Twenty quick facts about Chuck Norris...
1) Some say Chuck Norris' tears are in fact, the cure for cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3) If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
4) Chuck Norris refuses to wear a condom. Instead, he wears a live rattle snake.
5) Chuck's closest friends once threw him a bachelor party. Unfortunately, Chuck ate the entire cake before they could tell him here was a stripper inside.
6) Chuck Norris once filed a law-suit against NBC, claiming "Law and Order" were trademarked names for his left and right legs.
7) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
8) When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
9) Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.
10) It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.
11) Stevie Wonder was the last person to make direct eye contact with Chuck Norris.
12) Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
13) Chuck Norris is the only person ever capable of telling if an aircraft landed in soil by tasting it.
14) God offered Chuck Norris the ability to fly, which he swiftly declined for a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.
15) When Chuck Norris sends in his tax information, he sends blank forms with a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. To this day, Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes.
16) Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
17) Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. (Rumor has it, he spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress).
18) Chuck Norris needs to wear bio-enginered wrangler jeans, so they are strong enough to withstand the force of his kicks.
19) When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'".
20) Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day.
2) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3) If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
4) Chuck Norris refuses to wear a condom. Instead, he wears a live rattle snake.
5) Chuck's closest friends once threw him a bachelor party. Unfortunately, Chuck ate the entire cake before they could tell him here was a stripper inside.
6) Chuck Norris once filed a law-suit against NBC, claiming "Law and Order" were trademarked names for his left and right legs.
7) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
8) When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
9) Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.
10) It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.
11) Stevie Wonder was the last person to make direct eye contact with Chuck Norris.
12) Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
13) Chuck Norris is the only person ever capable of telling if an aircraft landed in soil by tasting it.
14) God offered Chuck Norris the ability to fly, which he swiftly declined for a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.
15) When Chuck Norris sends in his tax information, he sends blank forms with a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. To this day, Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes.
16) Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
17) Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. (Rumor has it, he spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress).
18) Chuck Norris needs to wear bio-enginered wrangler jeans, so they are strong enough to withstand the force of his kicks.
19) When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'".
20) Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day.