Return of the Son of the Bride of the … Oh, Hell, Call It a Reboot
Apple's got a new iPhone! And it's *wonderful*! And it reads your fingerprint! And it comes in gold! And...
No, I just can't keep it up. The first iPhone was remarkable. So was the second. And the third. But I'm done. I'm an Apple Fanboi, damnit, not some cribhouse doxy who climaxes on cue. This is the seventh and eighth iteration of Apple's profitable smartphone, for goodness' sake. As the aforementioned doxy said, "It's not the work that gets you, it's the stairs."
I don't blame Tim Cook. I don't think even His Steveness in his prime could make the seventh annual Insanely Great iPhone Unveiling a major thrill.
I, for one, am looking forward to iOS 7. It has some interesting tricks, and hopefully is a bit more parsimonious with power than iOS 6 on the iPhone 5. iOS is a fantastic interface that Just Works, and once you're part of the Apple infrastructure, the stuff you input on your phone automagically updates all of your other Apple devices. It's more solid and far less fragmented than Android, and it's not littered with the proprietary cruft that every cell phone manufacturer festoons the base Android OS with.
The fingerprint reader is very clever, and saves you from having to enter a security code to access your phone. Personally, I never let my phone fall into unfriendly hands, and have never bothered with a security code, so this doesn't really give me anything but peace of mind that, should I get knocked on the head, my data would be protected. Actually, I don't really believe that my data can be protected just by adding a fingerprint reader. The fundamental rule of computer security is, "If I have physical access to your computer, it is no longer your computer." The average brow-ridged mugger might not be able to unlock a locked iPhone, but I'll bet government agencies can or will soon be able to. Locks only keep out honest people.
It has a new motion co-processor, which will enable new fitness apps to keep tabs on your lazy ass.
It's got a newer 64-bit CPU and is faster, but every iPhone is faster than the one that went before. Next year's model will be faster still, and yet somehow I never seem to get more work done.
The other announced bit of kit, the iPhone 5C, is just an iPhone 5 in a plastic chassis. And there's an additional $29 rubbery Crocs-style case. I'm sure it's a nice phone, but I'm not the target demographic. I'm not the target demo for the gold iPhone 5S, either. Or the $39 leather case.
My personal mobile phone is an iPhone 4S and my two years are up, so I am eligible to buy a new phone under my AT&T plan. In past years I have gone so far as to stand in line for the newest iPhone, but not this year. I think I've stood in my last Apple queue. And if Apple has taught me anything, it's that there'll be another, even better phone next year.
Maybe I'll just wait for the sequel to the reboot.
No, I just can't keep it up. The first iPhone was remarkable. So was the second. And the third. But I'm done. I'm an Apple Fanboi, damnit, not some cribhouse doxy who climaxes on cue. This is the seventh and eighth iteration of Apple's profitable smartphone, for goodness' sake. As the aforementioned doxy said, "It's not the work that gets you, it's the stairs."
I don't blame Tim Cook. I don't think even His Steveness in his prime could make the seventh annual Insanely Great iPhone Unveiling a major thrill.
I, for one, am looking forward to iOS 7. It has some interesting tricks, and hopefully is a bit more parsimonious with power than iOS 6 on the iPhone 5. iOS is a fantastic interface that Just Works, and once you're part of the Apple infrastructure, the stuff you input on your phone automagically updates all of your other Apple devices. It's more solid and far less fragmented than Android, and it's not littered with the proprietary cruft that every cell phone manufacturer festoons the base Android OS with.
The fingerprint reader is very clever, and saves you from having to enter a security code to access your phone. Personally, I never let my phone fall into unfriendly hands, and have never bothered with a security code, so this doesn't really give me anything but peace of mind that, should I get knocked on the head, my data would be protected. Actually, I don't really believe that my data can be protected just by adding a fingerprint reader. The fundamental rule of computer security is, "If I have physical access to your computer, it is no longer your computer." The average brow-ridged mugger might not be able to unlock a locked iPhone, but I'll bet government agencies can or will soon be able to. Locks only keep out honest people.
It has a new motion co-processor, which will enable new fitness apps to keep tabs on your lazy ass.
It's got a newer 64-bit CPU and is faster, but every iPhone is faster than the one that went before. Next year's model will be faster still, and yet somehow I never seem to get more work done.
The other announced bit of kit, the iPhone 5C, is just an iPhone 5 in a plastic chassis. And there's an additional $29 rubbery Crocs-style case. I'm sure it's a nice phone, but I'm not the target demographic. I'm not the target demo for the gold iPhone 5S, either. Or the $39 leather case.
My personal mobile phone is an iPhone 4S and my two years are up, so I am eligible to buy a new phone under my AT&T plan. In past years I have gone so far as to stand in line for the newest iPhone, but not this year. I think I've stood in my last Apple queue. And if Apple has taught me anything, it's that there'll be another, even better phone next year.
Maybe I'll just wait for the sequel to the reboot.