speak in silence

[bilemicsock]

all questions i find asking myself always start with why. why something has to be, or doesn't not belong, exist for that matter. i start off by always talking about myself. pronounced and full or ideas i can't place into a single word. i am indecisive and vague of thought, never knowing and simple. i am complex, belief and trust in others helps me dig my holes. i can never keep a good friend, i am either bored or ignorant of them. "why do i fall in love with anyone that gives me the least bit of attention?" sometimes i wonder if things would have been different if i wasn't here? would peoples lives be so effected by my absence? do i effect anyones life to an extent that they would fail to keep me safe? and if i were to leave... would i want them to morn? or go about as nothing had happened? do i hold great resolve for my well being? is my mind to lazy to care? what can i do... read, get a hobby, find something or someone to give my life a purpose? is that why so many people have faith in something? to keep going, to push through the sludge of life? it gets worse before it get better...when? if the purpose of life is to die, and you are no long enthused about your own...then is that why people are suicidal? because they can't control their life? why...

why are they filled with this emotion, rather a feeling of being whole? lovers...their contorting bodys stuck together by their own lustful minds. maybe one doesn't need love, we cannot be taught by society to love. but so many of us fight our own up bringing. to what end? fulfillment, brute contact of oils and salts? intimacy can kill...blind love or the wish there in. i can't and i will not ever surrender to another's will. i choose... i wish we all could. blind so blind. does one just tend to grow on you, to grow into love? its harder to rip out a tree than a suckling. if one is afraid then one can never love...

so why...please dont...