Hmm
So it's 1 something in the morning and I have to be up at 5:45 for work. But I can't sleep. Because my brain is too busy. My boyfriend posted on his band's Facebook page a post about supporting LGBT rights and how important equality is. And I couldn't help falling more in love with him. Though as always (being the paranoid person I am) worried he doesn't love me to the same degree as me and that one day he'll want to leave. And even though I know that if that happens we will part as friends and my life will be richer for being with him and having him as a friend it makes me sad. I can't help it. I do love him. I am in love with him. But I don't know that he is in love with me. He had never been shy about the fact that he views nothing as permanent. And I don't want to push the subject. We have talked about this many times but I always come away the same as I was before: in love and slightly paranoid that this is too good to last.
Add to all that I just finished Ender's Game and all I can think of is that. I can't even quite put into words how it's left me. The best I can describe it is an even great hunger for knowledge paired with a better understanding of how I effect everyone and everything I come across every moment of my life.
My emotions are tumultuous. I feel like I should be crying, I feel the tears trapped behind my eyelids. The tears that refuse to fall. I feel a lot of different things at the moment. And all I can think of doing is getting this off my chest then curling up with my stuffed animal bunny rabbit. I need sleep yet I don't see it coming anytime soon.
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