ManFAQ Friday: Six Degrees of Shaving
Originally published at Big Ugly Man Doll. Please leave any comments there.
It’s Friday, and that means answer time! For those of you who have commented with questions from previous ManFAQs, thank you. I’m adding yours to the list of questions women have asked about men over the years, and I will answer them all in turn - to continue to demystify the more malodorous gender for those of the gentler.
Question: Why do men shave and say they cleaned it up, yet there is still hair EVERYWHERE?
Answer: This is actually a corollary to the “5-second” rule, which states that dirt and germs don’t begin to accrue on an object until 5 seconds have gone by. Cleaning the sink involves dirt that just got there, so of course it doesn’t need to be cleaned right away. We’ll make a few halfhearted swipes with the other side of the tissue we just used and move on with our lives. If you leave it there long enough, we’ll probably get to the rest of it.
Also, you have to remember that our minds work like 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon, except with sex. You see our manly hair, it reminds you of us. You’re in the bathroom, so there’s a chance that you aren’t fully dressed. Now you’re thinking about us, and you’re not fully dressed. Now, in our minds, you’re associating ‘thinking about us’ with ‘not being dressed’, and once again, it’s a zipline to the Hey Hey.
Yes, most of us really do think like that. The idea that you’d be pissed that we forgot to clean up from shaving gets washed away in a tidal wave of hormones and testosterone. The surprise you see on his face when you yell at him is genuine - you’re mad because he didn’t clean the sink, and in the back of his mind he’s wondering why you’re dressed.
Now you know. Please, feel free to comment with any questions you’d like answered!