(no subject)
my dad is going completely insane on me. tottttally insane. like i realize he's just trying to keep me safe, but he's really just gone overboard and he's just anonoying the fuck out of me. i was just at jeremy's house with deb austin and mark watching a movie and he called 11 times and left 5 messages at like 10.30, totally freaking out on me. why the fuck does he do that? then he starts yelling at me for being out all day, but i was at a work meeting from 10-12 and then sat review from 2-5... it's not as if i was out gallavanting on city corners. goddamnit, he's being such an asshole and he wont fucking chill out. all i was doing was watching a goddamn movie!!! for the love of god, i wasn't like having sex or doing cocaine or anything. we weren't even drinking. fuck
but other than him going completely insane and ruining shit, i've had an excellent couple of days. i love my friends. i love just about everything =) but i am kind of confused, having second thoughts, etc.
the other night, due to kind of a long story, things got fucked up with austin. but now things are much better, and i'm very happy about that. some shit happened that just put things on a very wierd note... luckily we talked later that same night because i was so guilty and he couldnt sleep knowing things were fucked up... how sweet is that??! we've hung out the past two nights. he's great... but i don't know if this is what i want. he's really just nice, cares about his family, and he really likes me. and i remember how guilty i felt the other night... but would i have been so guilty if no one had found out about anything? i dont know. i dont know what i want anymore. do i even genuinlly like austin or am i just liking the attention im getting and the thought of potentially having an awesome boyfriend? i know that's what this very well could evolve into very shortly... and if i choose to date him, i want to be sure about it. theres just something i like about anthony, about how he's younger and shyer and like... he showed me more personality the other night which was really just cute. and when he says something, it's so flattering... for example we were just talking on the trampoline and he looked into my eyes for a couple seconds and just said 'gorgeous'. awww =). in my eyes it's almost as if we could just grow something really strong and trusting and close with each other and really have somehting amazing. to me, that'd be better than the "perks" of austin-- hanging out, going to parties, meeting new people, whatever. would i be fucking up considering anthony even though i know austin's great? i could also have a strong bond and everything with austin... it's just that to me right now, it's seems that it's almost more attainable with anthony than austin for some reason. and this college kid, jay, called me today and wants to hang out when he gets back into town? that'd be a good time, i know it would be. i dont know what my point is anymore, i suppose im just rambling, so i suppose i'll stop.
on a completley different note, there are these absolutely gorgeous boots at sneaker that i absolutely must have. totally gorgeous and they MUST BE MINE A S A P.
kay im done, bye.
but other than him going completely insane and ruining shit, i've had an excellent couple of days. i love my friends. i love just about everything =) but i am kind of confused, having second thoughts, etc.
the other night, due to kind of a long story, things got fucked up with austin. but now things are much better, and i'm very happy about that. some shit happened that just put things on a very wierd note... luckily we talked later that same night because i was so guilty and he couldnt sleep knowing things were fucked up... how sweet is that??! we've hung out the past two nights. he's great... but i don't know if this is what i want. he's really just nice, cares about his family, and he really likes me. and i remember how guilty i felt the other night... but would i have been so guilty if no one had found out about anything? i dont know. i dont know what i want anymore. do i even genuinlly like austin or am i just liking the attention im getting and the thought of potentially having an awesome boyfriend? i know that's what this very well could evolve into very shortly... and if i choose to date him, i want to be sure about it. theres just something i like about anthony, about how he's younger and shyer and like... he showed me more personality the other night which was really just cute. and when he says something, it's so flattering... for example we were just talking on the trampoline and he looked into my eyes for a couple seconds and just said 'gorgeous'. awww =). in my eyes it's almost as if we could just grow something really strong and trusting and close with each other and really have somehting amazing. to me, that'd be better than the "perks" of austin-- hanging out, going to parties, meeting new people, whatever. would i be fucking up considering anthony even though i know austin's great? i could also have a strong bond and everything with austin... it's just that to me right now, it's seems that it's almost more attainable with anthony than austin for some reason. and this college kid, jay, called me today and wants to hang out when he gets back into town? that'd be a good time, i know it would be. i dont know what my point is anymore, i suppose im just rambling, so i suppose i'll stop.
on a completley different note, there are these absolutely gorgeous boots at sneaker that i absolutely must have. totally gorgeous and they MUST BE MINE A S A P.
kay im done, bye.