Another kick ass massage
This time it was more energetically focused. She told me that the energy on my left side (feminine, dark, receptive) is all blocked up, and my 3rd chakra (who I am in the world) is cold and still. Once I reframe this into my own preferred metaphors, none of this is surprising. I've been focused on putting energy out and being masculine for the past few years, and if you've been reading, you know the troubles I've been having with being unable to understand what to do next to make the place I imagine for myself in the world career and home wise. Sigh. Don't wanna do more healing work. I can feel what she's talking about, though. So I'll do it anyway. My resistance alone is a good indication that I need to. She gave me some visualizations that I'm gonna reinforce by making a picture of. And of course I'll continue to work with it through dance. I'm also considering some role-play once I feel a little more in touch with the parts that are shut down. It's likely that my disconnect with my feminine side has a lot to do with protecting the wounded girls and women inside me, and roleplay is a classic way to work on that. When I'm ready.
I guess getting back in touch with my intuition and my 3rd chakra (which I'd use another name for if I had one) is what I need to do to be able to get on with it. I've been feeling like I'm flailing about desperately without being able to really hold onto any of the possibilities presented. It's been driving me crazy that I haven't been able to find that inner confirmation that will allow me to commit. I do think I made the right decision to come here. I feel safer, so it will be easier to get the shy/angry/scared girl to come out. (don't worry. I have no intention of killing the boy or the man. the goal/practice is balance.)
I guess getting back in touch with my intuition and my 3rd chakra (which I'd use another name for if I had one) is what I need to do to be able to get on with it. I've been feeling like I'm flailing about desperately without being able to really hold onto any of the possibilities presented. It's been driving me crazy that I haven't been able to find that inner confirmation that will allow me to commit. I do think I made the right decision to come here. I feel safer, so it will be easier to get the shy/angry/scared girl to come out. (don't worry. I have no intention of killing the boy or the man. the goal/practice is balance.)