New perspective
I don't think that i can completely express how i am feeling right now.... today was an eye-opener, that is for certain. I guess you might think i have something else to rant on... today, that would definately NOT be the case. This was my day.
I woke up this morning.... at 8 o'clock am. For those who know me personally, know that i do not wake from my cave intil the break of 2 in the afternoon. So, why did i get up? Heh, you know, it sounds so shallow.... so selfish, so.... stupid. I got up so i could go to church... because i was certain that my ex would be there... and i really just wanted to see him. So i went out to catch my bus... which never showed up. and it was the last one i could catch without being late. but still, i was determined to go. So i called a cab, just in time. When i finally looked at the meter when we got to WGC, the total is 24.60. ok, not too bad. so i hand the driver two 20's. i said: ill take 5 bucks back. I get out of the car, and realize, CRAP! i just gave that driver an 11 dollar tip! DUMB!! yaya, i know, shhhh. SO, todays lesson -to whoever is still in school: PAY ATTENTION IN MATH CLASS! LOL!
So i get to church, met ash j there, only to find out that my ex wasnt even there. i was seriously about ready to leave, but ashley was like "ok we are already here just stay" so i did, unwillingly.
Turns out that was the best service that i have ever been too. He spoke about Isreal, Jews, and all the wars...etc. I was so facinated. by the time the service was over, i could have broke down crying... it was just so moving. So after the service, ash j, me and molly didnt know what to do... so Shawna Perron invited us over. i was hesitant, but my heart told me to give them a chance. Turns out, that was a good decision. We went over there, and just chatted with them until the youth meeting. I felt so accepted, like i belonged there. After the meeting we had a bible study thing, which went really well as well... i got to socialize with people i never really talked to. i cant beleive how naive i was... i feel so bad for never giving the Perrons a chance. Then again, i have changed alot, and apparently so have they. I just got such a good vibe there... it just inspired me to really want to be a part of the church again. i want to be involved. after that Jonny, (who disappeared off the face of the earth for 2 days) and asj and her cousins came to pick me up so we could watch a movie... but i decided to come home instead.
Anyway, i feel like i have closure... the whole jeremy thing isnt such a big deal to me anymore, im not going to go to church for selfish reasons anymore. i feel horrible for using church as a way to see him. but that definately wont happen agian. whats in the past will remain in the past. I have no regrets, and i am looking forward to the future. Shawna and Dennis really helped me today, helped my realize what is important, and that my decison was a good one for me. i feel i owe them a huge apology for acting so immaturely back then.
So i start training at convergys tomorrow... so wish me luck. I will have no more social life during the week, so my entries will probably not be so exciting... sorry for the long entry today, your eyes are probably blurry by now.
ciao!
I woke up this morning.... at 8 o'clock am. For those who know me personally, know that i do not wake from my cave intil the break of 2 in the afternoon. So, why did i get up? Heh, you know, it sounds so shallow.... so selfish, so.... stupid. I got up so i could go to church... because i was certain that my ex would be there... and i really just wanted to see him. So i went out to catch my bus... which never showed up. and it was the last one i could catch without being late. but still, i was determined to go. So i called a cab, just in time. When i finally looked at the meter when we got to WGC, the total is 24.60. ok, not too bad. so i hand the driver two 20's. i said: ill take 5 bucks back. I get out of the car, and realize, CRAP! i just gave that driver an 11 dollar tip! DUMB!! yaya, i know, shhhh. SO, todays lesson -to whoever is still in school: PAY ATTENTION IN MATH CLASS! LOL!
So i get to church, met ash j there, only to find out that my ex wasnt even there. i was seriously about ready to leave, but ashley was like "ok we are already here just stay" so i did, unwillingly.
Turns out that was the best service that i have ever been too. He spoke about Isreal, Jews, and all the wars...etc. I was so facinated. by the time the service was over, i could have broke down crying... it was just so moving. So after the service, ash j, me and molly didnt know what to do... so Shawna Perron invited us over. i was hesitant, but my heart told me to give them a chance. Turns out, that was a good decision. We went over there, and just chatted with them until the youth meeting. I felt so accepted, like i belonged there. After the meeting we had a bible study thing, which went really well as well... i got to socialize with people i never really talked to. i cant beleive how naive i was... i feel so bad for never giving the Perrons a chance. Then again, i have changed alot, and apparently so have they. I just got such a good vibe there... it just inspired me to really want to be a part of the church again. i want to be involved. after that Jonny, (who disappeared off the face of the earth for 2 days) and asj and her cousins came to pick me up so we could watch a movie... but i decided to come home instead.
Anyway, i feel like i have closure... the whole jeremy thing isnt such a big deal to me anymore, im not going to go to church for selfish reasons anymore. i feel horrible for using church as a way to see him. but that definately wont happen agian. whats in the past will remain in the past. I have no regrets, and i am looking forward to the future. Shawna and Dennis really helped me today, helped my realize what is important, and that my decison was a good one for me. i feel i owe them a huge apology for acting so immaturely back then.
So i start training at convergys tomorrow... so wish me luck. I will have no more social life during the week, so my entries will probably not be so exciting... sorry for the long entry today, your eyes are probably blurry by now.
ciao!