All About Me Meme
A post that's all about me!
- My feelings on constructive criticism: Yes, it's a strange place to start.
It's complicated. I won't ask for it, I won't label all my fics with "Concrit! Please!", but not because I don't care what people think. Of course I care what people think of my writing and I'm deeply grateful to anyone who takes time to leave me feedback of any kind. But asking for it makes me feel as though I'm demanding more of their time than I have a right to, and I feel that fic, the reading and feedback of, should be on a 'take it or leave it' basis. When I do get feedback, I take it very seriously. If someone has a quibble or a question or even a suggestion or two, I think about it long and hard. And I feel compelled to fix whatever it was that they disliked. This means that I spend too much time and effort fixing things that possibly weren't broken in the first place. I'm no longer a careless writer who throws words willy-nilly on the page. Not everything I try to do works the way I wanted it to, but failure or not, I had a reason for doing it. And that's not to say I know everything, I really really don't. I'm still learning. Concrit forces me to learn on someone else's schedule, out of context from where I might be as a writer. It's still valuable and I keep all of my feedback, going back to look over it again and again. Occasionally the passage of time makes concrit more relevant, more useful. So that's why I don't ask for it and why I don't put my work out there to be aggressively critiqued.
- My feelings on writing erotica/sex/slash/whatever:
Meh, write what you write and damn the torpedoes. As it pertains to me, since this is all about me, I get very freakish about writing any sort of physical, sexual contact between characters. This has nothing to with preference, canonical experience, etc. I believe that sex belongs when, and with whomever, it belongs. It's a natural aspect of human life, it should be an equally natural aspect of fictional human life. So I'm not going to avoid it if the story calls for it, if the connection between the characters calls for it. I have one original character who despite all my intentions otherwise, is a lesbian. It's frustrating for me because I hadn't planned on that, but that's how she evolved and trying to pound her into heterosexuality isn't going to work. Sex/erotica/preference...all of those need to be part of the story, part of the line of narrative. They need to bring something to the table. Otherwise it's PWP and I have cable for that. However, regardless of my pragmatic approach to the occasional need for erotica, writing it feels like pulling teeth and I truly feel that I profoundly suck at it. I don't ask for pointers, I don't ask for help, because just trying to write it ties me up into knots. If I put any more pressure on myself, I'll give up and stop writing altogether. Writing sex scenes stresses me to the breaking point, the point where writing at all no longer has a payoff.
- My interest in writing original fiction:
I probably will some day. If the story's there, if it needs to be told. I'm not going to shop it around, I'm not going to look for editors. Writing is hard, it doesn't come easy. The reward for me is having a universe that I'm comfortable in...a place to stick my head into when the real universe is being lame (or blowing itself up). My fics aren't short for a reason, I build universes. Even my shortest fics are just snapshots into an entire world that unfolds around that single slice of time...the rest of which is still inside my head should I want to go back there. But if I had the pressure of an editor and book sales and making a pitch and caring what the NY Times thought of my work? I'd crack. The pressure would shut me down creatively and emotionally.
- Why all of these are writing and fandom related topics:
I used to be more chatty. I used to do a lot more meta and think-y type posts. I'd like to say that I don't anymore because I've gotten older and wiser and know all the answers! But the truth is that I'm more aware that there are people reading this, that there are people who know what I write about. And as much as I love my flist, I'm not always comfortable giving people information about me. This trend dominates my real life interactions, I'm much more guarded with actual people than I am online. And I know how impossible that must seem because I realize that I'm very guarded online. The dissemination of information is something that I always consider before I start typing - how much of myself am I willing to reveal? Not much. It frustrates me more often than not. I didn't used to be this way and there are moments when I truly wish to connect with people on a significant level. I wish I could lay all the blame for this behavior on my ex-husband, who trivialized the parts of my past that he should have taken seriously, ignored the parts he didn't like, and twisted other parts around simply to hurt me. But while he didn't help, I can't say it's his fault either. I've made some horrific mistakes in the last five years and I've made the conscious choice to isolate myself as a result. If I seem distant, it's because I am. Not because I don't care, not because I'm not interested, and not because I'm a bad person. I'm safer this way. And so is everyone else.
- What else is there?
That pretty much covers everything that I think belongs on LJ. Yes, this is me being freakish and isolationist. In other words, I have issues...but they're cute and come in a matching set!
- My feelings on constructive criticism: Yes, it's a strange place to start.
It's complicated. I won't ask for it, I won't label all my fics with "Concrit! Please!", but not because I don't care what people think. Of course I care what people think of my writing and I'm deeply grateful to anyone who takes time to leave me feedback of any kind. But asking for it makes me feel as though I'm demanding more of their time than I have a right to, and I feel that fic, the reading and feedback of, should be on a 'take it or leave it' basis. When I do get feedback, I take it very seriously. If someone has a quibble or a question or even a suggestion or two, I think about it long and hard. And I feel compelled to fix whatever it was that they disliked. This means that I spend too much time and effort fixing things that possibly weren't broken in the first place. I'm no longer a careless writer who throws words willy-nilly on the page. Not everything I try to do works the way I wanted it to, but failure or not, I had a reason for doing it. And that's not to say I know everything, I really really don't. I'm still learning. Concrit forces me to learn on someone else's schedule, out of context from where I might be as a writer. It's still valuable and I keep all of my feedback, going back to look over it again and again. Occasionally the passage of time makes concrit more relevant, more useful. So that's why I don't ask for it and why I don't put my work out there to be aggressively critiqued.
- My feelings on writing erotica/sex/slash/whatever:
Meh, write what you write and damn the torpedoes. As it pertains to me, since this is all about me, I get very freakish about writing any sort of physical, sexual contact between characters. This has nothing to with preference, canonical experience, etc. I believe that sex belongs when, and with whomever, it belongs. It's a natural aspect of human life, it should be an equally natural aspect of fictional human life. So I'm not going to avoid it if the story calls for it, if the connection between the characters calls for it. I have one original character who despite all my intentions otherwise, is a lesbian. It's frustrating for me because I hadn't planned on that, but that's how she evolved and trying to pound her into heterosexuality isn't going to work. Sex/erotica/preference...all of those need to be part of the story, part of the line of narrative. They need to bring something to the table. Otherwise it's PWP and I have cable for that. However, regardless of my pragmatic approach to the occasional need for erotica, writing it feels like pulling teeth and I truly feel that I profoundly suck at it. I don't ask for pointers, I don't ask for help, because just trying to write it ties me up into knots. If I put any more pressure on myself, I'll give up and stop writing altogether. Writing sex scenes stresses me to the breaking point, the point where writing at all no longer has a payoff.
- My interest in writing original fiction:
I probably will some day. If the story's there, if it needs to be told. I'm not going to shop it around, I'm not going to look for editors. Writing is hard, it doesn't come easy. The reward for me is having a universe that I'm comfortable in...a place to stick my head into when the real universe is being lame (or blowing itself up). My fics aren't short for a reason, I build universes. Even my shortest fics are just snapshots into an entire world that unfolds around that single slice of time...the rest of which is still inside my head should I want to go back there. But if I had the pressure of an editor and book sales and making a pitch and caring what the NY Times thought of my work? I'd crack. The pressure would shut me down creatively and emotionally.
- Why all of these are writing and fandom related topics:
I used to be more chatty. I used to do a lot more meta and think-y type posts. I'd like to say that I don't anymore because I've gotten older and wiser and know all the answers! But the truth is that I'm more aware that there are people reading this, that there are people who know what I write about. And as much as I love my flist, I'm not always comfortable giving people information about me. This trend dominates my real life interactions, I'm much more guarded with actual people than I am online. And I know how impossible that must seem because I realize that I'm very guarded online. The dissemination of information is something that I always consider before I start typing - how much of myself am I willing to reveal? Not much. It frustrates me more often than not. I didn't used to be this way and there are moments when I truly wish to connect with people on a significant level. I wish I could lay all the blame for this behavior on my ex-husband, who trivialized the parts of my past that he should have taken seriously, ignored the parts he didn't like, and twisted other parts around simply to hurt me. But while he didn't help, I can't say it's his fault either. I've made some horrific mistakes in the last five years and I've made the conscious choice to isolate myself as a result. If I seem distant, it's because I am. Not because I don't care, not because I'm not interested, and not because I'm a bad person. I'm safer this way. And so is everyone else.
- What else is there?
That pretty much covers everything that I think belongs on LJ. Yes, this is me being freakish and isolationist. In other words, I have issues...but they're cute and come in a matching set!