(no subject)
i took 2 more hydroxycut
then I ate dinner
then i came home and ate ice cream
then i purged for the first time in i dont know how long
i felt like i threw up an organ or something
then i took 4 hydroxycut
got in the car and was scared i would crash
then i got a...30 mintues late
told her the indian food made me sick
she said i looked awful
i watched her eat ice cream
felt like i wa gonna puke
sat in a coffee shop
felt like i was gonna puke, then pass out
so i told her to talk
then i went to the bathroom and almost fainted
sat in the theatre for what felt like a yewar watching the movie. minutes took hours, dramatic pauses were torture
i felt like i was goign to puke/faint the whole time
then i drove her home and came home
i drank a juice box
i think im dehydrated, but drinking makes me want to puke
i went into my bathroom and layed on the floor fora while
came in to write this and almost puked like 5 times
maybe next time ill pay attention to labels on pill bottles like...do not exceed 3 pills in 4 hours. i definately took 6 in about 1-2 hours...on an empty stomach
my stomach has been empty for a while now, a week or so, with intermittent eating so i don't pass out
and then there was tonite's b/p
i dont know how much longer ican keep this up
i called j to tell him but thank god it wa hi voice mail
i said i needed to talk, hes the only one who knows about me (sort of---he kinda thinks im over it) and i just wanted to tell everyone so badly
luckily i didnt
i dont know what they would have done if they found out
what if i had to see a therapist? what if i couldnt go to college? what if they laughed in my face because i dont look the slightest bit like i have an ed
the bottom line is...i can feel as sick as i want, that wont change the fact that i am a
FAT ASS
and if feeling like shit like this everynight is what it takes to be thin, i think i can endure it
the question is...will this even do it? or will i feel like shit for nothing and be a fat cow all of my life?
only time will tell
then I ate dinner
then i came home and ate ice cream
then i purged for the first time in i dont know how long
i felt like i threw up an organ or something
then i took 4 hydroxycut
got in the car and was scared i would crash
then i got a...30 mintues late
told her the indian food made me sick
she said i looked awful
i watched her eat ice cream
felt like i wa gonna puke
sat in a coffee shop
felt like i was gonna puke, then pass out
so i told her to talk
then i went to the bathroom and almost fainted
sat in the theatre for what felt like a yewar watching the movie. minutes took hours, dramatic pauses were torture
i felt like i was goign to puke/faint the whole time
then i drove her home and came home
i drank a juice box
i think im dehydrated, but drinking makes me want to puke
i went into my bathroom and layed on the floor fora while
came in to write this and almost puked like 5 times
maybe next time ill pay attention to labels on pill bottles like...do not exceed 3 pills in 4 hours. i definately took 6 in about 1-2 hours...on an empty stomach
my stomach has been empty for a while now, a week or so, with intermittent eating so i don't pass out
and then there was tonite's b/p
i dont know how much longer ican keep this up
i called j to tell him but thank god it wa hi voice mail
i said i needed to talk, hes the only one who knows about me (sort of---he kinda thinks im over it) and i just wanted to tell everyone so badly
luckily i didnt
i dont know what they would have done if they found out
what if i had to see a therapist? what if i couldnt go to college? what if they laughed in my face because i dont look the slightest bit like i have an ed
the bottom line is...i can feel as sick as i want, that wont change the fact that i am a
FAT ASS
and if feeling like shit like this everynight is what it takes to be thin, i think i can endure it
the question is...will this even do it? or will i feel like shit for nothing and be a fat cow all of my life?
only time will tell