pressed his palms against his ears and sobbed out heartbreakingly, “That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. She called to say that she is not coming. Again, not coming. She is not coming back, Spencer. You just have to get that into your damaged brain once and for all!”
“Stop talking to him like that,” Kenji suddenly said and everyone became uncomfortably quiet.
“What are you doing here?” Aunt Jennifer asked, surprised.
Instead of replying Kenji approached Spencer and carefully sat next to him, “Hey…”
The blonde was crying and tried so hard to still stay calm. It was extremely straining for him because all his insides simply wanted to throw his arms around Kenji, the only person in this room, maybe his entire life that he trusted and gave room to all of his tears.
“I don’t want to go,” he croaked, weakly pleading.
Jennifer Trainour watched the boy closely. That strange kid and how tenderly he cared about her nephew. Why? she wondered, noticing the softness that lay in Kenji’s touches as he brushed over Spencer’s hand. This was interesting, mostly because Dr. Wallace had stated that this boy didn’t know. What sort of affection was this?
“Spencer, please I know you don’t want to go but this is really important. Not now but maybe for the future. It’s two days and don’t you want to come see home again? Everything is unchanged,” his aunt said very softly because she really didn’t mean to hurt him.
The only reason why she was here is to ensure that this family wouldn’t forget him. Besides that boy was the spitting image of her sister. His personality so similar to hers. This boy’s life had always been the family tragedy but it wasn’t a tragedy that people would talk at parties because everyone would rather forget the offspring of her sister. Aunt Jennifer would disagree with Kenji about Spencer being crazy. She truly believed that her nephew was brain damaged but that doesn’t mean she’d allow for him to be forgotten.
Her eyes fell on Kenji’s back and she sighed when she suggested, “Why don’t you bring Kenji? You could show him your secret place.”
There was undoubtlable a change in Spencer the second she said it. Kenji noticed that so familiar tense. It was more frightening because it would mean that Spencer liked the idea and Kenji wasn’t so keen about that. He wasn’t so sure if visiting any event in this family would be a good idea because he was clearly not fitting in. Not at all and the woman alone was intimidating him enough. However, Spencer lifted his eyes and Kenji’s chest tightened with the hope that lay in them.
“Please,” Spencer whispered, barely audible to anyone except for Kenji.
The affect his hushed plead had on Kenji was so evident to everyone in the room. Even without gentle caressing over the pale skin there was not much doubt left that they shared a very close relationship. Too close for Dr. Wallace’s taste.
Half an hour later Jennifer Trainour left the clinic as loudly as she arrived with clear orders to everyone around. Nonetheless, Spencer was smiling. His smile lit up his face and reflected in the drying tears on skin. A soft laughter echoed through the room when they both started to dress up, while the poor maid tried to take measures. That of course wasn’t exactly easy with the blonde using his room for a catwalk.
The whole concept had turned into a game and was suddenly no longer something evil but something immensely fun. Kenji wasn’t a fool, he noticed the curious glances from Dr. Wallace, and he was aware that Spencer was showing too much affection. Too evident was his dependency on Kenji, too open with his obvious feelings.
Even though Kenji was trying to be reluctant and kept him at a certain distance, he couldn’t help but sometimes smile broadly, looking a little bit too happy. He felt great, like a hero even, because he was doing Spencer a favor and he had stopped him from crying and he had spoken up for him. Most importantly, he was responsible for that smile and the smile alone seemed worth it.
When he later left Dr. Wallace waited for him outside. She leaned against the door with a cigarette between her fingers, blowing out a cloud of smoke when she casually said, “I know I should know better than to kill myself with one of these.”
Kenji shrugged, unsure what she expected him to say and replied, “I guess it’s your choice.”
“How close are you with him?” she suddenly asked and had him startled.
“What do you mean? We’re friends.”
“Let me tell you something about my son, Kenji,” She said and flicked the cigarette away, exhaling heavily, “He’s your age and recently had fallen in love. God, I’m telling you kids are crazy when the hormones go nuts…”
Kenji blushed and gazed nervously around, trying to get out of it by saying, “I think I have to go.”
“In a minute Kenji, because we need to talk about this. It’s not a game and it isn’t funny. This isn’t the place to experience some childish first love. Certainly not with a patient who searches closeness without realizing the consequences. This is not something that should happen within these walls. Now, I know you are very young and probably have a crush but you should know that Spencer feels that he’s bound to that affection.”
She didn’t even know him. It was different, they just couldn’t see it. Couldn’t see what? Kenji was confused and felt a wave of shame washing over him. He felt awfully exposed but nonetheless bravely replied, “I think you have no real idea who Spencer really is. He isn’t crazy!”
The defense sounded painfully unprofessional, Kenji realized and lowered his eyes.
“Just because you are fascinated doesn’t make you an expert, Kenji. He is already depending on you. Can’t you see how wrong that is? How long will you be around? A year, two? Will you write him when you are entering your new life?
I don’t know his entire story but I know people he cared about always left him. He was always left behind, left out of their lives and you are going to the same thing to him. You want to become a doctor, then maybe you should start looking at him like a patient.”
She was harsh and she knew it. She also felt sorry for it but her professional instinct told her to interfere. This just wasn’t right, she thought but was surprised to see that depth in Kenji’s eyes. He gave her such a wretched look and for some reason she wondered if there really was something more than an inappropriate crush.
“How do you know? How do you know that I’m even leaving? Maybe I decide not to go to college…”
“Oh, Kenji spare me that heartbreaking speech. You are a teenager and therefore cannot be hold responsible for your actions. I’ll grant you that but know this, when this weekend is over you are fired.”
“What? You can’t do that!”
“Yes, I can. You can still visit him at visiting hours but I think you need some distance, Kenji. Maybe you should concentrate more on school.”
“I’m helping him! If you do that you will be the one hurting him not me!”
“You are making it worse. He’s already back living a fantasy that will break in reality. He already believes in you way too much and frankly, I don’t. You are a young, good-looking boy but I’m afraid that your affection for this sick and vulnerable boy is just a phase. Maybe you miss having a playmate while you are growing up but Spencer is a very fragile young man and I don’t want to see him hurt.”
“You don’t know him! Dr. Wallace, please what I’m feeling is real…”
“Listen to yourself, Kenji. You should know that this is wrong. Do you want me to call your parents and tell them that you have a sexual relationship with a mentally unbalanced patient?”
“It isn’t a sexual…” Kenji’s voice cracked because he was completely lost. Fired! Visiting hours were three times a week..., “I really care about him.”
“I’m sure you do but this isn’t about now, it’s about the future for him and that won’t be an easy road.”
“It’s not fair. Why can’t you see that he shouldn’t even be in this place?”
“Kenji, in the time he is with us he broke his arm, his wrist, some ribs and almost his neck because he was being a pirate, a cowboy or a raven. He went through more than one extremely heavy phase of depression, where when his mind was in our world he had tried to even kill himself once.”
Kenji was at a loss for words not because he believed them but because it felt hopeless to convince her otherwise. He cleared his throat before he croaked, “But can’t you see that by creating his own worlds he’s treating himself. He’s learning through the characters and I’ve seen him. I’ve spent time with him Dr. Wallace, he’s very smart and he’s aware who he is and where he is. He knows.”
“I think you just want to believe that, Kenji.”
Knowing that she would never understand Kenji gave up with a sigh and whispered, “How can I explain that to him?”
“View it as a practice. See how hard it will be and then imagine how he’d react when you are leaving for good,” she said firmly and left him without another word.
Surprisingly enough it hit Kenji totally unprepared. Even though in the past weeks he had often struggled with the question of what would happen should the world find out he never considered that he would be fired. He had even briefly thought about applying for a job as a nurse, simply skipping first year college with work experience. It would look good on his resume and it would gain them another year.
Was she right? Where those all stupid teenage dreams? Kenji wasn’t sure anymore and with hanging shoulders he walked to his car. When he got home he sat silently in the darkness trying to set his feelings in order. He had always wondered how being in love would feel like and he was partly overwhelmed of the wonderful warmth inside his body. Though the many butterflies flapping their wings in his stomach turned quickly into screams because the object of his affection was so different from everything he knew.
While Kenji’s mind was occupied with that question of whether or not his feelings were morally right Spencer himself couldn’t sleep. In fact he never slept much at all. Someone once said that if you sleep less your dreams would become prettier. Something that wouldn’t make much sense to many had become something treasured by him.
He had taken Wicket back to his bed and was very quietly communicating with the stuffed animal, his voice only a hush as he asked, “Do you think Kenji will like home?”
There was a part of him that desperately wanted to go home. A part he usually ignored because there was also the knowledge that she wouldn’t be there. Spencer had the memory of two significant time periods saved up in him and while one was something magical, something so indescribably beautiful, the other one was cold, cruel and harsh.
Once someone had taken him to a land of wonders, had given him warmth and once someone had taken that back. The worst of all was that it was one and the same person and that was always confusing Spencer up until the point where he rather stopped remembering at all. Some things simply shouldn’t be remembered, a lesson he had learned rather early in life.
Aunt Jennifer was awake as well. She had informed her father that Spencer would come and still hadn’t figured out the reaction. His father had just very tiredly stared at a small silver framed picture and shrugged. The picture had capture a moment that was nothing more than a lie. A beautiful, gorgeous girl with long black hair embracing her five-year-old son.
The beginning of the story, Jennifer thought and stared at the ceiling.
*
*
Kenji was at the clinic when a black limousine picked them up in front of the clinic. Dr. Wallace was not looking at him and Kenji, himself avoided her view. The suit was scratching and he felt trapped in it. Yet, Spencer successfully took his mind off the miserable outlook at the future.
For one thing, the blonde was not in awe and didn’t seem the least impressed while he slide onto the black leather seats. There was no doubt that he had been in such a vehicle possibly many times before unlike Kenji, who couldn’t suppress the little boy inside him and gazed at the interior with an almost dreamingly gaze saying, “Now that’s what I call a great ride.”
Spencer instantly started giggling, “You sound funny.”
“Really? You think I’m funny?”
“Very funny.”
“Well, I’m glad to amuse you,” Kenji said with a fake sarcastic tone and watched Spencer’s smile brighten.
His eyes suddenly narrowed and he moved closer to Kenji, whispering into his ear, “I will show you the secret place!”
“What sort of a place is it?”
Spencer looked over his shoulder to ensure that nobody was listening before explaining in a hushed voice, “It’s safe.”
Kenji shivered by his words because it sounded so wrong. He’d expected the blonde to make up wild stories about that place but not simply stating that it was safe. Nonetheless, he smiled softly and winked at him, “Sounds wonderful.”
Wonderful would not be a word he’d chose to describe Spencer’s family. Obnoxious, arrogant snobs would fit far better. Never in his life had he seen so many people he despised. They weren’t nice people. In fact, Kenji started to wonder if they were born with a genetic defect; the lack of compassion.
In the middle was Spencer’s grandfather, a tall man with silver hair who was incredibly healthy for his age. He was undoubtly the alpha-male and everyone prowled around him in an almost disgusting devotion. Lawrence Patrick Trainour, as his name was, however ignored most of them. So far, he hadn’t even risked a look at Spencer at all.
Nobody really did. They all ignored the blonde who was nervously playing with the sleeves of his blazer and from time to time brushed through his hair, which gave him an even more chaotic and lost appearance. Aside from Aunt Jennifer who showed them to their seats on a giant dinner table nobody even spoke with them.
The table was of heavy mahogany and a white exquisite fabric was wrapped around it. It definitely was something Kenji had never seen before and wasn’t exactly prepare for either. The waiters confused him just as much as the various items carefully placed on their expected places. In a moment of panic his mind tried frantically to come up with the reason for the smallest fork on left before he gave up, hoping he’d figure it out eventually. Kenji counted twenty dishes when he sat down quietly next to Spencer.
Once they all finally sat down Kenji started to get to know a few of them by listening. Next to him was Uncle Vince the cowboy. With a terribly southern accent that sounded fake he’d make stupid inappropriate jokes much to the demise of a cousin Tiffany, a seventeen-year-old blonde beauty queen, who’d rather be out clubbing.
Next to Spencer sat Aunt Jennifer and next to her, Uncle Chuck a guy whose stature reminded Kenji of a weird version of Homer Simpson. He was as loud as apparently everybody was in this family and his laughter sounded like the snarling sound of a pig. Even more surprising was to see that his wife was about two generations younger, blonde, beautiful and mostly bored.
Across from them sat a guy named Bob Bernstein and Kenji gathered that this guy had been the family lawyer for ages. He was a slick Yankee and Kenji even found him attractive. However, his arrogance ruined all possible fantasies rather quickly and the lawyer’s wife Idonna was downright dumb. Of all the people in the room, Bob was the most devoted to Trainour Senior. Most likely because he wasn’t related by blood and could therefore be easily erased from this society.
The couple next to the lawyer and his wife seemed appalled to sit next to them and faked the high society by randomly naming classic authors or plays they’ve seen. They both looked ridiculous in Kenji’s opinion because evidently nobody had told them to get out of the Caribbean sun quick enough. Sarah, who spoke with a thick Californian accent tried to seem bohemian while Danny Trainour tried to sound extremely well mannered.
There was a young British guy named Alec, who was not even attempting to hide his obvious boredom and his sister Tera was constantly flirting with one of the Latino waiters. Apparently they were the offspring of another son who had moved to London, married had those two and walked in front of a bus by the age of 49.
Kenji couldn’t possibly gather all of their names and certainly lost the knots that showed the relation to each other half way through the introduction provided by Aunt Jennifer. His mind tried to remember everything his mother had once told him about this sort of people but he was still confused what fork he should use for what.
The waiters were silently bringing out various plates of food and while Kenji tried to figure out what would not make him vomit the conversation became a little bit louder.
“I’m glad you could make it Bob,” Lawrence said in a low voice and the lawyer gave him a nod.
“Thank you, my friend. It is as always my pleasure to be here. It almost feels like family,” Bob professionally replied with a smirk on his face.
Some members were actually rolling their eyes but only Danny Trainour dared to say, “But you’re not.”
The conversation quickly turned into diplomatic small-talk with a bitter undertone and ended with Bob saying, “Nothing greater than family,” with his glass raised.
Kenji didn’t pay attention and watched Spencer, who started blankly at the plates. He was unusually quiet and didn’t even nervously shift in his seat. It reminded Kenji of a lamb pushed to slaughter because Spencer was not really reacting to anything around him. There was one chair empty on that table and Kenji noticed that blonde more than once gazed on it with a yearning view.
“Unfortunately the family isn’t complete…” the older man suddenly said quietly.
“It hasn’t been complete in years,” Jennifer hissed out, earning a disapproving glare from her father and several of her siblings.
“But tonight it is my pleasure to see my grandson on this table,” Lawrence replied and like it was an order everyone turned around to the blonde. “It’s nice to see you, Spencer.”
The blonde lifted his eyes and gave them a shy smile. It was so visible that he felt uncomfortable when he croaked, “It’s nice to see you too, grandpa.”
It was even weird to hear him say it but watching him was worrying Kenji. Increasing that worry was Uncle Chuck as he incredibly slowly said, “Hello Spencer.”
He was talking to him like a child and Kenji wanted to slap him for it.
“Hello Uncle,” Spencer paused because he couldn’t remember which uncle it was. He had never cared because there used to be someone who told them they were all idiots anyway.
“Chuck! Have you forgotten me? We used to play hide and seek.”
The stupid fake compassionate laughter made Kenji sick. What a bunch of losers, he thought angrily and sighed.
“And who are you?” Lawrence asked curiously, focusing on Kenji who instantly blushed with the attention given to him.
“That is Kenji. He is an intern at the clinic,” Jennifer said to his aid and they all gave him sort of curious glances.
“So, you are like his nurse?” Tiffany asked with a cocked eyebrow.
“He doesn’t need a nurse,” Kenji replied a bit too harshly.
“Well, if he’s anything like his mother he surely does,” Sarah growled with a sarcastic tone.
Before Spencer could say anything, his grandfather silenced them all with a waving hand, “I won’t allow any conversation about my daughter on this table or on this day. Let’s eat instead.”
There was hurt in that voice and Kenji eyed the older man curiously. Whatever Spencer’s mother had done this family was extremely damaged by it. He noticed that the blonde had trouble staying calm and he also noticed that Spencer was having trouble holding on to his concentration. His eyes often flickered and fixed on something completely meaningless like a painting at the wall.
Assuming that the family would have a blast should Spencer lose it because that would clearly make them right in assuming that he was crazy, Kenji took a deep breath and softly kicked Spencer’s leg. The blonde lifted his eyes and gave him such a sad look that Kenji almost grabbed him and towed him outside this room. Instead, the younger man took a pea and placed it on top of his fork.
While the rest of the table had started to talk about politics or recent changes in the stock market Spencer’s face lit up as he watched Kenji pressing down other end of the fork and the pea flew through the air, almost landing inside Spencer’s glass of water. The blonde chuckled and his eyes were lightened up by something so beautiful that naturally all those miserable souls turn their eyes at the boy’s game.
Kenji grinned broadly over his reaction and repeated the move. The pea eventually hit a glass of liquid, unfortunately, it was the lawyer’s wife glass and she let out a yelp when her red wine spilled slightly at the table. Her reaction was making them both laugh and Kenji didn’t even care what they would think. As far as he was concerned, this family would never be interested in him as a person and he didn’t like them anyway. All that mattered was to distract Spencer from this and therefore he happily joined the blonde’s enchanting laughter.
“Do it again,” Spencer suddenly gasped out with his hands clapping in applause.
“Spencer!” Lawrence Trainour yelled and gave them both a piercing glance, “Stop acting like children.”
Instead of complying with his grandfather’s wish Spencer simply turned to Kenji, “Do it again!”
Much to everyone’s despise or surprise Kenji happily complied this time and the pea hit Spencer’s water glass which had the blonde lifting his arms and crying, “You did it!”
“This is unacceptable,” Lawrence said but there was undoubtly an amused smile playing around his lips, “I think you two better leave the table now.”
He was doing them a favor and Kenji knew it. He felt it was on purpose but before he could assure himself Spencer had already taken his hand in his and towed him away from the table. Ignoring the mean mocking of the family, Kenji followed eagerly because getting away from those people seemed like the best idea ever.
Spencer knew where he was going. Even though it was such a huge mansion. When they arrived earlier, it had actually deprived Kenji from air for a moment. The giant house was set almost hidden in the Beverly Hills, surrounded by what seemed an endless wall. It looked almost like a small castle. The rooms were high and the ceiling decorated with paintings.
Old antiques filled up the hall upstairs and Kenji was staring in awe at the walls when Spencer forced him to walk upstairs with him. One white stoned stairway and two smaller ones later, they entered a dark hallway. Spencer didn’t stop but kneeled down and opened a small wooden door, revealing a hole that seemed to be cut into the wall itself.
Kenji had to crawl through it and he was still brushing away the dust when he found himself suddenly standing in a room just under the roof. As he lifted his eyes he held his breath for a moment before slowly exhaling and staring that this small, completely unexpected place.
Basically, it was a huge, hazy room and that looked like the rooms of two children had been tugged together. On the one side it was undoubtly that of a girl. Pink was the dominating color. A small drawer next to bed at a stand mirror on it. Impressive collections of dolls were carefully placed around the place.
On the other side, it was a boy’s room. The entire room was filled up with toys. So many toys that Kenji felt a bit dizzy for a moment. Blankets were spread out making it a cozy place to just sink down and forget all worries. The paintings and posters on the walls were old ones. For a brief moment, he wondered if they were original ones. They seemed quite extreme choices for a children’s room for his taste.
Dozens of Christmas lights were connected to the ceiling and the walls and when Spencer pushed a button Kenji seriously felt like having entered another universe. He strangely felt like Alice in Wonderland it was making him feel more than a little uneasy. The blonde, however walked confidently around, staring at his belongings and almost casually tipped on a small music box. The melody filled up the room and he gave Kenji a broad smile, “This was my room…sometimes.”
Kenji was unable to speak at all, he was still coping with this place while Spencer already started to fumble around a drawer and towed out an old 8mm-film projector.
“What are you doing?”
“Remembering,” was the simple reply as he put the film role into the machine and pressed another button. Obviously he had done that a lot of times before.
The small white spot at one wall was instantly showing the flickering picture of an old home made film. The second the woman showed up on the wall Spencer sunk down in silence and seemed almost hypnotized by her image. Very carefully Kenji joined him and sat down on the floor, his eyes lifted at the piece of past.
“Is that your mom?”
Spencer only nodded. She was incredibly beautiful Kenji thought, trying to focus on the film instead of Spencer because he truly wanted to know. Snow white came into his mind because the woman was pale, though that could be the age of the film. Her hair was long, black and fell unbound over her shoulders like a waterfall.
She was wearing a long gypsy skirt and a white blouse. Her feet were dancing barefoot on the grass as she swirled around with a wide smile on her face. Then her eyes shifted and she opened up her arms embracing a little boy. Kenji guessed him to be five or six at max but it was definitely Spencer.
Kenji stole a glimpse at Spencer and noticed the small tear moving steadily down his cheek and he felt him tensing. Tenderly he reached over and mingled his fingers with Spencer’s before focusing back on the film. There was a guy now, a handsome blonde with a surfer’s smile and Spencer was sitting on top of his shoulders.
There was a cut and it showed the woman again as she danced like an elf around her son. She was young; very, very young, Kenji thought and swallowed hard because the picture of harmony had faded into something that increased his heartbeat. He realized that Spencer was still caught up in the memory. A wonderful precious memory and probably would not even understand why Kenji wanted to actually slap Spencer’s mother.
The dark haired woman kneeled before him and gestured him to open up his mouth. The boy happily and trustingly replied and stuck out his tongue. Kenji watched quietly as Spencer’s mom put her thumb on her child’s tongue. She did the same to herself. Then she showed him to close it and wait.
Little Spencer was giving her a curious but wonderful glance and he laughed out when she tickled him shortly afterwards. She then kissed like no mother should kiss her son. The embrace was way too intimate and Kenji found himself stealing a glance at Spencer. There was a barely visible shifting. He remembered how Spencer said that nobody ever kissed him and partly understood why he had lied.
“He was five,” Aunt Jennifer’s voice crashed through the silence and Spencerer wiped away his tears quickly.
“She drugged him?” Kenji asked, ignoring the embrace completely. As far as he was concerned drugs could explain everything.
“All the time,” Jennifer quietly replied and sat down next to Kenji. “Mostly LSD because she believed herself to be one of the last flower girls. She had just turned fifteen when she gave birth to him. Possibly her masterpiece in angering daddy.”
Spencer was not saying anything and Kenji doubted that he would share her thoughts. He just seemed sad that his mom wasn’t there anymore.
“He was her most precious toy,” Jennifer croaked, sadly watching the beautiful face of her sister dancing on the screen with that happy facial impression of an estranged person, “Never wanted to be his mother but his friend. They were living around here most of the time not even realizing that the world was still spinning.”
“And nobody protested?” Kenji asked in disbelief.
“Nobody dared because she was his baby girl and pretty much allowed to do anything she want. Besides it meant having her close to the house all the time. Drugs made her slowly insane but as long as she showed up every now and then nobody worried much.”
Jennifer’s voice sounded harsh and accusing, which seemed understandable to Kenji. At least part of it. “What changed?”
The conversation suddenly died. Jennifer only shrugged and lowered her eyes too keep some secrets still untouched and croaked, “As I said, she was insane. And she made her husband insane and her son as well.”
“Don’t say that,” Spencer protested but continued watching his mother. His entire body repulsed the words said out loud and it was visibly showing by his trembling lips. Mostly because he still didn’t understand and never truly had before. All he knew was that his mom had always loved him. She used to say it all the time. What changed? It was all just a blur, something carefully pushed aside.
“And this is the sad thing,” she suddenly said pointing somewhat theatrically at Spencer, “He never doubted her but she still left him without saying goodbye. She left him in this family after she was done molding him to her liking. He never saw a teacher in his life, never even seen most of the outside world. He was twelve and she was gone.”
There were tears running down Spencer’s cheeks because he didn’t want to hear anyone talking bad about his mom. Everything had been fine as long as she was in his life. Even painful moments were easily erased by her magic. Nobody had ever explained that what she was doing had been wrong. Nobody ever could because either way it had defined him as a person.
“You made her leave,” he croaked weakly and sniveled.
“That’s not true, Spencer and you know that. You were there.”
“Why do you expect him to understand what happened? Nobody ever tried to explain,” Kenji suddenly said, aware that she had seen them holding hands.
“You do really like him, do you? Despite of what he is?"
“What do you mean what he is?”
It felt wrong to talk about Spencer while he was in the room but for some reason the blonde wasn’t even reacting. The small outburst had faded and left only him and the past image of his mother. He wasn’t defending her anymore but simply delved in memories.
“You have to admit that he isn’t normal.”
“Well, neither is your family.”
“Touché. Why do you think I brought him here this weekend? They don’t want him because he reminds them of her. My sister was always screaming for a revolution but they have to acknowledge him eventually because you see all of this?” she waved her arms theatrically, “All of this will one day become his.”
“What do you mean his? There are like a million other siblings downstairs.”
“Yes, but in his grandfather’s testament there will only be one name. His name. Don’t ask me why but I think it’s because of his mother and how much my father loved her. Or maybe it’s because he feels guilty for keeping his eyes closed and his mouth shut for so long. Even when Spencer’s father left nobody said anything. For almost an entire year it was just him and his mum up there. She only came down for food or to play with him outside. Occasionally a dealer would come up providing her with all sorts of mind-bending drugs. You see the result. It’s no wonder his mind isn’t working properly. Now, that greasy lawyer wants to declare him insane. He and the rest of this assholes want him to be locked up the rest of his life.”
“Isn’t there another way to settle this?” Kenji asked, aware that Spencer did not even understand what she was saying.
“I’m sure there is if they’d be willing to find one. But they want it all. We are talking about a fortune of approximately 349 Million dollars.”
Kenji’s jaw dropped, “Excuse me?”
Aunt Jennifer gave him a wry smile that Kenji was unable to return.
Money, he thought. A shit ton of money. With that thought, another one surfaced and made him angry. There were many reasons as to why. One was his age, because he suddenly thought he could hear his father’s voice in his head warning him in a weird way. Another was the revelation that Spencer’s mom, the woman Spencer was actually dreamingly gazing at due the false softness of an old camera lens, missing her terribly because she had literally taking him to fucking wonderland suddenly obviously had more than one problem.
In addition, Kenji sincerely wondered why a family with that much money would bring Spencer into an open clinic, denying any tests at all. He turned around and watched the blonde as he still watched the silent pictures possibly remembering how he had felt. Great, Kenji thought sarcastically and slowly said with his eyes still focused on Spencer, “Do you really think that he cares about money?”