(no subject)
Hey guys!!!!!
I'm back :)
yay!
from the looks of the community, most of you won't even remember who I am even though it's only been two months or so since i last posted, which is really weird b/c i was such an active member.
So...long story-short...
stopped writing--
very busy--
blah blah--
still fat--
probably fatter--
scared to weigh myself--
fasting tomorrow and wednesday--
starting 2468 again on thursday (with 4 and going down to 2, then 0, then 2,4,6,8,6,4,2,0...etc)--
anyone wanna join?--
oh, and p.s.
Does anyone else out there want someone to care because of the emotional side but doesn't want anyone to know because of the physical side?
For example: I told one of my best friends about my problem(s) a while ago, but he thinks I'm getting myself over it (plus he has major depression issues himself) so he doesn't try to make me better. He just tries to understand (but usually fails because I guess it's impossible to understand until you are ana/mia/whatever).
I just wish that he would care...still not try to change me, but just care. I feel like he doesn't even think it's a legitimate problem. He just tells me I'm pretty, blah blah blah. I ask him not to and he can't understand why. I guess it's just too hard to hear him lie about something that is such a big deal to me.
Anyway, the point of this ramble is----I want him to try to fix me because then I would know he actaully cared, but I don't want him to because I don't want to get better...aaaannnndddd...I'm scared that he doesn't care because I don't look thin enough. I mean, if I LOOK healthy enough, he must just think 'why bother,' right?
That sucks because I don't want to look healthy...at least healthy in the 'normal' sense.
Ahhhh, I'm making no sense here.
I think I'm going crazy without you guys!
<3 J <3
I'm back :)
yay!
from the looks of the community, most of you won't even remember who I am even though it's only been two months or so since i last posted, which is really weird b/c i was such an active member.
So...long story-short...
stopped writing--
very busy--
blah blah--
still fat--
probably fatter--
scared to weigh myself--
fasting tomorrow and wednesday--
starting 2468 again on thursday (with 4 and going down to 2, then 0, then 2,4,6,8,6,4,2,0...etc)--
anyone wanna join?--
oh, and p.s.
Does anyone else out there want someone to care because of the emotional side but doesn't want anyone to know because of the physical side?
For example: I told one of my best friends about my problem(s) a while ago, but he thinks I'm getting myself over it (plus he has major depression issues himself) so he doesn't try to make me better. He just tries to understand (but usually fails because I guess it's impossible to understand until you are ana/mia/whatever).
I just wish that he would care...still not try to change me, but just care. I feel like he doesn't even think it's a legitimate problem. He just tells me I'm pretty, blah blah blah. I ask him not to and he can't understand why. I guess it's just too hard to hear him lie about something that is such a big deal to me.
Anyway, the point of this ramble is----I want him to try to fix me because then I would know he actaully cared, but I don't want him to because I don't want to get better...aaaannnndddd...I'm scared that he doesn't care because I don't look thin enough. I mean, if I LOOK healthy enough, he must just think 'why bother,' right?
That sucks because I don't want to look healthy...at least healthy in the 'normal' sense.
Ahhhh, I'm making no sense here.
I think I'm going crazy without you guys!
<3 J <3