Well, Shit.
This is getting ridiculous.
Who would've thought Ray's Hardware would make such a big stink about me taking a shit on their counter, stealing some merchandise, and heaving a brick through their window.
How would they have known it was me, anyway?
Anyway, life on the run has been crazy. I've slept in the park a few times, gotten in a fight with a fucking hobo, and fell down and irritated the living shit out of my trick knee.
Oh yeah, happy birthday to me. Thanks for all the cards and kind words, you assholes. I know it's hard to remember, what with that stupid Hallmark holiday Valentine's Day falling on the same day, but...shit. I thought I meant something to you people.
That's right. I said YOU PEOPLE.
I've had some people ask about the t-shirt contest. Yes, I know. The deadline is past and people are all clamoring for victory, hoping to score that beautiful Bill Tabernacle t-shirt. All I gotta say is: soon.
I think I've already picked my winner, I just need to contact the t-shirt dick in Minnesota and have him send one to the lucky prick. Sit tight. It ain't easy trying to duck the local authorities, keep my stupid head up, AND maintain this website. What'll happen if old Bill gets tossed in the clink, eh? It could happen.
Over my dead body.
Well, I'll do what I can to keep everyone updated, but I'm really thinking about hiking across the country to warmer climes to hide out. It sucks, too. Murray finally found some broad who wants to meet me and have a seat on my beard, but I'm scared to show my old-ass face in public.
This life is the shits.
P.S. Please send or post pictures of breasts in the comments. That would make up for the lack of birthday joy I received. Well, I guess my family sent me a card, but I didn't see any cash inside it.
Back out the door,
Bill Tabernacle
Who would've thought Ray's Hardware would make such a big stink about me taking a shit on their counter, stealing some merchandise, and heaving a brick through their window.
How would they have known it was me, anyway?
Anyway, life on the run has been crazy. I've slept in the park a few times, gotten in a fight with a fucking hobo, and fell down and irritated the living shit out of my trick knee.
Oh yeah, happy birthday to me. Thanks for all the cards and kind words, you assholes. I know it's hard to remember, what with that stupid Hallmark holiday Valentine's Day falling on the same day, but...shit. I thought I meant something to you people.
That's right. I said YOU PEOPLE.
I've had some people ask about the t-shirt contest. Yes, I know. The deadline is past and people are all clamoring for victory, hoping to score that beautiful Bill Tabernacle t-shirt. All I gotta say is: soon.
I think I've already picked my winner, I just need to contact the t-shirt dick in Minnesota and have him send one to the lucky prick. Sit tight. It ain't easy trying to duck the local authorities, keep my stupid head up, AND maintain this website. What'll happen if old Bill gets tossed in the clink, eh? It could happen.
Over my dead body.
Well, I'll do what I can to keep everyone updated, but I'm really thinking about hiking across the country to warmer climes to hide out. It sucks, too. Murray finally found some broad who wants to meet me and have a seat on my beard, but I'm scared to show my old-ass face in public.
This life is the shits.
P.S. Please send or post pictures of breasts in the comments. That would make up for the lack of birthday joy I received. Well, I guess my family sent me a card, but I didn't see any cash inside it.
Back out the door,
Bill Tabernacle