It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
2014 - I'm not sure whether to celebrate you or tell you to fuck off?
In all likelihood, I just need to disconnect for a while and come back with fresh eyes.
A list of things....
-This lawsuit, based out of business dealings from 2011, needs to die in a fire. The stress of it all has been affecting me since the beginning of the year, and it's tearing me apart. Every time I have good news, it's tainted by the "but what" of this dumbass litigation.
-I'm beginning to experience that natural result of marriage - where you start to miss your friends. I still have an active social life, and I would never wish to be without Ceilla - she's incredible. But when you focus your energies on your work, your family, your home... you run out of time. I'm sitting at a coffee shop in my old neighborhood right now, remembering times past - experiences with good friends, and kind of wishing I could just free-form my time. The rub is that in Winter, I get to do exactly that - but Winter is a pretty difficult time to be casually social, without spending a lot of money. No one just wants to go for a walk when the air feels like it's trying to peel your skin off.
-Fall. Damnit, I love you and I hate you. It's been a beautiful fall this year, and the weather has been nice. But I still feel this impending dread, and I don't know how to make it go away.
-Business... this was a breakthrough year, and I really thought things were shaping up. And then my key employee put in his 2 weeks notice. He's the one that made it possible for my to push my energies towards growth, and now he's going. I'm bothered by this for a number of reasons. One, we had a really excellent working relationship with little/no boss:employee tension. I paid him very generously, and gave him a lot of discretion and flexibility. I made sure he never lacked for tools or resources. And as recently as 2 weeks before he sent his notice, I sat him down over beers and asked him where he wanted to go, how he wanted to grow, what he wanted his job duties to look like, what I could do to better serve him, and gauged his future plans. Everything was positive and he gave no indication of discontent. Based on that conversation, I set wheels into motion to grow - knowing that his corner of the business was taken care of. Now I have my nuts hanging out.
-I am continually thankful for the stability, warmth and comfort I receive from my marriage. Ceilla inspires me, and gives me strength beyond anything I knew was possible. I just feel like a board that's being bent, and I'm fearful that it will snap before the pressure is relieved.
-Next weekend we are taking off for a cabin in the hills, where my cell phone won't work - where the Internet doesn't connect - where the puppies can run free in the woods. Where the leaves will be changing colors... I'm hoping that this break will reset me and help me transition out of Summer stress into Winter bliss....
Sorry this wasn't more coherent - it just feels good to express it.
In all likelihood, I just need to disconnect for a while and come back with fresh eyes.
A list of things....
-This lawsuit, based out of business dealings from 2011, needs to die in a fire. The stress of it all has been affecting me since the beginning of the year, and it's tearing me apart. Every time I have good news, it's tainted by the "but what" of this dumbass litigation.
-I'm beginning to experience that natural result of marriage - where you start to miss your friends. I still have an active social life, and I would never wish to be without Ceilla - she's incredible. But when you focus your energies on your work, your family, your home... you run out of time. I'm sitting at a coffee shop in my old neighborhood right now, remembering times past - experiences with good friends, and kind of wishing I could just free-form my time. The rub is that in Winter, I get to do exactly that - but Winter is a pretty difficult time to be casually social, without spending a lot of money. No one just wants to go for a walk when the air feels like it's trying to peel your skin off.
-Fall. Damnit, I love you and I hate you. It's been a beautiful fall this year, and the weather has been nice. But I still feel this impending dread, and I don't know how to make it go away.
-Business... this was a breakthrough year, and I really thought things were shaping up. And then my key employee put in his 2 weeks notice. He's the one that made it possible for my to push my energies towards growth, and now he's going. I'm bothered by this for a number of reasons. One, we had a really excellent working relationship with little/no boss:employee tension. I paid him very generously, and gave him a lot of discretion and flexibility. I made sure he never lacked for tools or resources. And as recently as 2 weeks before he sent his notice, I sat him down over beers and asked him where he wanted to go, how he wanted to grow, what he wanted his job duties to look like, what I could do to better serve him, and gauged his future plans. Everything was positive and he gave no indication of discontent. Based on that conversation, I set wheels into motion to grow - knowing that his corner of the business was taken care of. Now I have my nuts hanging out.
-I am continually thankful for the stability, warmth and comfort I receive from my marriage. Ceilla inspires me, and gives me strength beyond anything I knew was possible. I just feel like a board that's being bent, and I'm fearful that it will snap before the pressure is relieved.
-Next weekend we are taking off for a cabin in the hills, where my cell phone won't work - where the Internet doesn't connect - where the puppies can run free in the woods. Where the leaves will be changing colors... I'm hoping that this break will reset me and help me transition out of Summer stress into Winter bliss....
Sorry this wasn't more coherent - it just feels good to express it.