The World's a Sub-way
Just got home from work. our lady peace is playing on my computer which is soothing and i thank clair for introducing me to them, if i had have known they were backing avril in dublin i would have bought a ticket : (
Im drinking an ice cold bottle of cider at the moment and reflecting on things past present and infinous future. I've been reading over my friends posts on my livejournal and coming to the conclustion that although most of them have extreamly complicated and troublesome lives they all seem to have so much love and comfort. Do I? I don't have such a bad time although I'm not really on the same level as the rest of these people who even without a direction can still attain the means to continue on with their lives, like grades at school or full time work. In this respect im not doing so good, i cant seem to attain those grades and employers always seem to sense my weakness in that i give in quite easly and therefore walk over me. I dont have similar lives to these people, there arnt any melodramas like there used to be when i conformed to anti-conformism, nobodys really intrested i suppose. Which is partly my fault considering i basically have to book my friends into a scedule between work and school.
After thinking about it lifes not so cool at the moment, more and more ive been thinking about a subject which haunts me more than all else and although everyone gets it, im starting to become obsesed by it, but in the same way it's helping me.
Death and beyond scares me, not the pain or loss but the infinaty which awaits, no answer seems to satisfy, i mean what happens?
We go to heaven, have a party be with our God, and then what? It's really too hard to describe, because nobodys come back to tell us about it. I mean i just think about all the good things which could happen after death but what after that, re-incarnation, heaven, becoming part of the earth, But what after that, what happens then, will i still be me, or will i just be nothing, nothing at all gone, no thoughts or feelings. On the other hand if i do feel, for how long when do i stop. I suppose it's a Catch 22 situation but it really scares me more than anything earthly. But in the same way it helps me by showing that nothing really matters because in my opinion whatever happens im still going to meet the fate of everybody else. So does that mean I should stop caring. Fuck you really dont understand this keeps me awake at night, but why the Fuck should i go to sleep, im still gonna die!
Is this the way to live, does it matter how i live? If i walk out with the till from work tomorrow will it really effect me in the end. I suppose this is the time for faith, but in no way will any god show me the way in this case.
Im Crying
Rick
Im drinking an ice cold bottle of cider at the moment and reflecting on things past present and infinous future. I've been reading over my friends posts on my livejournal and coming to the conclustion that although most of them have extreamly complicated and troublesome lives they all seem to have so much love and comfort. Do I? I don't have such a bad time although I'm not really on the same level as the rest of these people who even without a direction can still attain the means to continue on with their lives, like grades at school or full time work. In this respect im not doing so good, i cant seem to attain those grades and employers always seem to sense my weakness in that i give in quite easly and therefore walk over me. I dont have similar lives to these people, there arnt any melodramas like there used to be when i conformed to anti-conformism, nobodys really intrested i suppose. Which is partly my fault considering i basically have to book my friends into a scedule between work and school.
After thinking about it lifes not so cool at the moment, more and more ive been thinking about a subject which haunts me more than all else and although everyone gets it, im starting to become obsesed by it, but in the same way it's helping me.
Death and beyond scares me, not the pain or loss but the infinaty which awaits, no answer seems to satisfy, i mean what happens?
We go to heaven, have a party be with our God, and then what? It's really too hard to describe, because nobodys come back to tell us about it. I mean i just think about all the good things which could happen after death but what after that, re-incarnation, heaven, becoming part of the earth, But what after that, what happens then, will i still be me, or will i just be nothing, nothing at all gone, no thoughts or feelings. On the other hand if i do feel, for how long when do i stop. I suppose it's a Catch 22 situation but it really scares me more than anything earthly. But in the same way it helps me by showing that nothing really matters because in my opinion whatever happens im still going to meet the fate of everybody else. So does that mean I should stop caring. Fuck you really dont understand this keeps me awake at night, but why the Fuck should i go to sleep, im still gonna die!
Is this the way to live, does it matter how i live? If i walk out with the till from work tomorrow will it really effect me in the end. I suppose this is the time for faith, but in no way will any god show me the way in this case.
Im Crying
Rick