whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
A lot of my desire to leave the south is due to the unrelenting feeling that I have been, and currently am, missing out. On everything.
I am blaming myself for saying, "No" and "I can't afford it" and "I have to be responsible, I can't make time for that" and generally passed on dozens, hundreds of opportunities to get out and experience and see and do and say. So I am upset that I have completely forgone so much of the life that plenty of other people have enjoyed, and those people are now getting on with their lives and building futures. In the mean time, I am waffling back and forth between this need to have a life of experiences and the drive to maintain some stability of finance and employment, and because food and shelter take precedence over other desires and needs, I always chose the safer, more responsible options. Now, I feel like I am too old to want to get out and play, even though I still want to, but the constant struggle to maintain a meager, but workable, standard of living hasn't let up. People say "Go!" and "Leave!" and "Run away!" and I want to, but I have little to no means to do so, and if I were to take off like that, I would end up some place with only one or two hundred bucks left and no place to live and no car to haul myself around in. I would be effectively homeless. And yet I can tell people are getting tired of hearing me complain about things here, because that's whining, and whining is for pussies. "Get off your ass and do something about it!"
Frustration will kill me early, I think.
I am blaming myself for saying, "No" and "I can't afford it" and "I have to be responsible, I can't make time for that" and generally passed on dozens, hundreds of opportunities to get out and experience and see and do and say. So I am upset that I have completely forgone so much of the life that plenty of other people have enjoyed, and those people are now getting on with their lives and building futures. In the mean time, I am waffling back and forth between this need to have a life of experiences and the drive to maintain some stability of finance and employment, and because food and shelter take precedence over other desires and needs, I always chose the safer, more responsible options. Now, I feel like I am too old to want to get out and play, even though I still want to, but the constant struggle to maintain a meager, but workable, standard of living hasn't let up. People say "Go!" and "Leave!" and "Run away!" and I want to, but I have little to no means to do so, and if I were to take off like that, I would end up some place with only one or two hundred bucks left and no place to live and no car to haul myself around in. I would be effectively homeless. And yet I can tell people are getting tired of hearing me complain about things here, because that's whining, and whining is for pussies. "Get off your ass and do something about it!"
Frustration will kill me early, I think.