thinking again
I was wondering and thinking about school. Do I, don't I go back? I'll write my appeal letter either way I haven't given up on myself yet. But is it really giving up or closing a chapter of my life that has been open for too long....so long I've gotten distracted and bored of it. What the hell is my motivation? SIU has sucked every last bit of motivation and hunger for my degree. The last year I've been just going through the motions...that's not what I should be like. It makes me sluggish and unhappy. I got home not more than a few weeks ago, and I feel so fresh. Looking for a job sucks but it's exciting...wierd? not really. more Hopeful. We'll see. I've felt so old and used m'boro, and now in cary I feel young and full of zest. It's a great feeling. Yeah if I don't go back to SIU I'll feel bad that I didn't finish but so far I'm not there yet. I'm not that far in debt where it's not an option...although it's a pressure that needs to be aliveated. (sp?)
Also thoughts of Carrie and Sarah are twisting in my head. Which one....or do I say screw it and take a chance with someone else... I'm still not even sure I want to even think of sarah right now...but she's still in my mind. She was sorta cruel to me...it still hurts. so it's on my mind because she comes home tomorrow. hmm awkward...just a little. I've told carrie about everything...She thinks I still want to be with her. As it stands right now that's a big 'hell no'. Messy is what it is. I truely enjoy the way Carrie treats me, I enjoy her humor, and spunkyness. But then again I've only known her for a few weeks things might change. So many posibbilities are out there for me. Bad choices, it's my curse...I've met some really nice girls in the last year. But I'm feeling the burden of everything. I've burned a few and well I've gotten burned by them the same way. At least I'm not numb to girls and still looking for a relationship. Still looking for the special someone. Still putting myself out there and still loving like I've never been hurt...that's what they say right?
one day. It's not a myth, I look at my parents and I know it's not. Just can't give up on that dream.
Also thoughts of Carrie and Sarah are twisting in my head. Which one....or do I say screw it and take a chance with someone else... I'm still not even sure I want to even think of sarah right now...but she's still in my mind. She was sorta cruel to me...it still hurts. so it's on my mind because she comes home tomorrow. hmm awkward...just a little. I've told carrie about everything...She thinks I still want to be with her. As it stands right now that's a big 'hell no'. Messy is what it is. I truely enjoy the way Carrie treats me, I enjoy her humor, and spunkyness. But then again I've only known her for a few weeks things might change. So many posibbilities are out there for me. Bad choices, it's my curse...I've met some really nice girls in the last year. But I'm feeling the burden of everything. I've burned a few and well I've gotten burned by them the same way. At least I'm not numb to girls and still looking for a relationship. Still looking for the special someone. Still putting myself out there and still loving like I've never been hurt...that's what they say right?
one day. It's not a myth, I look at my parents and I know it's not. Just can't give up on that dream.