(no subject)
just let me go! i wish i were up at school already, (except for the fact i have started my summer reading assignments) i need the change of scenery. nj just keeps beating me with a metaphoricly huge baseball bat, and not the sweet wooden ones but one of the bad ass $300 dollar aluminum ones, like the ones we sell at TSA. NJ doesnt have the $300 dollar bat because it makes beating easier but purley to brag that it had $300 to spend on a bat while ur lying there once again in a metaphorically bloody heap. Its not so much the state as the people in it, i feel lost, saw kt and greg last night, it made my life. i was feelin so down and seeing them made me feel so much better. hopefully i can make it to gregs party. i really am a loner, i never wanted to admit it but thats who i am, i dont really belong to any group of freinds, i just bounce from one to another when they either need a laugh or some big guy used for protection (prob from the big aluminum bat of NJ). I mean theres nothing wrong with being a loner, but its not fun, its not easy, and i dont think it could be considered healthy for my mental state. I hope in college i can find a group that im solidified in. that i dont have to worry about well "why didnt she call me?" and "why did he say that?" and "o i didnt get invited" the only person i dont have to pondor those things with is my brother and i realized last night that in like 13 days or w/e it is will be the last time i live with him, the last time i get to share everything with him, the last time...for all of it. I cried myself to sleep thinking of that, mostly, as well as some other things. 18 years went by way to damn fast. I wish i could let this place go but i fear it will tug at my heartstrings for many a days, i wish it would let me go and i could leave it all behind. Its like a beatiful love affair gone terribly wrong. God, just send me to fuckin college already